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Should I abort?


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
July 6th, 2007, 02:26 AM
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Hello, I found this place on Google and I really hope you can help me.

I am 20 years old and at university. I have a boyfriend who I've been going out with for only 6 months and I am really lucky to have him because he is so good-looking and I am just an average kinda girl, you know?

Anyway, I am about 13 weeks pregnant and I just don't know what to do because my boyfriend, despite being really supportive to start with, has now turned around to me and said he doesn't think he is ready to be a daddy and he wants me to get an abortion. The only thing that was keeping me going was that he said he would support me and not leave me but now I face being a single mum. I don't think I'll even be able to finish my degree because of the baby.

I'm starting to think he is right and I should just get rid of this baby so I can get back to a normal life.

What do you guys think? I know it's my decision but I would love some feedback.

Thanks for your time.
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  #2  
July 6th, 2007, 04:18 AM
m.and.a
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Do you have a local agency from whom you can receive counseling? Being at a University, I'm sure there are groups available that give you options in addition to abortion. Have you told your parents? Good luck and I hope you find the support you need to help make the decision best for you and the baby.
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  #3  
July 6th, 2007, 07:15 AM
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Do you have a local agency from whom you can receive counseling? Being at a University, I'm sure there are groups available that give you options in addition to abortion. Have you told your parents? Good luck and I hope you find the support you need to help make the decision best for you and the baby.[/b]
Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes I could go and see a counsellor at uni but there is a long waiting list. My mum and dad know I am pregnant and they were both disappointed but understood that it wasn't planned. My mum would not want me to get an abortion because her mum (my nan) had one at 18 weeks and my mum still wonders about the brother or sister she might have had. I know my parents will support me, I just feel like I'm in such a mess. I wish I could just turn the clock back and not be pregnant in the first place and abortion seems the next best thing.
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  #4  
July 6th, 2007, 07:33 AM
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We see this all the time. The dad wants the abortion.

What do YOU want? If you feel abortion is the best option, then do that. But you are already 13 weeks hun, in my eyes that is too far along to abort.

You know, the option of adoption is always available. But I understand how you feel, and I understand how you wish you just werent pregnant, and abortion is quick and could solve your problems. I've had an abortion AND Ive also chose to keep an unplanned pregnancy, so if you have any questions or just want support you can PM me.Goodluck
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  #5  
July 6th, 2007, 08:09 AM
Grateful~Gentle~Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh honey, please do not abort a 13 week fetus. That is a BABY. I am pro-life for myself but I do believe it is your own choice, however 13 weeks is too late for an abortion. Look at my sig picture. That is my baby at 12 weeks. Your baby is moving around, sucking its thumb, is perfectly formed.

This is YOUR baby, and obviously God thinks you are more than just an average girl, He chose you to be this little ones mom. Who do you think you should listen to, God or your boyfriend?
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  #6  
July 6th, 2007, 08:28 AM
paganempath
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Oh honey, please do not abort a 13 week fetus. That is a BABY. I am pro-life for myself but I do believe it is your own choice, however 13 weeks is too late for an abortion. Look at my sig picture. That is my baby at 12 weeks. Your baby is moving around, sucking its thumb, is perfectly formed.

This is YOUR baby, and obviously God thinks you are more than just an average girl, He chose you to be this little ones mom. Who do you think you should listen to, God or your boyfriend?[/b]
She came here for advice, not a theological discussion about a god that she may or may not believe in. Trying to make her feel guilty isn't helping. And there's nothing to even feel guilty about. Getting an abortion is her choice, regardless of the reason or your own beliefs. Thirteen weeks is not too late. The earliest they can save a baby is 23 weeks and that's with extreme medical intervention. They are simply not able to live outside the womb at this stage so why is that a reason to continue the pregnancy? I had an abortion at 8 weeks and it didn't bother me a bit.
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  #7  
July 6th, 2007, 08:51 AM
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Oh honey, please do not abort a 13 week fetus. That is a BABY. I am pro-life for myself but I do believe it is your own choice, however 13 weeks is too late for an abortion. Look at my sig picture. That is my baby at 12 weeks. Your baby is moving around, sucking its thumb, is perfectly formed.

This is YOUR baby, and obviously God thinks you are more than just an average girl, He chose you to be this little ones mom. Who do you think you should listen to, God or your boyfriend?[/b]
She came here for advice, not a theological discussion about a god that she may or may not believe in. Trying to make her feel guilty isn't helping. And there's nothing to even feel guilty about. Getting an abortion is her choice, regardless of the reason or your own beliefs. Thirteen weeks is not too late. The earliest they can save a baby is 23 weeks and that's with extreme medical intervention. They are simply not able to live outside the womb at this stage so why is that a reason to continue the pregnancy? I had an abortion at 8 weeks and it didn't bother me a bit.
[/b]
I agree with you, but JM is very pro-life and this girl came on here saying "Should I abort?" a LOT of people of course are going to say NO, you shouldnt. KWIM???

I also got an abortion when I was almost 6 weeks, and it didnt bother me either, but everyones different.
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  #8  
July 6th, 2007, 10:10 AM
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I am ALL for it being the girl's own personal choice.. but I'm sorry to say that I just can't advise that here. 13 weeks is too far along. That is killing a little person.. I just don't see that as being right.

Adoption. Go for adoption. You asked our opinions, and there is mine. Normally I would say "do whatever makes you the most comfortable", but in my humble opinion, you are past that point.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's a HUGE pet peeve of mine when girls wait too long to decide, and then kill and innocent child just because they weren't sure.
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  #9  
July 6th, 2007, 11:44 AM
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Hello, I found this place on Google and I really hope you can help me.

I am 20 years old and at university. I have a boyfriend who I've been going out with for only 6 months and I am really lucky to have him because he is so good-looking and I am just an average kinda girl, you know?

Anyway, I am about 13 weeks pregnant and I just don't know what to do because my boyfriend, despite being really supportive to start with, has now turned around to me and said he doesn't think he is ready to be a daddy and he wants me to get an abortion. The only thing that was keeping me going was that he said he would support me and not leave me but now I face being a single mum. I don't think I'll even be able to finish my degree because of the baby.

I'm starting to think he is right and I should just get rid of this baby so I can get back to a normal life.

What do you guys think? I know it's my decision but I would love some feedback.

Thanks for your time.[/b]



I know [exactly] how you feel. I was pregnant and thinking I was going to be taken care of by my baby's father when he all of a sudden got cold feet and basically insisted I get an abortion. I didn't. I did start talking to an adoption agency, though. I ended up not giving my baby up. Tough as it was, I trudged on. I have since worked and taken care of my children (I had two when single), graduated college, met a man and gotten married. Being a single mom doesn't mean you give up your dreams. It just means that achieving them makes them an even bigger accomplishment. Being pregnant and carrying to term doesn't mean you have to be a parent, either. There are so many couples that would love nothing more than a baby to hold and love because they are incapable of having their own. They depend on strong mommies fulfilling their dream.

It's up to you, but my opinion is that you can do this. You can be a powerful woman and choose to do something that takes so much courage: either keeping or adopting the child.

Oh, btw: the father. He changed his mind because he was full of crap the entire time. He was cheating, and had intended to marry the other girl, so I was wrecking his picture perfect life.

Good luck.
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  #10  
July 6th, 2007, 12:27 PM
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If you wanted to keep the baby until he changed his mind then you should keep it. Please do not let anyone make this decision for you.

If you truly feel like abortion is your best option then fine, but you came here asking if you should abort, and I don't think you should. As the other girls have said 13 is too far along for an abort but that is only my opinion.

Please stick around and let us know what you decide.
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  #11  
July 6th, 2007, 01:32 PM
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If you wanted to keep the baby until he changed his mind then you should keep it. Please do not let anyone make this decision for you.

If you truly feel like abortion is your best option then fine, but you came here asking if you should abort, and I don't think you should. As the other girls have said 13 is too far along for an abort but that is only my opinion.

Please stick around and let us know what you decide.[/b]
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  #12  
July 6th, 2007, 02:19 PM
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Thank you so much for all the replies. I am not a bad person and I think, deep down, I do want this baby but I'm just sad that it's not how I planned becoming a mother to be.

I'm pro-choice but I don't know if I can actually go through with an abortion myself - I think it would haunt me. Also, i've seen the memorial site of the lady who replied to me first and she lost one of her precious babies and here am I thinking of getting rid of mine. I found that humbling.

Thanks again, i will keep you posted.
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  #13  
July 6th, 2007, 03:21 PM
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If you are already feeling like you may feel guilty for aborting, then you probably will....so your real question is can you deal with the results of your abortion. You will be able to continue on your path thru school and life, but will you honestly be able to forget. If so fine, if not then you are heading towards an unhappy road of guilt. Also I always like to think that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you are suppose to have a baby now because you won't be able to later in lfe....this is the case with my mother-in-law. She had my husband at age 14 (close to 15), and she is now almost 37 (my husband is almost 22). In '04 she was diagnosed with breast cancer.....February of this year she thought she had beaten but blacked out and had a wreck. As a result we have found out she has brain, breast, liver and bone cancer and may or may not make it. The point of this story is to say that she had her son early because she couldn't have later on because of severe health issues she has been dealing with since her early 20s (ending with this cancer). I don't want to sound like I am preaching because it is your choice, but if you decide to keep this baby....whenever you are having a bad day....just remember everything happens for a reason (including the decision you make). I hope this helps.
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  #14  
July 6th, 2007, 08:40 PM
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I believe everyone has a choice, but my personal choice is against abortion. I know deep in my heart when I was being told to do it, thats when I was confused the most... you start listening to outside forces instead of your heart. In the end really who has to deal with the out come? you do, and you will think about it everyday for the rest of your life. Maybe your strong enough to live with it... but I guess you have to ask yourself that question.


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  #15  
July 7th, 2007, 07:02 AM
Star's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do want this baby but I'm just sad that it's not how I planned becoming a mother to be.[/b]
I don't think most of us planned it to be this way!! But the mere fact that your parents are going to be there to support you says a lot, and that you will be able to do this!! Also, if you do wish to give the baby up, I also back up adoption. I just visited with a couple of friends last night who were unable to have a baby and just adopted a little girl 2 months ago. The father is so proud and excited to have her now, it was great watching him beam! Good luck with your decision.
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  #16  
July 7th, 2007, 11:39 AM
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I don't think most of us planned it to be this way!![/b]


None of us would be in this forum if we had planned it this way.. TRUST ME.. this isn't how I thought my life would go.. but I am SO happy that it is!
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  #17  
July 7th, 2007, 12:34 PM
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I don't think most of us planned it to be this way!![/b]


None of us would be in this forum if we had planned it this way.. TRUST ME.. this isn't how I thought my life would go.. but I am SO happy that it is!
[/b]

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  #18  
July 7th, 2007, 09:25 PM
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Oh, how do I know how you feel.

I never even wanted to give birth. I wanted to foster and adopt underprivileged children and here I am pregnant at 17. I completely felt like my future was gone when I found out. I was almost excited by the possibility when I bought the tests, but I hadn't really understood what it would be like to see that positive. I just thought of what cute furniture I would buy. Now I'm worrying about finishing high school, let alone college.

Abortion may seem like the easy route, but I know it would forever haunt me. I could never do that to something that I made, you know? I feel like I have to protect this little creature that's inhabiting my body and inconveniencing my social life, . As crazy as it sounds, I'm happy that it happened to me now. I think that being in my situation will make this so much more rewarding and make me realize what it is that is most important to me.

I don't know, however, what it's like to do it alone. I am the product of a single parent and I believe I'm all the better for it. I wish you the best of luck in your adventure, keep us posted!
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  #19  
July 8th, 2007, 11:51 AM
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so your life isnt turning out the way you planned... but look at the way it will turn, all the new things you get to do....

being pregnant has been the most eye opening experience of my life. i used to be self centered and i thought about everything in terms of how it effected me. now my entire life revolves around this tiny person inside me. she is my reason for living.
I'm 21 and i was in 2nd year in college. i got pregnant before christmas and although i tried to keep up with my school work i just couldnt and i failed my exams. I dont intend to go back anytime soon, but i have my beautiful baby instead.

i promise you, if you already feel like you dont want an abortion, you will begin to love your baby more than anything and that love will make you happy and determined to make something of your life. your dreams arent gone, you just have to go about reaching them another way.

i wish you all the luck in the world. please keep us posted. oh and as for your bf, sounds like you'll do so much better without him.
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  #20  
July 9th, 2007, 09:21 AM
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I know that you're scared. Listen, take what you will from our advice, but in the end it will be your decision. We aren't the ones who will have to live with it.
I had an abortion when I was 24. It does still haunt me, but I know in my heart that it was the right decision. I wasn't ready to have to be a single mom. I had a boyfriend who would have been there for me emotionally, but couldn't keep a ######ed job! I didn't love him and I couldn't be tied to him for the rest of my life. I couldn't have the happy life I have now if I had kept the baby. Still, I do have to wonder, what my child would have been like. What would it have been like to hold his or her hand. I would have loved my child.
See, these decisions are never cut and dried. You have to know if this is something you can live with.
As far as the age of the child is concerned, I don't know if you will be able to abort at this stage, even if you want to. It depends on where you live. I know that second trimester abortion has been outlawed in the US unless your life is in danger. You'll have to find out. Good luck.
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