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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
April 16th, 2007, 02:07 PM
will&nomi's Avatar Member
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Hi ladies and congrats on all the new mothers to be on here!

I just found out I was pregnant two days ago, that is I found out for sure though I had suspicions for about a week prior to taking the tests.
I am 21yrs old and my husband is 26. We've known each other for 7yrs, been together 4yrs, married 2.5 yrs.
He's a very affectionate, soft spoken, loving kinda guy. I know he loves me very much.

Are opinion has always been we'd never have kids. I've always been terrified of pregnancy or giving birth. However before I even took the test I had already grown accustomed to the idea of having a child and was even excited at the prospect. Financially we are not in a situation to be pregnant but oh well on that, we're starting a business so at least we already have a plan to become stable that way.
Whenever I have tried to talk to him in that past about kids and what we would do if I became pregnant he'd go into a "There's no reason to talk about it" . So basically I just knew and he knew we didn't want kids.

Well, he about looked like he got hit by a truck when I took two tests and they were both positive. Which was to be expected right?
I was excited.
If I tried talking about it to him though, he got sick to his stomach. This was the first night he found out btw and I know it's a life changing major deal for him just the same as me.
In any case that night ended in me crying myself to sleep, which I could hardly do. I didn't sleep much.
I kept thinking about how he's going to be disgusted with me and that he's going to leave me or want nothing to do with the whole process. Of course I know he'd never leave me. He's a wonderful man.

Anyway he was better the next day but not willing to mention to anyone because I could tell he was trying to make it not real. I think he still is. He says he's probably doing really well at coping with this, and maybe he is right, but I just need more then that right now.

I keep getting hurt and crying my eyes out at the slightest things he does because I know how he feels about this whole thing. I'm sick to my stomach now with depressions and worries. I feel so alone.
Tears are constantly right there ready to spill it's annoying. And then he gets upset that I'm upset
over things he thinks are nothing. I'm afraid he can't handle this. And I really need him right now.

When will he come around?

Any comfort is greatly appreciated!

Thank you!
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  #2  
April 16th, 2007, 02:21 PM
Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Congratulations!

i am sorry he didn't take it as well as you would have liked. That's just men i guess.

When i first told my boyfriend he was a little shocked too and didn't talk about it for a about a week.

i hope your husband comes around soon.
Before you know it he will be just as excited as you!
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  #3  
April 16th, 2007, 02:31 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Welcome and Congrats!!!

I will tell you that when I was pregnant the first time my BF flipped his lid. He was pacing the whole apartment cursing and being angry. He made me take 3 tests in front of him because he didn't believe it. It was a couple days before he would even talk about being pregnant and then I lost the baby we BOTH cried for days. When I got pregnant this time he was so excited. I hope that it doesn't take losing one for him to love the idea and I am sure it won't. I think what he needs is time. I know it is so hard on you right now and you probably feel like you are going it alone but just hang in there. I am sure he will come around to the idea soon enough and then it will be all you talk about.

We are here for you all the time! Good Luck and keep us posted!
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  #4  
April 16th, 2007, 02:38 PM
will&nomi's Avatar Member
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Quote:
Welcome and Congrats!!!

I will tell you that when I was pregnant the first time my BF flipped his lid. He was pacing the whole apartment cursing and being angry. He made me take 3 tests in front of him because he didn't believe it. It was a couple days before he would even talk about being pregnant and then I lost the baby we BOTH cried for days. When I got pregnant this time he was so excited. I hope that it doesn't take losing one for him to love the idea and I am sure it won't. I think what he needs is time. I know it is so hard on you right now and you probably feel like you are going it alone but just hang in there. I am sure he will come around to the idea soon enough and then it will be all you talk about.

We are here for you all the time! Good Luck and keep us posted![/b]

Thanks for the response. I'm sure you are both right, this is what my mom says too. I just can't stop crying today. I feel like we are so distanced right now when we should be super close. I know it's only been a couple days, I'm so emotional though! And I don't want him to see me crying to so much because then he's upset too.
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  #5  
April 16th, 2007, 02:40 PM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you know how far along you are?

i'm so sorry to hear about your husband, but try and see it from his perspective. he had his whole life planned with just you and him in it, with the business etc now he's gonna be responsible for another person and that must be so scary for him. men dont have the physical and emotional bonding we do during pregnancy. most men dont feel like a father until the child is born.
It sounds like this man loves you dearly, he's not going to leave you. he's just shocked that his life is taking such a turn that he never planned or expected.

just give him time. i know you want him to be as happy and excited as you are, and he will, he just needs to get it straight in his head.

Have you tried to get him to talk about it?
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Robyn, wife to Steven, mom to Jake (7th Aug 2007)
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  #6  
April 16th, 2007, 02:42 PM
will&amp;nomi's Avatar Member
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how do I reply without having a quote show up?

well n/m that post didn't have a quote
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  #7  
April 16th, 2007, 02:42 PM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i just click fast reply at the bottom, otherwise you have to delete the quoted text.
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Robyn, wife to Steven, mom to Jake (7th Aug 2007)
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  #8  
April 16th, 2007, 02:48 PM
will&amp;nomi's Avatar Member
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thanks! I am 4 wks I suppose. Haven't been to the doctor yet.
I don't understand why I can't just accept that he will come around, i should know that, but I can't stop being so upset.


Yeah, a little, but it usually has ended in a mess. He did take me to the store to get vitamins and a book and he's being very sweet to me, but when I think about how he feels about the baby right now, I feel like he's disliking me just the same, since it's part of me I guess, I'm afraid of what he htinks about me.


I hope everyone is right and that he'll come around and then I can be happy and he can be too.
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  #9  
April 16th, 2007, 02:49 PM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i was upset because i always pictured me telling my husband that i was pregnant and he'd sweep me up in his arms and everything would be happy and wonderful. and that wasnt the way it was. no one was happy for us, and it took him two weeks to come round.

he will come around hun. he loves you, he'll see that you carrying a baby that you made together is a beautiful thing. maybe going to the doctor and getting due dates might make it more real?

apart from being upset, how are you feeling physically?
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Robyn, wife to Steven, mom to Jake (7th Aug 2007)
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  #10  
April 16th, 2007, 03:09 PM
will&amp;nomi's Avatar Member
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Like crap.My breasts have been really sore for over a week now, I have occasional cramping throughout the day but nothing like my period. I'm worried already about my emotions harming the baby in some way. I'm so upset it can't be good right? No nausea yet.


I'm exhausted because of my trainwreck of emotion too. I don't feel like doing anything, not just work either, I don't even want to sit and watch tv. I'm too distracted in my mind.
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  #11  
April 16th, 2007, 05:34 PM
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Good luck! My husband and I were not really ever planning on having kids either, but the test came back positive and was a huge suprise. It definitely took him awhile to get over the shock and months to get excited about the baby. He wouldn't even look up during our first ultrasound when we found out. He has turned around though, he goes with me to my appointments, put in a ton of time remodeling our spare room for a nursery and just bought her a bunch of blue dinosaurs. Hopefully it'll just take a little time for adjustment, for both you and your husband.
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  #12  
April 17th, 2007, 03:24 AM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Like crap.My breasts have been really sore for over a week now, I have occasional cramping throughout the day but nothing like my period. I'm worried already about my emotions harming the baby in some way. I'm so upset it can't be good right? No nausea yet.


I'm exhausted because of my trainwreck of emotion too. I don't feel like doing anything, not just work either, I don't even want to sit and watch tv. I'm too distracted in my mind.[/b]
the distraction doesnt go away. it just becomes more bareable. I'm almost 7 months and i still get completely dazed and dream about the baby for hours on end. its become my favorite thing to do.

I dont mean to belittle your hurt and upset at your husbands reaction, but the first few months are an emotional rollercoster at the very best of times. you havent developed a placenta yet so its hormones that are keeping baby alive healthy and well. they are bound to have an effect on you! It doesnt help that upsetting things are happening too, but i promise it does get better.

have you made an appointment with the doctor yet?
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Robyn, wife to Steven, mom to Jake (7th Aug 2007)
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  #13  
April 17th, 2007, 09:05 AM
will&amp;nomi's Avatar Member
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Wow! How did you cope with your husband feeling that way for months? I'm hoping this will only take a week or two
Thank you for the comforting words. We had a talk last night and he helped quell my fears for now
I'm a fairly emotional person so I guess the pregnancy is just going to accentuate that no matter what.

At what stage do women usually start to show?

You sound like a very happy and excited mother to be, congrats!

I think we will be fine and that this is going to be a very wonderful experience for the both of us.

As you can tell I'm not so depressed today, and don't feel like crying either. Yesterday was very emotionally exhausting though.
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  #14  
April 17th, 2007, 09:12 AM
will&amp;nomi's Avatar Member
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Oh and I haven't gone to the doctor yet. Just found out three days ago today. Called AHCCCS yesterday and I have to go in to a clinic to have an official test done, then I have to take that to the AHCCCS department and I think they have to give me an answer within a certain amount of days since it's for a pregnancy. I cannot afford health care even for myself right now let alone a baby unfortunately. 3 months ago I would have been covered by my works insurance. However my husband and I as I stated before are starting a business and the only income we have coming in right now is misc. odd jobs. Like right now we are house sitting. This is only until our clientelle base grows.
I'm also going to apply for WIC asap once I have AHCCCS.
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  #15  
April 17th, 2007, 09:14 AM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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people are only starting to notice i'm pregnant now and i'm almost seven months. its different for everyone. some women start to show at 4 months. but on average the 5 month. you all excited to have a big baby belly?

glad to hear you and your husband had a good talk and you feel better now! I love being pregnant and i want every other woman to enjoy it too!
Hope you stick around and get to know the ladies here. they are so amazing, no matter what you wanna talk about.
and as soon as you know your due date join a DDC. its so comforting to talk to other ladies who are at the same stage as you.

Quote:
I'm also going to apply for WIC asap once I have AHCCCS.[/b]
i know nothing about the american welfare or healthcare system, but i wish you all the best with it!!!
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Robyn, wife to Steven, mom to Jake (7th Aug 2007)
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  #16  
April 17th, 2007, 12:36 PM
Mom2Addi's Avatar Member
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My DH was shocked when I told him too. It took a couple of weeks and then he was as excited as I was. He will come around
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  #17  
April 25th, 2007, 07:03 AM
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Hey, new dad here. I just got the confirmation last night, though I saw the signs beginning last week. I am 25, and while I am very happy I often keep saying "OMG I AM GOING TO BE A DAD!!!" Yeah it's freaky, it's 2 years before I wanted to have kids, infact we just got married, I happened to do a good job during the honeymoon haha. To give some insight to the male brain this is why I get scared.

We both teach, we both plan to tutor this year, AND I will be studying for my MBA. Money isn't going to be a problem because she makes great money tutoring, something she can do if she decides to resign. But I think of all the traveling etc I wanted to do. We live in Thailand (I am American and she is Thai) So what we make is about 10x the average Thai, but now I will not buy a home here like we planned etc etc. I am into Cars, I have a mustang GT sitting at home in PA, she is paid for but I was planning on tinkering with her, but my child comes first.

So it comes down not to being mad or upset, but I really have to sit and replan the next three years of my life and that makes me look serious and not happy, even though I am. Every day I will come around even more, give him time and just let him think, don't offer suggestions or alternatives, but discuss with him what he has planned when he comes around.

Good luck
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  #18  
May 3rd, 2007, 09:28 AM
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Hi, just thought I would give you my two cents..... my boyfriend was excited and upset when we found out we were pregnant. Luckily he has stuck around, but I am going to tell you that you probably have a long road ahead throughout the pregnancy. It will be a rollercoaster of ups and down from OMG we're having a baby! to OMG we're having a baby! . Maybe he will come around sonner than later but I will say to be prepared to be hurt by some things he may say. He is scared and doesn't have the same connection that you have with the baby and probably won't until it is born. I think that it will work out in the end and you two will be happy and love your little baby. Just enjoy your pregnancy because your little one will be here before you know it!
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  #19  
May 5th, 2007, 07:11 AM
October 2012 DDC co-host
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AWWWW ((hugs)) It worked in the opposite direction for us. We already have 4 girls, and one little boy and I was FINISHED (for now anyway, I knew hubby wanted another) I wanted to at LEAST get into my 3rd year of med school before we had our last (we planned on 6), and hubby wanted to try now since all of our kids are 2 years apart. I fought with him tooth and nail over not trying again right now...but it happened and I was the one upset. He was THRILLED! Since I always have IB, I KNEW when it implanted; so I waited a couple of days and did a test at 8dpo (got +). It took me a couple of days to realize that this was happening, then it had to settle in....and now I'm excited with hubby. Just give him a little bit....he needs a little bit of time to adjust. Once he gets in the mind set that he's having a baby....he'll get better 1 year from now, you guys will not be able to imagine life without your little munchkin!!! Hang in there!! When are you due?
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