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Brokenhearted


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 6th, 2008, 08:45 AM
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In the last month I have learned that I am pregnant. In fact, I am now 9 weeks. I am completely devastated. This pregnancy is a result of a new relationship. The first one I have had since my divorce 1-1/2 years ago. I have been on the pill for 10 years...it worked all through my marriage and I expected it to continue to work in this new relationship. I didn't mess up and I haven't been on antibiotics. When I found out, I instantly knew that I would have this child. I am financially stable, with a good job, my own home and insurance. Not to mention an amazing support system in my family and friends. I knew abortion wasn't an option for me. I have had several friends go through that experience and they have never really gotten over the loss.
Needless to say this has been a complete shock to both me and my boyfriend. He's freaking out and we actually haven't spoken in about a month (since I told him). We have communicated through email, but I haven't heard from him in about 3 weeks. I know that this is a shock to his system and wasn't something that either of us wanted. I am trying to give him space to process what he needs to do. It doesn't help that he has moved 4 hours away. A move that was planned well before this happened and was done so that he could be close to his daughters from his marriage (he is also divorced). So, on top of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, I am mourning the loss of this relationship that meant a lot to me.
I feel like a terrible person. There is not one part of me that is happy about this. I am struggling to get through each day. Work is hard, too. I am a middle school teacher and have always been very involved with my students. They know that something is "wrong" with me because I am not acting like my normal self. I just don't know how this can turn out well. I feel guilty towards my child that I am not excited about it's arrival. I just feel hopeless right now.
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  #2  
February 8th, 2008, 05:03 PM
Melanie.'s Avatar Totalimmortal
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Ohio.
Posts: 11,976
It's completely normal to not be excited about an unplanned pregnancy. Give it time, you'll grow to really love your little baby.

Good luck!
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  #3  
February 8th, 2008, 08:05 PM
Mommy2AvaRose's Avatar Super Momma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Lebanon, Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,772
I was feeling the same way that you are feeling when I first learned I was pregnant. It slowly faded and I became excited about having a little one. Now I can't believe I ever felt that way, because my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hands down.
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  #4  
February 9th, 2008, 10:30 AM
ShelliBelli's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
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I was in this room about 9 months and felt the same exact way as you but boy have things changed.... I was with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He told me from day one that he had a vesectomy so when times got rough and I didnt have much money for the pill I stopped taking them thinking I was completly safe. We had a great relationship but a crappy one at the same time. We are so much a like that we argued all the time about everything under the sun. I found out in May that I was pregnant and I thought I was going to die. My parents are so old timey when it comes to stuff like that I just knew they would react like I was 15 and pergnant. And to make things worse Im white and my boyfriend was black and my dad wasnt crazy at all over me dating him becuase of that and had never even met him after 4 years of me being with him.So anyway I found I that I was pregnant and was like you even though i was devestated I knew abortion or adoption neither one was for me. Bu tI was often find my self praying that God would just takew it away. Well our argueing did not stop and I was under enough stress that I couldnt handle the stress of the relationship. And I refused to be pregnant in that kind of situation. So at the end of July I broke up with him. I was SOOOO head over heals in love with him breaking up was the hardest thing I have ever done but i knew that it was best for me and the baby. At this point I had still not even told anyone that I was pregnant. So there I was pregnant and all by myself. I didnt tell anyone i was pregnant until the middle of Novemeber because I had finally started gaining weight and knew I couldnt hide it any longer. Omg my family was so supportive and so excited (its the 1st grandchild and th 1st boy in the family) i couldnt have asked for them to react any better that they did. So to make a long story short I had my baby boy on Jan. 11th and I absolutly would not change one thing. I would do it over 100 times. Everybody told me ooh when you see that baby things will be different and I thought they were full of crap and I might like the baby but had no idea just how in love I would be with him. The ONLY thing I would do differently would be to have told people sooner and actually enjoyed nmy pregnancy. I hold my baby and just cry because I feel so guilty for not being excited when I was pregnant. Everything happens for a reason and it all works out. God does not make mistakes and even though I made a mistake by stopping my pills this baby is no mistake. He is here for a reason. And if nothing else he has made me happier than I have ever ever been. So trust me, when everyone says ooh when you see that baby it will all change, believe them. Its so true. I hope this has encouraged you little bit. If you want to talk or anything my name is Shelli and my email address is meowgrlx4@aol.com. Feel free to email me. Heres a pic of me and my beautiful baby boy... Ooh and by the way Ive since then found out that his daddy did not have a vesectomy. HaHa And im so in lov ewith this baby Im not even mad at him for lying. Im actually glad he did...
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  #5  
February 14th, 2008, 07:20 AM
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Thanks for the advice. I had my first ultrasound on monday....I got pictures of the baby and heard it's heartbeat for the first time. It did not have the effect on me that I hoped it would. I was hoping to be happy and excited, but instead I feel more guilty and sad.
I found out that I am actually found out that I am a little further along than we first thought. I am due August 31st. I went to the doctor on Monday because I was spotting pretty badly over the weekend. Everything is ok though.
I really want to be happy about this baby. I don't know how to do that though. I am having such a hard time accepting this, even though the pictures prove that it's real. I can't seem to forgive myself.
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  #6  
February 15th, 2008, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Thanks for the advice. I had my first ultrasound on monday....I got pictures of the baby and heard it's heartbeat for the first time. It did not have the effect on me that I hoped it would. I was hoping to be happy and excited, but instead I feel more guilty and sad.
I found out that I am actually found out that I am a little further along than we first thought. I am due August 31st. I went to the doctor on Monday because I was spotting pretty badly over the weekend. Everything is ok though.
I really want to be happy about this baby. I don't know how to do that though. I am having such a hard time accepting this, even though the pictures prove that it's real. I can't seem to forgive myself.[/b]


Stepharae

Am in the same position sort of , Been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs and everything has gone great except he's always told me he dosen't want to have anymore kids anytime soon ( he already has 3 ) and I've felt the same way , I mean we've talked to about having them but neither of us wanted them for another couple of years, well last month I found out I'm pg I am about 10 weeks now and am scared out of my wits. I still haven't told him for fear he's going to give me a choice ( I m sure you can guess what that is ) or else he's going to leave. But I'm 30 an this is my first child but I don't want to do this alone . I know I should get it over with and tell him but I'm scared and I don't want to lose Him ... any advise anyone .I live in a big city , have no friends or family and he lives 2 hours away ....
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  #7  
February 15th, 2008, 10:55 AM
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I don't know what to tell you about your boyfriend; he should realize that you are going to keep your baby no matter what he says and he should take responsibility and be a good father, but you can't control what he does; you can only control what you do. Just know that even if you don't have very many people to talk to in real life, you can always come here for support.
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  #8  
February 15th, 2008, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
Thanks for the advice. I had my first ultrasound on monday....I got pictures of the baby and heard it's heartbeat for the first time. It did not have the effect on me that I hoped it would. I was hoping to be happy and excited, but instead I feel more guilty and sad.
I found out that I am actually found out that I am a little further along than we first thought. I am due August 31st. I went to the doctor on Monday because I was spotting pretty badly over the weekend. Everything is ok though.
I really want to be happy about this baby. I don't know how to do that though. I am having such a hard time accepting this, even though the pictures prove that it's real. I can't seem to forgive myself.[/b]


Stepharae

Am in the same position sort of , Been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs and everything has gone great except he's always told me he dosen't want to have anymore kids anytime soon ( he already has 3 ) and I've felt the same way , I mean we've talked to about having them but neither of us wanted them for another couple of years, well last month I found out I'm pg I am about 10 weeks now and am scared out of my wits. I still haven't told him for fear he's going to give me a choice ( I m sure you can guess what that is ) or else he's going to leave. But I'm 30 an this is my first child but I don't want to do this alone . I know I should get it over with and tell him but I'm scared and I don't want to lose Him ... any advise anyone .I live in a big city , have no friends or family and he lives 2 hours away ....
[/b]

Angel_Gurl

I feel your pain. The hardest thing I had to do was tell my boyfriend about this. We were both recently divorced...he has 2 kids from his marriage and didn't want anymore. It was never even a conversation we had because it was a newer relationship AND I was on the pill. It was a huge shock to me but I have always known that i couldn't have an abortion, no matter what the situation. When making my decision, I had to follow some advice I received from a friend of mine. Whatever YOU decide to do, you have to be able to live with yourself and face yourself in the mirror. It's not about anyone else, as much as you want it to be. As difficult as that is, it's good advice and I try to live my life by that. You realize that you may be facing a decision that could potentially end the relationship that you're in and that probably means so much to you. I get that. I have been so sad to know that my boyfriend can't handle the decision I made and that something that was so important to me and was going so well is over. But, I know that I made the right choice for myself. And, yes, I know it is going to be hard, but I have to believe that there is a reason for this happening when and the way that it did. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but if you have faith, that will see you through.
It's funny for me to write this....because I am still trying to cope with how drastically my life has changed in the last few weeks. Be strong and know that there are others who have been in your situation and can offer you advice on what you need to do. If you want to email me, my address is good1myers@hotmail.com.
Take care of yourself!
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