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Hey there everyone. I'm a teen currently still attending high school. I came across the forums unintentionally but i'm sort of happy I found it.
I conceived last May, early in the month, and it was a complete accident. The boy i'd been seeing was a senior and we'd been dating about eight months at the time. Our relationship had been somewhat on and off and May was no different. He was set to graduate in June and our relationship had been a bit on the rocks, not knowing how exactly we'd react to him being a college freshman.
Our birth control failed and I realized I was pregnant in mid June. My period, which had been late for the first time other, was the first factor in the line of determining my pregnancy. As a young teen who had her whole life ahead of her, I was very scared and I chose not to tell my boyfriend for a very long time.
On June 27th, I miscarried late one night. Everything went smoothly, the baby being roughly sevenish weeks along. It took a lot more of a toll than I thought it would.
To this day I still feel upset from time to time about it. I'm not naive to the fact that my life would've changed drastically, but the fact of the matter is that I would've had a baby very soon. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but I still feel angry at times. I blamed myself for a long time afterwards but soon knew that it wasn't my fault. I moved my anger to God, not knowing why he'd take my innocent baby's life.
I'm still trying to accept it, and I feel like I still have a long way to go, even though a lot of time has passed. I hope that here i'll find people who understand. I've had a hard time talking to anyone other than my now ex-boyfriend about it. I don't want people to think i'm insane that I miss the baby and feel empty at times.
I am Melissa... I am simply lurking here. I was pregnant at the age of 17... had my baby girl when I was 18 and placed her for adoption.. but I would like to offer some supportive words here. I miscarried May 18th. 2005. It was a VERY traumatizing experience. I nearly lost my life in the process.... that's an entirely different story and I wont tell you unless you'd like to hear it.
I am very close to my daughter's adoptive family. I still see my daughter frequently and her mother is one of my best friends. I am going to copy an email that I wrote after she emailed me offering her sympathy. She had suffered through 5 miscarriages herself and was so supportive. I saved this email because it is SO helpful to go back and read it when ever I am feeling down.... or missing my baby.
Here is her email to me:
Dear Melissa and Dustin and Lauren,
Words cannot express how sorry we are that you lost the baby. I can say I know what youíre going through and itís true, but itís different for everyone. For me, it was like okay, one day Iím pregnant and the next day Iím not. Wasnít I supposed to get something out of this? I know in the upcoming days you will get an outpouring of love and sympathy. People will say many things to try to make you feel better. Things like, ďYouíre young, youíll have lots of children,Ē or ďIt wasnít meant to beĒ or others you havenít even thought of yet. Be gracious and thank them for their concern because they are only trying to comfort and support you (like I am). They will remind you of the blessings of your two daughters and take that to heart. But to lose a child that you havenít held or kissed is difficult and most people donít have to experience that. It is grief in its most poignant form. It is the grief of hope. Dreams are destroyed and plans are dashed. A child has been taken from you that you never felt you had. Will the next pregnancy be another miscarriage? Fear may come to grip you, but remember just as hope can die, it can be resurrected. You all are the living proof of that for me. So, as the sage and unfortunate woman you had three miscarriages, do this for me. Grieve as God would want you to. Take whatever time you need to work through the process of your loss. (Believe me, I am still coming to terms with Momís death, but thatís another story). And then, make a place in your heart for your child and God will show you the way to fill your heart with love rather than grief for your loss. I have known women with the same grief who have spent years dwelling on what might have been and their loss is not the miscarriage but the miracle of what can be. Miraculous things come from loss and I know that God has miracles upon miracles planned for your family. He has already shown you that. He has guided you to this point and you have been blessed and have blessed so many others. Life has neither a plan or a guidebook, faith is all we have to lead us through and that is your guide.
Well, for not having words to express my love to you, I have found too many. Please know that I am here to listen and support you. We all love you and God is not about to forget you. In my book, you already have a spot reserved in heaven. Melissa, you are a special woman. God has just begun to lay out his plans for you. Your path lies ahead of you. Trust that God is carefully planning the way.
And here is my email that I often go back and read as a reminder that I CAN handle it...
Thank you so much for this e-mail. It means so much to us to hear the people we love comfort us with such sweet words. I know nothing in itself could take away the pain that we are feeling. I do know that by God's grace we will make it through. I also know that we should cherish everyday that we have with our loved ones. You never know when God will call them home.
I know that this precious baby is in God's arms right now and he will give him/her a kiss on the forhead for me. That alone is what I am living off of right now. Nights are the hardest. Things are quiet and all you can do is think. You wonder if you will ever know if it was a boy or girl. You wonder if it was in any pain. I wonder so many things, but I know that God's comfort is the greatest and there is no love greater than His love. He would never do anything to hurt His precious child. I trust that He will work things for the best like He has done so much in our lives.
At this point tears are countless, but smiles are too. God has our precious baby in His arms. What greater thing than that? I remind myself that this was God's baby to begin with, He probably wanted to see it even more than we did (hard to imagine... I know... but true). We just have to count our blessings not our tears. We will make it.. I know we will... God loves us too much to have us hurting too long.
Anyway, Thank you SO MUCH for these kind words. I hope you realize how much they are appreciated. We love you all more than words could ever explain. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
You are the farthest thing from insane to be missing your baby and still in pain. I can't claim to know your pain.. but I'm so sorry you have to feel it at all. No matter what the timing, a baby is always a blessing.. no matter how young or old we are, they mean just as much. Your feelings are very validated.
I hope that you'll stick around.. welcome, despite the unhappy circumstances.