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Is she, isn't she...


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
December 19th, 2004, 09:57 AM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 1
I was going out with a girl for about 6 weeks, and at the beginning we felt very very strongly for each other.

I'm 24, she's 22, and we'd both had rough rides with past relationships, so i guess that brought us together quicker than normal. I'm not normally one to hop into bed with anyone... but things progressed quickly, and it was what we both wanted.

We spent the night together, used a condom, and everything was nice. We slept together once more after that before i decided that the whole situation didnt feel right to me... so i 'broke it off' if you like.

We kept in touch, we were good friends after all, and could talk freely to each other.

I got a txt from her last night, telling me she had missed her period by 2 weeks (never happened before), and that she had done two HPT's, one negative, another positive

She's seriously worried, as am i..... she admitted she's been seriously stressed the past few weeks due to our break up, and a lot of other family problems.

I've persuaded her to get to the doctors asap tomorrow to find out for sure....

So, the condom definately didnt split, of that im positive (i try to be careful and always check afterwards)... so although they arent 100%, my feelings are that the missed period is down to stress (hopefully). Doesnt explain the positive HPT tho..??

But, if it does turn out that she is pregnant... what on earth do we do? I know it's not going to work between us, i know she sees differently though.

I havent even approached the subject with her until we know for definate..... but i just see myself as far too young for a child. I have friends who had kids young, and they deserted the mother and dont even keep in touch! I've always slated them for this... but id never been in the situation myself.

My career is progressing nicely, she plans to go to Uni...... i know it sounds awful, but it would seriously hamper our lives i feel. I have feelings that tell me it would be wrong to bring up a child when the parents arent devoted to each other (god, saying that scares me!).

I'm not an idiot, i dont sleep around.... im just a very scared and confused lad (shaking as i type here!!). Im just looking for advice from people who've maybe been through the same thing if there are any on here?

Thanks for reading..... i'm keeping my fingers crossed ...

Chris
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  #2  
December 19th, 2004, 10:25 AM
I Heart 4x4
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Posts: n/a
First of all Chris, welcome here.


I'm Ashley, I'm 21 and I have a 2 year old. Sometimes the best things in life are the most unexpected. So try not to think of this as something horribly negative because it's quite the opposite. Everything happens for a reason. Just because you possibly got a girl pregnant ... doesn't mean the end of your career. It also does not mean you have to get married, either.


Lots of people can co-parent a child. There are arrangements that can be worked out (child support, custody, etc.).


When I got pregnant with my son back in 2002, I had been with the guy for a very, very short time as well. In fact, the day after I moved out (yes, I moved in with him after only a couple weeks, bad choice!) ... I found out I was pregnant. I don't talk to the father anymore, and for a long time I faced being a single parent. Luckily for me, I met my now DH (sorry, dear husband) and we've been together since I was 6 months pregnant. He's now in the process of adopting my son, and as for the other guy ... he's completely out of the picture.



To answer your question ... yes, it IS possible to miss a period due to stress. I've done this myself a couple times. As for the HPTs ... do you know if they were the same brand? If not, it could be that one test is more 'sensitive' then the other. If it is the same test ... it would all depend on if she took it right after the other, if she used first morning urine, etc.


I would definitly recommend her getting in to a doctor's office ASAP.



And take another look at the condom box .... they aren't 100% effective, even when the condom doesn't break. I think it's about 87% or so ... I'd have to research it.




Best of luck to you, Chris. I'm sure you will find your way and make the best decision you can.


((hugs))




If you'd like to talk to my DH about being a young father, he'll be home later on today from work. Let me know (I have AIM - I Heart 4x4 is my username), and he'd be happy to talk to you, man to man.
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  #3  
December 19th, 2004, 10:51 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
Hello. Welcome to JM! I'm 22. I had my son when I was 21. The father and I had only known each other a month when I got pregnant. It was scary. He was in his 4th year of college amd wanted to make sure he would graduate. He thought the same thing you did. If he had a child he would not succeed. Well I wasnt gonna give up the baby or abort him. Knowing he would have a child actually pushed him harder. His GPA went up and graduated on the deals list. He know works at a great medical center. We lived in Denver for 6 months and are back in NY. We just bought a car and are buying a house this summer. We were fortunate that we love each other and plan to stay together forever.

I tell you the story of my husband so that you can see that it is possible to suceed with a child. It doesnt matter if you guys are together as a couple or not. Tell her straight up that you dont want to be with her romantically. but if she chooses to keep the child you will be man enough to help out as father. Discuss what you want to do as parents. Put it in writing.

Urge her to go to the dr ASAP. You deserve what is going on as much as she does. She could also be late because of stress. Only a blood test can tell.

Good luck. Try to look at the positive side--yes there is one. I child is a blessing. Things will be crazy and stressful but a child makes it all worth it. A child give you a goal.
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