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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
July 10th, 2005, 11:09 AM
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I posted not to long ago but I did not say much, so this is my story I am 23 and I am going to be a senior this year starting in september. I just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant and I am really in shock. Its not real to me right now. I just recently had an abortion on March 11 and it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I felt that it was my only option because of my living and financial situation, which has not changed since then. I live with my mom and my boyfriend in new york and I work part time at Barnes N Noble. I am suppose to get my BA in june 2006, I received my AS in 2004 my mother is not going to let my boyfriend and I stay here with a baby she made that very clear the last time. I only make $120 a week and my boyfriend only makes $240 a week, I dont know what to do and of course my boyfriend feels like our only option is to abort because we have no where to go and no money and of course there is my school issue. I am feeling powerless right now and I cant figure out a way to make this work. I do not want another abortion, it hurt me so bad emotionally and I am still not completly over it. Does anyone have any advice? I am at the end of my rope!!! I dont know if I am strong enough to face this again or if I am strong enough to survive this. I keep asking myself could I be a mother? How am I going to support a baby? I wish I had more money because in all honesty that is the only reason that makes me stop and think. I wish I had my mothers support too.
  #2  
July 10th, 2005, 11:44 AM
dawsonsmom's Avatar Super Mommy
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My boyfriend and I were in a similar situation. I am 15 and he is 16 so obviously we didnt have very much money. He is also into drugs and drinking so alot of the money went there. He was working at a fast food restaurant at the time and I had to get my work permit so that I could work. I worked in a daycare at our local YMCA 3 nights a week for two hours being paid minimum wage. My parents wouldnt let us live with them but thankfully my boyfriend's mom let us live with her and that is where we are at now. I knew I didnt want an abortion so I was very thankful that they gave us a place to stay. Since we are so young, we couldnt really get a place anyways. We hardly have enough money for diapers and formula so thankfully his mom takes care of that and my parents help with it sometimes too. Our friends and family helped alot with getting clothes and other things like a carseat, stroller, etc. Could you possibly find a better paying job or get more hours where you are working now so that you can get more money and start saving up? Could your boyfriend do the same? Or if you decide that you cant keep the baby but dont want to have an abortion you could always consider adoption. I hope this helped a little! Good Luck!!
  #3  
July 10th, 2005, 02:44 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you should consider adoption. That way you dont have to be the mother and worry about anything and you dont have to have an abortion. I think some adoption agencies let you pick the family that your child is going to go to and if you dont have health insurance they may be able to help with that. I think adoption would be the best answer for you. But after you have the baby please please please use condoms or get on the pill if you are not ready to be a mother.
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  #4  
July 10th, 2005, 08:29 PM
momma06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey,
I'm 16 yrs. old and I'm keeping my baby. It might be tough but it's well worth it in the end. No one can make this decision for you, not even your boyfriend nor your mother. You shouldn't have an abortion especially since you're not over the first one. You should've gotten on some form of birthcontrol after that too. You can always consider putting it up for adoption. No financial strain on you and you don't have to kill it either. I always look at it as, God already gave your baby a soul and has a plan for its life and what obstacles it will overcome, no one has the right to take away what God gave. That's what I always told myself when everyone was trying to push me into an abortion. REMEMBER..........ADOPTION if you don't think you can raise it yourself. Good luck chickadee.

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  #5  
July 10th, 2005, 10:08 PM
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As someone who was adopted, I highly recommend it. I'm so thankful I was given a chance...after all, I didn't cause it. Please consider it. It's also a good time to think about birth control options, so you don't go through the turmoil again.
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<div align="center">DS 15yr, DS 8yr & DS 11/25/05 (Born at 37wks 5dys, 8.3lbs and 18.5in)</div>
  #6  
July 11th, 2005, 05:51 AM
AustinsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The resolution is simple. Adoption and birth control Good luck
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  #7  
July 11th, 2005, 06:03 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi. I disagree with the last post: the alternatives are simple, the resolution must be heartwrenching.

As an adoptive parent, I also reccommend adoption highly.

Why not contact Planned Parenthood. Sure, they'll give you the anti-abortion stuff, but I bet they'll also present you with the alternatives. You have nothing to lose by talking to them-- this is what they do.

As to school, talk to someone there and ask if you can skip a semmester. You won't be the first person in history to graduate a semester late. You can probably even pick up a course or two during the summer session-- now-- to make finishing later more of a possibility. Talk to them too about financial aide.

Talk to the people at B&N about increasing your hours to save a bit of money. Most of us have worked through pregnancys-- I went into labor a few hours after teaching 9th period Calculus-- it's normally not a big deal. The women here can give you some pointers about being on your feet while pregnant.

Give your mom some time... this is probably a big shock to her. I bet she comes around on the living-at-home thing. I live in NY too, and unwed moms aren't the big scourge they were 100 years ago.

THe best of luck to you!!
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  #8  
July 12th, 2005, 05:55 AM
lovebug's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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As an adopted child I say NO! I wish my birth mother had kept me no matter how bad things were for her! I don't hte my birth parents but I really should have stayed where I belong!
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  #9  
July 12th, 2005, 08:47 AM
AustinsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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But would you rather of not been born all together?
Not given a chance to go thru all of the life's moments at all?
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  #10  
July 12th, 2005, 08:50 AM
AustinsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Alice
You disagreed with what i said as far as me saying The resolution is simple: adoption, and birth control.

I meant the answer to the question is simple, in no way do i think that the adoption process would NOT be extremely hard to go through. That would be one of the most trying things in your life as a mother. Just wanted to clear up the misunderstanding
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  #11  
July 12th, 2005, 10:52 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mummy2b@Jul 12 2005, 11:50 AM
Alice
You disagreed with what i said as far as me saying The resolution is simple: adoption, and birth control.

I meant the answer to the question is simple, in no way do i think that the adoption process would NOT be extremely hard to go through.* That would be one of the most trying things in your life as a mother. Just wanted to clear up the misunderstanding
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[/quote]


I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as being flip.... sometimes the computer is a problem, because it doesn't allow us to show expression. I didn't mean to imply anything, other than sympathy for a difficult circumstance. I should have thought more before I posted.

Sorry once again!
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  #12  
July 12th, 2005, 06:45 PM
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Well...although my boyfriend and I have a place of our own...we pay $400 a month just for rent, and then there's insurance, car payments, telephone and electricity and of course, food and clothing. I work at a supply house getting paid about 7 dollars and only once a month. He makes about $1200 a month (most of which goes to our landlord)...we're expecting a baby in 7 months or so...but ya know what? I think this is all worth it. Before you make any decisions (and in your case, I would rule the option of abortion out altogether) I would go to Planned Parenthood, contact a counselor at your school and talk thoroughly with him/her and I would also look up help services for unplanned pregnancies (WIC is a good one) and just really sit down and talk to all of these people about your choices. I have faith that if you really want to keep this baby, there is a way, and if you're serious about this...you'll find it. I really believe that not every parent needs to be grounded financially before they have a kid...the majority of parents aren't and just find ways to adjust. Sure...it's in no way easy, but it's worth it to them. Adoption is obviously a wonderful option, but like I said...you just think about your feelings and what you feel would be not only the right thing, but the best thing for both of you. Don't let the cliche of what young mothers should do decide for you...just follow your instincts. Best of luck to you, and make sure you take care of yourself now that you're pregnant.
  #13  
July 17th, 2005, 08:26 AM
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First of all Mom2four, I did not say that I was getting an abortion, infact i said i did not want another abortion. Secondly, the first time I got pregnant I was not using any form of birth control and I did learn my lesson, so decided to use birth control. As luck would have it I did get pregnant on the patch. These are suppose to protect you if I am not mistaken and its not my fault that all those people can't get pregnant, i was not trying to get pregnant and i was protecting myself, they assured me that the patch was 99% effective. Dont blame me for all of those unfortuante people, and yes maybe i do want to have kids which is the reason that I said i did not want to have an abortion. You have no right to tell me that I should not have sex anymore, maybe you should say that to all the people who do have kids and they never take care of them. So what if you have four kids, it still does not give you a right to judge. There are plenty of people in worse situations, and their babies turn out fine.
  #14  
July 17th, 2005, 05:16 PM
stephie1012's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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im not part of this board...but wow those are some harsh comments i think we should be more supportive of each other...anyway i was kind of in the same situation but i never had an abortion or anything....my BF went thru a rough divorce 2 wks b4 i got pregnant he lost everything he had....i mean he works and makes decent money but all i do is work as a cashier making $120 a wk...when i told my mom i didnt think she would be supportive but now she cant wait to meet her granddaughter...im so glad that abortion never came up and you know what you will be able to do it there are so many government programs to help women in your situation (WIC,section8, daycare assistance, financial aid,utility assitance)adoption is a great alternative..my mom gave custody of my youngest brother to my aunt, it was the best thing for him....he knows he was adopted and if thats an option you should see if you have a family memeber that would adopt the baby

Good Luck

stephanie
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  #15  
July 17th, 2005, 06:09 PM
CyprisLuv's Avatar Super Mommy
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Sorry about whats-her-face being so rude to you. I think her opinion could have been worded differently. But if she wants to come off as a jerk, thats her issue.

Anyways! I understand the troubles your goin' through. I'm 17 and well, my bf ended up getting caught doing something really stupid and he got sent to prison for a couple years because the judge felt that an 18 year old should know better than robbing a gas station....(yeah...he was being an idiot who was messing around with friends...ANYWAYS) So, my boyfriend ended up getting locked up and a few months later, I was raped. And unfortunatly, I was to messed up mentally and too scared to do anything about it immediatly so I ended up pregnant.

I went through the thoughts of abortion, but deep down I knew that this baby didn't decide how she was going to be concieved and she didn't decide WHO her parents were going to be. So I wanted to go with adoption. But as soon as I saw my baby girl on the ultrasound 20 weeks into the pregnancy, I just knew I could never give her up.

So, to make a long story short, my boyfriend said he'd be my baby girl's daddy, my parents are going to be there for me 100% and make sure she's taken care of.....


So... No matter HOW bad the situation seems, just remember... Your baby is innocent, and deserves the best. And if you decide to keep your baby, you have every right to! If there's a will- there's a way! Things will always work out in the end!

So, maybe take some counseling or do some deep soul searching, and make sure that you wont make a decision you might regret forever!

Good luck!
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  #16  
July 17th, 2005, 06:24 PM
fka teresarunningmommy
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This post is being closed. This is not a debate board for abortion, adoption, or birth control. Please remember this is a support board for unplanned pregnancy. Any and all personal attacks will be removed.

Teresa
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