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Well that long awaited pregnancy anxiety is beginning to hit me now...I told my parents and they were disappointed just because they wanted something else for me but they realize that I'm happy about this child and are supporting me (although it's a little harder for my father right now than for my mother)...I figured I would recieve their support since they were pregnant with my brother and got married early because of it. I had to go to my boyfriend's parents which was far harder than my own! Charlie (my boyfriend) just started getting back on his feet financially after some legal trouble 2 years ago and since his father is the landlord of our place (he took out the loan for the house and Charlie pays him rent) he really took the beating financially and now I'm pregnant and I think his parents are just really concerned with how we'll do this financially. His father began giving us both that lecture about what needs to be done both emotionally and financially in our household...I felt he was speaking to me condescendingly since I'm this baby's mother and I don't even think about the age, I just feel I am capable of raising this child. I feel a little like they don't think we can do it on our own (even just the actual raising of the child) but knowing the kind of people they are, I think they'll come around as my pregnant goes along and definitely when the baby is born. I have to tell my boss very soon that I can't work there anymore (I do so much hard physical labor, I couldn't risk straining myself and the baby)...I was just out of high school and live about 45 minutes from the city and had a hard time finding a job that wouldn't break me trying to drive to everyday...Charlie (who's a plumber) talked to the owner of the warehouse where he and his boss goes every morning...he gave me a job without even knowing me and when I came in he was very impressed with what a hard and intelligiant worker I am...he's been so great to me...always making jokes and treating me like one of his grandchildren...his children (older with children) who work there also treat me with respect and I just found out his was actually paying me 9/hour starting out! I haven't gotten the chance to work there long and I feel that he'll be disappointed in me but I know it has to be done and I just hope they all understand. With all that in mind...now I'm facing the terrifying thought of...now I'm not working?! It's not very likely that I'm going to find a job to keep only while I'm pregnant since I don't have many special skills (other than just being a hard worker) and not enough work history. I know that Charlie's boss will probably give him a small raise with a baby on the way and Charlie will try his hardest to find some extra work (landscaping probably) to save up money for the baby...but it won't be a great idea for me to go back to work after I have the baby. Childcare would cost more than I would make and I don't like the thought of leaving my little one with a stranger...maybe 6 months or further down the road I could have Charlie's mom watch the baby while I work a few times a week, but right now I just know I'm going to be unemployed there for a while. I need to find a way to make money while I'm here at home and a way to make up a plan to give my baby all she/he needs....I don't like having a plan and I feel a little like I can't provide all of those things I'm supposed to as this child's mother. If anyone has some words of advice...please offer.
It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there struggling...sometimes I feel like the other moms would look at me like "she's way too young" or see me as if I'm just a mishap mom...I know I can do this I just need to get on my feet and get a schedule set up...once I know what to expect, I'll find a way to give this baby everything she/he needs. My worst fear is someone considering this baby a mistake or seeing it as ruining my life...in my eyes, this baby has given me a destiny to work towards, and something bigger and more important than myself....it that isn't a gift from heaven, I don't know what is.