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Hey guys, hope all of you and your babies are doing well! I've been home the past 2 days...been too sick in the mornings to get up for work (I get up at 4 am)...but that isn't what I'm here to ask you all about. Last weekend I went to the beach to visit my friend and 2 year old goddaughter. She's pregnant with her second child and her husband is out at sea (in the Navy)...her daughter (we'll call her Angela) is not being taken care of the way she should and I'm not sure what to do anymore. Okay, so we showed up on Friday and her and another pregnant couple and us all went out to a chinese restaurant for dinner...she didn't change Angela before we left and she was soaked, then when we got to the restaurant she gave her a big plate of mushrooms and some of those cheesy-wrapped things and charlie and I just figured that Angela had already eaten well all day so we didn't say anything about it...Angela got herself all dirty and her mother didn't even try and clean her off! I carried her out of the restaurant soaked and dirty and put her in the car because her mother isn't supposed to carry her now (she's too heavy)...Saturday we woke up around 11:30 and got ready to go out to the beach...she didn't feed Angela any breakfast or any lunch and Angela didn't eat anything until 3 o'clock when they went with us to Dough Boys (she ate the cheese off of two kids-size cheese pizzas and some tropical punch soda)...friday-sunday we were there, the only thing in that fridge was orange soda and grape soda, a couple of squash and frozen burritos in the freezer...no baby food, no juice, no nothing. Anyways, Angela had gone out on the beach and gotten a little wet and sandy so her mother took all her clothes off except her diaper (which was wet from the water) and took her into the restaurant...she was shivering she was so cold and it took Charlie telling her to put the towel around her to even get her to do that. All she said was "awww, she's cold" and didn't do anything about it. We took her back to the house and let her sleep for a few hours and then woke her up again to go back to the beach for a few hours...Angela's mother went to the store and picked up some candy bars because she was having a craving, and ended up giving Angela at least 2 of those candy bars throughout the night! No dinner...just chocolate...everytime Angela would get out of the stroller or begin to get fussy, she would give her a piece of candy bar (usually the size of two pieces of Hershey bar)...Anyways, we went over to the grass to watch the fireworks and listen to a band playing music and her mother and I left her alone with Charlie while we went to the bathroom...we came back and Charlie was telling her how Angela had choked on a peanut from a Good Bar (which her mother gave her)...it didn't even phase her! Charlie had to pat her back and press on her chest to get her to spit it out, she could have died! In fact, her mother turned around and 2 minutes later gave her another piece of the same candy bar! Charlie said something but she didn't hear him and thank god because he was angry with her...went sat down on a bench at the boardwalk and Selena kept running off towards the bike road and her mother wouldn't go after her until after she got close to it and once she had to run out and catch her seconds before she was hit by a bike! On top of that, she would chase Angela down the boardwalk playing around (as if that's not going to teach her that running away from her mother is all a game)...until a woman grabbed Angela and gave her back to her thinking that she was getting away from her. She was getting mad at her telling her "mama doesnt want you, I dont want to hold you, I'm mad at you" because Angela did something that her mother allowed her to! She gave her some more chocolate and left it there on her face until finally Charlie and I said it was time to go. The next morning she didnt let Angela out of her room until nearly 3 o' clock and again didnt feed her any food, just gave her cup after cup of orange soda! On top of that, she left her infront of her apartment while she ran across the road to put in the baby seat...leaving Angela capable of running after her into the road! She lives in a large apartment complex and could very well get hurt there...but her mother just left her sitting outside by herself while she went inside to get Charlie to do a few things...If I hadnt of come to watch her, she would have gone straight in the road because I had to go catch her many times. She walked Angela to our car barefoot after a rain storm...in the road where there could have been glass and such...her house was disguistingly dirty and there were so many things that could have cause harm to Angela. On our way home, Charlie and I talked about all of the things her mother shouldnt have done and I realized how many times she put her daughter's life in danger, and how malnourished that child is. I need some advice...my friend can't stand any one to tell her how to raise her child and she would just shut down and get mad at me...what should i do ??
Has she always been like this? Or could her husband being away, the new pregnancy and a 2 year old have caused her some severe depression? Do you know her mother? Could you call her mother and tell her what you told us in confidence and then the mother help her out? Could you write a letter and document what you have seen and give this to the 2 year olds mommy? I think she needs some help. She isn't cleaning, she is eating poorly herself, her child is suffering, etc. I don't know her. So I am only guessing here. But I would call her mother or an aunt before I called CPS. Even worse things can happen to the child there!
"I am a midwife. It is not just what I do, it is what I am, and I grow in it."
You could see if one of the family members will take custody of the child. If you want her out of her mothers care then someone will have to go to court. No way around it. Especially if the mother is not goin to listen to you about how bad she is treating "Angela". Good luck with it all.
Someone needs to open her eyes because if this continues CPS may very well get involved and no one wants their child or children taken away. This child is going to end up both physically and mentally ill. Don' t worry about your friendship with this women. Something needs to be done for this child. It is one thing to disagree with someone on how they are raising their child. But its another to let abuse continue. Your so called friend seems very capable of letting her daughter get injured or killed. Find someone who cares and if not talk to a social worker so they can keep her in check. I am not a fav of letting CPS interupt the lives of families and children. But it seems like your friend needs some help. For the sake of this child and the one on the way, do something. Women like your friend should not be allowed to continue to have children.
you're between a rock and a hard place arent you? on one hand, CPS is helpful because it'll get angela out of that situation, but foster care can be horrible too. yea, like someone suggested, try a family member. this lady needs help for angela and for her new child on the way.
Well you see...my friend never really had a mom or dad...her mother is a drug addict and gave her up for adoption not long after birth...her grandmother raised her...she's determined to be the mother to Angela that her mother was never to her...I've been around since this baby was born and she's only been married 6 months so I can tell you that this isn't a new thing...she's certaintly gotten worse since she hasn't had her grandmother watching her and getting on her back every 5 seconds...I used to think her grandmother was just pushy and mean, but now I see exactly what her grandmother saw. Her husband gets on her about certain things too but when he's around she doesn't act this bad with Angela....it's while he's gone at sea that I guess she figures no one else is around to tell her how to raise her daughter...so she does as she pleases. When Angela was first born, one of our friend's sisters (with a little boy of her own) had called social services when our friend continued to go home with stories about nicole's messing up...social services came over every week or so and told her she was a well adjusted mother! They made me so angry...Nicole (we'll just call the mama that) is so convinced that she knows what's best that she just takes it as an attack when someone else comes up with a suggestion or doesn't agree with her parenting style...I'm the only person left that she'll listen to at all (and who she'll come to when she needs help) and I'm scared that if what I do doesn't work...no one will be able to help that little girl. They both mean so much to me...Nicole found out that she may possibly have a virus which could cause a high risk pregnancy...it's obviously not the time to put stress on her and the baby. I'm just lost as to what to do...
In my opinion this should be reported. Regardless of what is causing this problem, someone should be notified, so this child doesn't suffer. If it's mental they can get her some help, if it's financial they can get her on her feet, etc. THERE IS NO REASON A CHILD SHOULD BE TREATED THIS WAY!!!!
I only wish it were that easy...social services has been called to "check up" on her before and they've taken forever to do so...if she finds out another friend has done that to her (or anyone for that matter) she would really be upset...she's pregnant with possible complications and I really have to be careful how I handle things so that the unborn baby's life won't be endangered by her getting stressed out. She's already been told to take it extra easy. I had a talk with her and she got angry but I think she also listened so I'm going to go see her in about a week and hope I see some changes. I'm going to try and talk to her face to face...I don't think she means to do any harm, she just isn't seeing it. Thank you all for you support, it's made me feel like I have some back up. I'll keep you posted.
You know I think your a wonderful woman! You are quick to help and guide your friend. Be honest and upfront with her. Give her tough love and help her through her time of need. And in doing so you help this child to have her real mom whole and complete. You are all in my prayers. And I really want to hear an update.
"I am a midwife. It is not just what I do, it is what I am, and I grow in it."