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  #1  
September 5th, 2005, 06:36 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Hi!
I'm 9wks pregnant and am so unsure what to do. The father already has a baby thats 4 mos w/ another woman. I want nothing more than to keep this baby but i know things will probably not work out. I'm too scared that I'll be doing this alone and am not sure if i can do it. I'm 23 and not the most financially stable. My parents will probably kick me out. Please help. I've done a lot of research and really don't think that I can have an abortion. I don't think that I could live w/ myself. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

The father of the baby wants an abortion b/c it would cause problems w/ his current baby's mom. He doesn't even care to know when our baby is due. Some times he does act like he cares but most of the time, he doesn't even acknowledge that I am pregnant. I feel so lost and alone.
Please help.

thank you.
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The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #2  
September 5th, 2005, 07:09 PM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi Jade,

Call Birthright. They're in the phone book. They'll probably try to talk you out of an abortion but that's pretty much something you sound against anyway. This is what they DO-- they'll have tons of resources and will help give you some direction.

If you're thinking of adoption, please stop by the Adoption board. I'm the host-- the mom (adoptive) to a delightful (most of the time!) 7 year old adopted boy, and two (biological) also mostly-delightful girls. The ladies there can give you lots of input as to what a wonderful thing adoption can be.

The best of luck to you as you wrestle with these choices.
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  #3  
September 5th, 2005, 07:13 PM
momma06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't know really what to say but just do what you think is best. If you don't have a job then get one and save up. If you can't have an abortion then don't get one, simple as that, stick to your grounds no matter what. If the father leaves you then that just proves that he's a jerk and you don't need to be with him and file for child support with no remorse. As for your parents maybe they'll be understanding and will let you stay there for the time being, maybe just for you to save up a lil bit of cash so that you can live on your own. Good luck with everything.

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  #4  
September 5th, 2005, 07:52 PM
lilmomma601's Avatar Regular
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I am in kind of the same situation....but I am 19, and my SD does not talk to me. He wanted an abortation, and I was scared to death to do that and I just knew my parents would kick me out. Well I told Mitch to go screw himself on the whole abortation thing....u have to think can u live with yourself after that....and my parents were surprisingly understanding and now they are so excited and so supportive....I wish you all the luck in the world...and if it comes down to it there are tons of wonderful people in the world wanting to adopt. Just do what is best for you!!!

If you ever need to talk...I am here!!!
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  #5  
September 5th, 2005, 08:03 PM
MamaAshley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sweetie, I was in your situation once, I won't say the outcome of it (very personal to me) but I just want to say that you need to do what is best for you and this baby. Forget your parents, forget the baby's father, it comes down to you and this baby. Yes, your parents are probbaly going to flip out, but most of the time they come around, and if they don't then you don't need them in your life. Find someone you can trust, call birthright, find people who are going to help you make GOOD and RATIONAL decesions, not people who are going to tell you to have or don't have an abortion. I'm strictly pro-choice, so i'm not going to say not have one or have one, but I will say you are 9 weeks that baby is already formed quite a bit, so please do CONSIDER not having one. If you can maybe consider adoption, it is a wonderful thing, and although I could never give a baby up, i'm also married and financially stable, so that wouldn't be necessary. Maybe in your situation I would, I don't know. I am here if you need to talk. I don't know where you're from, but i'm sure there are agencies you can call for help, or local clinics. PLEASE don't let ANYONE talk you into an abortion if it's not want you want, if anyone is trying to talk you into anything then they aren't worth your time! Good luck and please let us know how you are and keep us updated.
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  #6  
September 6th, 2005, 12:50 PM
mrobinson
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I'm pro-choice but would also support MamaAshley in saying - don't let anyone talk you in or out of an abortion. There are lots of options out there with tons of people willing to help you out. Honey, if we here can do anything for you, let us know.

Hugs sweetie!
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  #7  
September 6th, 2005, 07:11 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Hi!
I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I had an appointment for abortion today that i had booked b4 posting. I drove halfway there (well the baby's dad did) and realized I couldn't do it. It was such a relief when I said it out loud that I was keeping the baby. He said he doesn't want it at all but he'll support me anyways. Well, that's better than nothing....I just wanted to let u guys know what was going on. I'm still scared but know that I am doing the right thing. Hopefully my family will be happy and supportive but who knows? I'll manage. Thank you again.

Jade
__________________










The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #8  
September 6th, 2005, 07:28 PM
momma06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself and not doing something you didn't want to do. Now you don't have to go through all of that emotional distress. I bet everything will work out for you one way or another. Take care and good luck!

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  #9  
September 6th, 2005, 09:20 PM
Miss_La's Avatar Veteran
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GOOD JOB!

I'm so very proud of you! Keep your head up hun, we're here for you!
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  #10  
September 6th, 2005, 09:36 PM
1shortmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry I'm kind of late on this post. I am glad that you did not rush into a decision that you were not prepared to handle. I have a friend who had gotten an abortion our senior year in h.s. and she regrets it to this day. She wishes she would have chosen adoption because she wasn't prepared to take care of a child either.

I wish you the best of luck in your pregnancy!!

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  #11  
September 6th, 2005, 10:14 PM
mrobinson
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Sweetie- I'm so proud of you! Abortion is a tough choice and not for everyone. I completely respect you for standing up for what your heart told you to do.
There are still alot of options out there so maybe that will help from this being too overwhelming.
We are all here to help you through this... Take care hon.

HUGS!!!
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  #12  
September 7th, 2005, 12:16 AM
BlueHaze24's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally posted by jade_jade@Sep 5 2005, 07:36 PM
Hi!
I'm 9wks pregnant and am so unsure what to do. The father already has a baby thats 4 mos w/ another woman. I want nothing more than to keep this baby but i know things will probably not work out. I'm too scared that I'll be doing this alone and am not sure if i can do it. I'm 23 and not the most financially stable. My parents will probably kick me out. Please help. I've done a lot of research and really don't think that I can have an abortion. I don't think that I could live w/ myself. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

The father of the baby wants an abortion b/c it would cause problems w/ his current baby's mom. He doesn't even care to know when our baby is due. Some times he does act like he cares but most of the time, he doesn't even acknowledge that I am pregnant. I feel so lost and alone.
Please help.

thank you.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]

Hey there, I am pretty much in the same situation, as yourself, I am 24, and the father of my baby, is not too happy, about me being pregnant. Wanted me to get an abortion, as well....messed up part, he wouldn't even help me with the money, if I even wanted to get an abortion, so I haven't even spoke to him, in over a month, and I am sure he has no idea at this point, if I am still pregnant, or not....well I am. I decided to have this baby, I went with what I thought was best...not what he, or anyone else thought! I am also not in a very stable financial situation, either, but will make ends meet the best that I can. There is help out there! Just make sure, YOU decide what is best...don't let anyone else influence you!!
Good Luck! ~Erica
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  #13  
September 7th, 2005, 12:28 AM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Hi again
Well, my baby's father came over tonight to talk about what we're gonna do....It didn't turn out so well. When I told him once again that I was keeping this baby, he said it would be an unwise and selfish decision. He said that we were in no condition to raise this child. It's not my fault he already has a baby. Although my financial situation sucks (lots of debt, still in school), my job pays pretty well for a PT job. I think that it is manageable. My biggest concern when i first found out was that i would have no support from my family (they would kick me out leading me to find my own place and more bills). Now I don't even have his support.

I'm thinking of telling him to go *&^% himself and do this on my own. I'll just call him when his baby is born out of courtesy. What do you think?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....

Jade
__________________










The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #14  
September 7th, 2005, 09:00 AM
JCat's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,665
I think you should get him to pay child support. Legally he's obligated to help out financially, even if he doen't want to. Definatly look in to that. I don't know how you'll feel about my next suggestion, don't take it personally. You could always look into getting temporory help from the government, if your in the U.S. Get food stamps, and federal money ect. That way you can stay in school and make life better in the long term. Walfare is not a permanat solution but it will help you get started and give you time to come up with one.

Good luck
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  #15  
September 7th, 2005, 03:47 PM
1shortmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by JCat@Sep 7 2005, 10:00 AM
I think you should get him to pay child support.* Legally he's obligated to help out financially, even if he doen't want to.* Definatly look in to that.* I don't know how you'll feel about my next suggestion, don't take it personally.* You could always look into getting temporory help from the government, if your in the U.S. Get food stamps, and federal money ect. That way you can stay in school and make life better in the long term.* Walfare is not a permanat solution but it will help you get started and give you time to come up with one.

Good luck
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]


I was going to put my own post but I think that this sums up exactly what I was going to say. There are government programs to help you financially. There is no shame in getting assistance until you can get on your feet. There is even assistance to help you pay for daycare while you are in school. I also agree on the child support...the father is finacially obligated to help out. Personally I would make him help out regardless of if he wants to see the child or not.
Good Luck to you.
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  #16  
September 7th, 2005, 04:44 PM
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Guess I'll throw my 2 cents in. The father should definetly be held financially responsible. You can't make a baby on your own. It takes two which you obviously alreay know. Right now he may not be ready, but how does he take care of the other baby. Is he involved at all trying to be a Dad? "Anyone can father a child but it takes a man to be a Dad", saw that quote along time ago. I am 19 and 6 months pregant. In the begining my boyfriend braught up abortion and I said right away I couldn't do it. Sometimes when we fight I still hold it against him, even though it isn't fair. I believe that where there is a will there is a way. I am pro-choice. But I personally think that abortion should be used if the girl is very young, raped, or phsycially or mentally ill, or is a drug addict. It all depends on you and how you feel. Most women that have had an abortion regret it for the rest of their life. At least women who give up adoption and regret it usually find peace that their child is taken care of and alive. Please decide soon though because like someone else said, the baby is already formed well and will continue to grow. Keep us posted.
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  #17  
September 7th, 2005, 05:19 PM
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Hi
Thanks for the feedback. Ironically, he is an amazing father to his son who's 4-5 months now. I know he wasn't really there for the mother (emotionally) but he loves his son dearly. Maybe it's b/c the son is already born and here to love while my poor child is still unborn. Maybe he'll come around after the birth.

Has anyone else had this experience? The father being completely unsupportive at first but then changing when the baby is born?

I know I'm keeping the baby for sure so there's no more confusion there. I saw the heart beat last week...i wouldn't even think of aborting now.

Jade
__________________










The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #18  
September 8th, 2005, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by jade_jade@Sep 7 2005, 04:19 PM
Hi
Thanks for the feedback. Ironically, he is an amazing father to his son who's 4-5 months now. I know he wasn't really there for the mother (emotionally) but he loves his son dearly. Maybe it's b/c the son is already born and here to love while my poor child is still unborn. Maybe he'll come around after the birth.

<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]

Perhaps he will come around - probably now he's thinking about the negatives like the expense and responsiblily, rather than being a dad again. i think sometimes men don't really connect with a pregnancy until there's a real live baby to hold and then it hits them that they are a dad. Even if he isn't there for you (you sound strong & totally capable of taking care of yourself anyway!) he should be there for his child. Get all the benefits you can from the government, take care of yourself & the baby, and good luck!
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  #19  
September 9th, 2005, 05:45 AM
3girls1boy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,057
Quote:
Originally posted by jade_jade@Sep 7 2005, 06:19 PM
Hi
Thanks for the feedback. Ironically, he is an amazing father to his son who's 4-5 months now. I know he wasn't really there for the mother (emotionally) but he loves his son dearly. Maybe it's b/c the son is already born and here to love while my poor child is still unborn. Maybe he'll come around after the birth.

Has anyone else had this experience? The father being completely unsupportive at first but then changing when the baby is born?

I know I'm keeping the baby for sure so there's no more confusion there. I saw the heart beat last week...i wouldn't even think of aborting now.

Jade
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]


Jade-
I went through this with my Fiance when i got pregnant with our now 3 yr old daughter! I also went with throught the get an abortion stage this time also! I am 22! I have 3 little girls I was very very young when i had my oldest daughter and to me abortion was out of the question then! My parents flipped at first then My Mom came around! Even though my oldest daughter doesnt have her father (thankfully) My mom and i share joint custody and she has everything she could ever want! Back to the dad thing When i found out in july my fiance sad he was leaving if i didnt get an abortion! I knew i would never look at myself the same way and i would loose respect for myself so i told him to go! well needless to say he is stil here and coming around slowly i just quit pushing! Our daughter means the world to him and now he is starting to look at baby stuff with me!
I wish you lots of luck! The only thing i can say is hang in there there is always light at the end of the tunnel!
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  #20  
September 9th, 2005, 11:41 AM
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Whoah, you're still living with your parents? My fiance and I were for a couple of months, and then we moved out on our own. I hope they let you stay with them, though, until you are able to get out on your own. Start saving money, though, I already have, too.

Go ahead and tell your parents. Mine were really excited! 'course, my mom's almost 53, and ready to be a grandmother.

I hope everything works out for you, and see if you can get child support, as well. What really helps are Food Stamps and WIC. I have both. We're not the most financially stable, either, because my fiance works according to the weather. He's a Landscaper, and the foreman at his job. And I don't work. I'll tell ya, though, even though he makes close to $350 a week, it's STILL not enough. That's why I want to get a job pretty soon.

I guess since you've already decided to keep the baby, Congrats! My fiance and I have only been together not even 8 months, yet, but we're really excited. Just you get excited about it, too! You get to be a mom and see what you're baby will be like!

That's really inconsiderate of him to suggest abortion because it would cause problems with his other baby's mother. To me, it sounds like he just wants a way out of it, and wants it to be easy for HIM.

Good luck, though! I'm sure you'll be a great mother, with or without the baby's dad there.
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