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i am so confused..i dont know what to do


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
July 7th, 2005, 09:06 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
hi everyone..my name is kate , im 16 and live in new jersey. i just found out for sure today that i am pregnant...this guy and i (we weren't even dating) were dumb enough to get drunk together and have sex...he said he needed to get a condom, and me, being the idiot that i am, told him "noooo i like it better without it" .. so really, it is MY fault..my mom knew i wasn't a virgin for about a month or two now...well its been 14 days since this guy and i had sex and i was due for my period about 6 days ago--never got it..and i had all these early signs of pregnancy i read about..so i told my mom about 3 days ago that i thought i was pregnant. she was surprisingly very understanding..she told me that i was probably just thinking about it too much but she would get me a test to make sure..i took it yesterday ; it came back positive. my mom made an appt. for me with my doctor to double-check..we went tonight, and again, it came back positive. my mom really wants me to get an abortion...90% of me wants to, but this other 10% just keeps bothering me, telling me not to kill MY OWN BABY..on the car ride home tonight i mentioned to my mom that i kno im not old enough to raise a baby, but im not sure if i wanna kill it..i told her i mite wanna give it up for adoption..she raelly got mad...she started tellin me "i am NOT gonna raise ur baby!!" i told her how i wouldn`t keep it , i`d give it up for adoption ... then shes like "if you decide to have this baby , you can go to one of those group homes for pregnant teens ! i`m not letting you stay in my house pregnant and act like its a normal thing!" so basically...i have to get the abortion..im so confused. i don`t know wut to do ... if i do get an abortion i kno i`m gonna wonder my WHOLE LIFE "would it have been a boy or a girl?" "what color would its hair/eyes be?" "how much would it have weighed"...i kno i`m gonna regret it. i know i am...but then again if i had it i would end up regretting that too , ya kno ? either way , i messed up .. im so confused. i just really need advice, comments, words .. anything. thank you all so much . --kate
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  #2  
July 7th, 2005, 09:21 PM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 46
Hi Kate...I'm Kim and I'm 18 and right out of high school! I can understand how scared you must be right now but the first thing you need to realize is that this isn't at all your mother's decision, it's completely yours. Before you tell yourself that you "can't raise a child at this age"...put that negativity out of your mind and ask yourself if you may WANT this child in your life. Whatever you do, it should be for your own good and shouldn't be to please someone else. Abortion is obviously a possible option but chances are that if you have that feeling that you shouldn't do it...then you shouldn't. Many women who have abortions regret it later and because you already feel it may be wrong, chances are that you'll regret it too. If you really feel that it's in the best interest of you and your baby that you not raise him/her...then adoption is a wonderful option. Your mother isn't right to treat you like you're diseased because you're pregnant...she said "I'm not going to act like this is normal"...well sweetie, this is more normal then she may think. I know 4 mother who were underaged when they got pregnant and I live in a small little rural town! This is something that could have happened to anyone who engaged in sexual activity...it just happened to you. Take the time to thoroughly consider your options and don't let your mother or anyone else influence your decision. This is your life and your baby...your decision. Let me know if I can help at all. Good luck!
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  #3  
July 7th, 2005, 10:13 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,214
Hi kate, I'm carolyn i'm 19 almost 20. I've been in your shoes and its a very hard choice to make. Two years ago I found out I was pregnant. I was just starting university and had been dating this guy for about 3 months. I told my mom right away, she cried and told me she was disappointed in me and then said "your not keeping it are you". I was so surprised at what she said, I didn't have an answer. I told my bf at the time and he told me to get an abortion. I talked to my mom some more and a counsellor. I would really recommened that you talk to someone other then your mom it helped alot.

The counsellor was able to help me make the right choice for the baby and I. I was not going to be able to support the baby, and the father didn't have a job. So it was up to me to raise the child. After thinking long and hard I made the choice to have an abortion.

Do I think about the baby? Yes all the time, but I know now what I did at the time was the right choice for both me and the baby.

My mom pushed and pushed for me to have the abortion, but I told her that it was my choice and I needed time to think about it. She finally came around and let me make the choice. It's your body and your baby, if you don't feel comfortable having an abortion then maybe adoption is what is best for you.

If you are not 100% sure of your decision you will end up regetting your mother and yourself. So take the time and do whats right for you. If you ever need to talk just let me know.
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  #4  
July 8th, 2005, 04:31 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
Hi Kate,

I'm Alice from NY-- no where near being a teen, but I like to stop by now and then.

For starters, as hard as it is right now, give mom a little time. She's really disappointed to see this turn in the road for you. Give her a bit of time to get used to the idea. She wants what's best for you, she loves you, and she is having a bit of trouble coping right now.

I host the adoption board. Why not stop by there when you can and we'll explore some options.

The other thing you want to do is contact Planned Parenthood. Sure, they'll push you not to abort, but you're not entirely sure that's what you want to do anyway. And it's not a decision you want to make unless YOU are 100+% sure-- not your parents or your next door neighbor or the entire state of NJ-- but you. And in the end, you'll do what you want, regardless of what they suggest. So you have nothing to lose by calling.

For what it's worth, my then-17 year old niece got pregnant a few years ago. She went on to have the baby and Makayla is the cutest little 3 year old around. She had the added pressure of having a bi-racial baby. (Eileen is so pale and blonde that you can almost see right thru her, and her fiance-- the dad-- is sooo black. And the baby is breathtakingly gorgeous.) My point is that these things can work out-- you've just got to give it time.

Oops-- gotta go. Take care.
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  #5  
July 8th, 2005, 05:47 AM
Regular
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
thank you all SO SO much .. everything you all said made a lot of sense and really helped me..the dad actually called me last night and he's very supportive about everything, he wasn't mad at all. so just knowing that he's supporting me helps too..we talked and decided that i should get an abortion. i called the center this morning and im going in at 6:30 tomorrow morning to get it done..i know im always going to wonder about my baby and i know its gonna be hard, but i think its the best option for me right now..it's weird, i keep like telling it im sorry..i dont even realize im doing it half the time...thank you all so much for your kind words!! i really appreciate it
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  #6  
July 8th, 2005, 06:00 AM
Rylee&#39;sMommy03's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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  #7  
July 8th, 2005, 06:01 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
Why not stick around a bit afterwards and chat? You may feel you need the support. This is a wonderful and diverse group of people.
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WIFE TO PETER
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
JULIA (2-17-00)
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