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  #1  
August 9th, 2007, 04:02 PM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If they weren't happy about the pregnancy, how long did it take them to come around? I just found out today that my pregnancy is healthy, and everything is going well and now SO is acting like this is the worst thing that could have possibly happened. It's making me feel like s**t! He doesn't want me to have the baby, and keeps telling me there is no way we can do it. I really won't do anything other than have this baby, I've had an abortion before, and I would honestly rather him hate me forever than put myself through that again. It's not worth it, and I would never regret a child, and my family would love him/her to pieces. I've told him my decision is made, and he's making me feel like I'm doing something horrible to our kids by having the baby. He's like, "we're going to have to pull them out of school, we won't be able to involve them in any sports..." I know we're only adding a sibling, and their lives would be as full as always. I'm just very stressed and unhappy with him, and am looking for some hope that he might come around at some point. He's still calling the baby a thing, and it kills me because it's a baby to me, not a thing.
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  #2  
August 9th, 2007, 06:30 PM
Mommy2AvaRose's Avatar Super Momma
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It's still very new. Give him some time, he should come around. My bf and I are expecting our first in 4 weeks, and it wasn't easy in the beginning. This is only our first child, but given our situation, the fact that we weren't prepared or financially stable definitely had a lot to do with us being worried about bringing a baby into the world. He would scare me because I thought he wanted me to get an abortion, though he would never say it straight out. Maybe he didn't have to. Anyways he couldn't be more excited now, and can't wait to meet his baby girl! So maybe time is all you need. He knows how you feel about abortion, let him have some time and see how that works. Hopefully he will come around. Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck!!
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  #3  
August 9th, 2007, 11:17 PM
HighwayDaisy
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As much as being pregnant is a huge roller coaster ride of emotions for us, it's also one for them, believe it or not. I'm still with my BF, and in the begining he was actually very supportive. We made the decision together to have the child and it was an exciting one. However, there have been many times since that he has been much less supportive. It's hard for everyone involved, especially when it wasn't something expected.

But, I've found that just being really honest helps a lot. Giving him time to sort through everything helps a lot. And talking to him about HIS fears helps a lot. Having a baby is scary. I know that as much as it's a complete blessing and now I wouldn't want anything else, I'm still scared to death. So is my BF. That's a little more difficult for him to express. But I just continue to hold on to the hope that he truly will be happy once he has his son in his arms!

Give him a little time to sort things out. I'll hope for you that he'll come around, but no matter what, there is a TON of support you can find here. If you want to talk more, please PM me! I'd be happy to listen!
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  #4  
August 10th, 2007, 06:07 AM
Melanie.'s Avatar Totalimmortal
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Don't let him treat you like crap.
It's stressful, but babies are great in the end. He's just flipping out, but it's still no reason to be that way to you.
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  #5  
August 10th, 2007, 06:25 AM
Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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After I told bf I was pregnant he did not say a word about for about two weeks. Eventually he came around and became happy about it.

Good luck, I hope you bf will come around soon.
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  #6  
August 10th, 2007, 01:18 PM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks everyone, that makes me feel a little bit better. He's still being really insensitive. The moment I even mention one word about being pregnant, he says he doesn't want to hear it. I just hope it gets better. I feel so alone when I'm home now.
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  #7  
August 10th, 2007, 04:30 PM
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Even though we had no plans to have another baby he accepted it right away. He was shocked and I wouldn't say he was happy about it but he accepted it.
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  #8  
August 10th, 2007, 05:05 PM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
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*lurking*

Alison, thats why you have your JM ladies. We're here for you. I know Dom is being insensitive right now, but give it a bit more time. Hes in shock. He probably didnt even realize that just one month of doing it while on antibiotics would do anything.

I showed my BF what Dom said about how he doesnt want it, and I told my BF if he ever said anything like that to me, id kick him out (lol) he told me that that would be his responce too since we dont have the time or money for a kid. It started this whole big fight. Men.

Like i said -- wait until the first u/s. He'll come around after that :-)
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  #9  
August 10th, 2007, 07:49 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ali, I was lurking and just had to give you a bunch of big I wanted to tell you something that you probably already know.... Men do total 180's in a heartbeat! DD's dad went from ecstatic at the BFP to abusive within the first 4 months. Meanwhile, Zack has gone from saying no babies EVER to saying he wants to TTC sooner than I do!

I recommend you get the kids to a sitter or family for a night sometime this weekend or next. Then tell Dom you HAVE to talk. Let him know that you care about him (I'm sure he's worried this baby will mean more than he does and it might "ruin" your relationship) and that you know that this wasn't planned but that it happened and you need his support. I know from all your posts that Dom really does care about you and Elsa and you love him and his kids, too. Just try to gently get him to talk to you about his worries. Let him know that this is not the time to attack you but a time to set down plans and goals before this baby arrives. I know you got a great job offer so maybe you should discuss the pros and cons of the new job and offer to visit a financial planner to lay down a plan for you guys to put money away or buy a bigger house or whatever you need to do. I also know that Dom's kids' biological mother is not a good one. I'm sure he's worried that history will repeat itself. Let him know that you aren't going anywhere and you are by his side through thick and thin.

I know you are hurting right now Ali but I think it might be the right moment for you to act totally supportive and understanding of Dom without giving up your position on keeping the baby. You are so strong Ali and I know you can do this. Just think of Dom as a baby for the moment and try to soothe his tantrum and try to be emotionally there for him. Men are not in touch with their emotions (DUH!) and we know this but sometimes we forget that this means when they are hurting or scared sometimes they don't know what they're feeling and just act plain mean.

We're here for you Ali and no matter what we are behind you 100%. Good luck and keep your chin up! You are truly blessed and everything will work out just the way it should! Congrats again on your miracle!
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PR's: 5k-25:05 (old PR 25:10), 5M-45:03 (old PR - 47:22), 10k - 52:00 (approximate - training), HM-2:25:58 (ran a 2:17:36 during marathon), Full- 4:49:25 (old PR -5:49:40), 50k-7:05:56, 50M-13:31:14, 100k- 18:59:31 (old PR 20:56)
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My Pregnancy Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c6297
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  #10  
August 11th, 2007, 02:42 PM
Bekah's Avatar happy 2 be a girl mommy!
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I am new here too and I remember you from WTTC

I just got a today but have been on BCP for the last 3/4 weeks so I didn't even know I was preggers until I tested this afternoon thinking my test would be a total waste!!

I don't know when it gets better because I just told DF, and I think at first he didn't believe it and now he just acts mostly like it doesn't exist or it never happened. I am hoping he will come around by the time we get to hear the heartbeat!! I know exactly what you are going through ( well minus kids already) because this baby couldn't have come at a WORST time! I am here if you ever want to talk
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  #11  
August 11th, 2007, 02:47 PM
Grateful~Gentle~Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm glad that you are putting the baby first. It is Still SOOO NEW and I hope your SO comes around soon but if he doesn't its kinda too bad. He is already commited to you and you all have other children together. This baby was meant to be!

Congratulations.

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  #12  
August 11th, 2007, 07:12 PM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sara- thank you so much. For the most part he's being really sweet to me, but I know he's hoping I won't have the baby. It's just not an option for me. Last night he asked me to drink with him, and I told him no, I'm pregnant. I've tried talking to him about it, but he says unless I'm talking about making an appointment to have an abortion, he doesn't have anything to talk to me about. For now I'm trying to keep the topic closed until he knows we can't do anything else but have the baby, I'm guessing when I'm closer to 9-10 weeks.

I've talked to my co-workers about this, and they just say all men are jerks when they're scared, and to just wait for him to come around. In my heart I know he will, I just wish it would be sooner. I'm really excited about being pregnant, and it's hard not being able to share it with him right now. He is acting like it's not happening, and doesn't want to even hear about it.

The funny thing is, we were at dinner last night, and his 5 year old says, "I really want Alison to have a baby soon". We both looked at eachother like, who told him!? And it's even funnier because he normally says he doesn't like babies. I know he couldn't keep being unhappy if it was something that the kids were excited about, so I'm hoping once they know, and start asking questions, he'll start getting excited too.
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  #13  
August 11th, 2007, 08:03 PM
HighwayDaisy
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Maybe that's the trick to getting him excited? Get the kids excited and he'll have to follow suit!
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  #14  
August 11th, 2007, 08:18 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
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At first DF was very supportive of the whole thing, but then part way through it he started slacking off.. now he's supportive again :S.. I think he got the mood swings worse than I did! Now with only about 2 weeks to go until baby, he loves every minute of it.. I'm sure your SO will come around, just give him a little time, it's all still new to him. But still, him being afraid or whatever is no reason to treat you badly, and he needs to realize that..
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  #15  
August 12th, 2007, 06:39 AM
Mummy2R
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Hi Alison

We're both from the April expecting board!

I just wanted to say HUGS and I know what u are going through. I posted something simular on the April board but I do find it hard to admit to them about as a lot of the woman are married and tried for a baby. And I feel so bad saying how I feel. I want my baby too but my ex...son's dads...whatever I'll call him doesn't. The only time he brings up me being pregnant is to ask have u made an appointment yet! As in abortion!!!! F**k off!!! LOL

I'm thinking of u hun, and if u ever need to chat i'm here!

Nicky


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  #16  
August 13th, 2007, 10:32 AM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Nicky, I just replied to your thread over there. And right now SO is the same way, only asks about the pregnancy if it's to ask if I've made an appointment for an abortion. It's been really lonely when I'm home with him. And he'll keep asking if I'm okay, and all I can say is that I'm fine, because I know if he knew I wasn't even considering abortion, he'd get mad.
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  #17  
August 18th, 2007, 08:37 AM
MLBelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lurking here a bit as well but
My SO actually broke up with me for a while towards the end of January after we first found out we were expecting. It took a lot out of both of us. If I hadn't given him time and space to think things over, who knows where we would be right now. He also wanted me to get an abortion and I told him it wasn't an option for me. It took a lot but we got through it.
Now we have a month (or less) to go and he is thrilled. There are times when we discuss how very much unplanned all of this was and how very different things would be if it wern't for this baby.
Needless to say, we'd both be in VERY different places.
I would give him some time and wait until he approaches the topic. Most men are stubborn but it will eventually come up. I would just take it easy and not stress yourself out. You have quite a ways to go before this baby gets here.
I think the thing that made my whole situation more real to my SO was when we went for the first ultrasound (at around 9 weeks) and he saw the heartbeat. From then on things got better. There were still bumps in the road from time to time but all in all it has worked out.
Good luck!
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  #18  
August 20th, 2007, 09:27 PM
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im just lurking and came across this thread



Alison, plz be strong for yourself and the baby you are carrying, i agree with the other ladies, give him sometime to come around, but if this continues and he is still not treating you well, i think it would be time to move on. Maybe that will give him a big wake up call.

Bless you for keeping the baby
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  #19  
August 21st, 2007, 07:47 AM
paganmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Alison, I can understand how you feel. I had my daughter and then there were two abortions between her and my current pregnancy. I don't want to go through that again. This was definitely not expected. In fact, I was on birth control until 2 weeks before getting preggo. My husband is super excited and I am nervous. I suppose one of these days I will be super happy, but I never got that elated and excited feeling when I was pregnant with my daughter. So who knows.
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  #20  
August 23rd, 2007, 04:52 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ali, just checkin in to see how things are going? Is he being better about this yet? You know I work in NYC alot and I'll stop over one day and kick his butt for you! I'm glad to see your pg is going smoothly. Every time I log in to JM I look for a post from you just to make sure your ticker is still in your siggy. I really miss seeing you around the I want a Baby board but I am happy to see our ladies getting on with their dreams.

I really hope everything is happier at home now. Congrats again on your miracle!

P.S. When are you planning on telling family, friends, and the kids? I think you'll feel alot better once you have some excited supporters backing you up!
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Running for my health and sanity!
PR's: 5k-25:05 (old PR 25:10), 5M-45:03 (old PR - 47:22), 10k - 52:00 (approximate - training), HM-2:25:58 (ran a 2:17:36 during marathon), Full- 4:49:25 (old PR -5:49:40), 50k-7:05:56, 50M-13:31:14, 100k- 18:59:31 (old PR 20:56)
(All of these PR's are going down this season!)

My Pregnancy Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c6297
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