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40 preggo with #5 ???!!!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 15th, 2008, 06:58 AM
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Is there anyone out there as old and dumb as me? I am going to be 41 next month and dh is 49. We have 4 kids ( 2 from my 1st dh,who died 15 years ago). My kids are 18, 16, 9, and 1. We planned our last baby, and meant for him to be our last. As it is, although my little guy is a joy, it is challenging, both financially and physically. I feel like I am spread pretty thin just trying to be there for all the kids and have my moments when I am truly overwelmed. I really need to go back to work, at least part-time to help make ends meet.

Now the studid, stupid and sad part. I am pretty sure I am pregnant and I know I can not have another child. Dh has an appointment to have a vasectomy next month. The stupid procedure was postponed twice because he changed jobs and our insurance changed. I haven't taken a test yet but I am 5 days late. We only had one slip up with condoms but it was the day after my last period ended, like day 7 of my cycle, so I wasn't that worried at all. The only possible reason I can imagine my period is this late is I did have a fever for the few days, I don't know can illness do that? Oh, come on, I'm 40 I know better.

I have already decided I would need to terminate this pregnancy. I am hoping at this early stage I would be able to have a medical rather than surgical abortion. Does anyone know anything about the pill? I would rather keep it as private as possible and thats tough in a family this size. I don't like to share my huge major screw ups with my teens at this stage of their lives. I know dh would be supportive either way, but I am a realist. Having this baby would have a major impact on everyones life, not just mine.

I am going to get dressed and go get a test. Thanks for letting me vent. I would appreciate any info and will keep you informed.
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  #2  
February 15th, 2008, 07:32 AM
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Hi,

I'm very sorry you're going through this. My mom had my little brother at 41, but he was planned, and it was a very complicated pregnancy. And when all was said and done, it was still just me and my brother.

Though I don't like to think of abortion as the best idea in any situation, I do respect your decision, and I'm sure your family will, too. Please keep us informed as to what you decide, and how things go. I'll be pulling for you.

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  #3  
February 15th, 2008, 07:47 AM
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Thanks so much. I need someone pulling for me at this point. I am so sad and scared.
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  #4  
February 15th, 2008, 09:27 AM
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I have a friend who just aborted an unplanned pregnancy by using the pill. She told me that she had up until 7 weeks to do it that way rather than have the surgical procedure.
Hope everything works out.....hang in there!
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  #5  
February 15th, 2008, 10:03 AM
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Thanks for your comment. I just took a test and it's positive. As soon as I pull myself together I have to figure out who to call. This is definately the worst thing I have ever been though, at least that was all my own fault. I am so sick to my stomach.
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  #6  
February 15th, 2008, 10:50 AM
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Sorry your going through this...

Theres a board on here for mother 35+ you'll find alot of people like you there.. good luck with your options.. I am not particularly for abortion so I cant really support you there but I wish you the best for you and your family!
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  #7  
February 15th, 2008, 11:46 AM
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Thanks, I don't think anyone is "for" abortion, but sometimes it may be the best option in the particular situation. I have always been pro-choice but don't consider myself a big cheerleader for abortion, just for a woman to be able to make what she feels is the best choice for her and her family. Anyhow, thanks for your support.
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  #8  
February 15th, 2008, 02:47 PM
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I always tend to side with the baby, so I can't really help you here. Adoption, I feel, would be a much better choice.
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  #9  
February 15th, 2008, 02:58 PM
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I had an abortion when I was 17 and I respect your decision. May I suggest moving this thread to the private board? You can ask Jax for the password.
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  #10  
February 15th, 2008, 10:39 PM
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Can't say anything pro-abortion, but I can say that my DH was the youngest of 6, and my MIL was just over 40 when he was born, and while it was tough - well, he made it through just fine. Good luck with your decision.
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  #11  
February 15th, 2008, 10:51 PM
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Thanks Stephanie.. I think that's a really good idea.

Reagan, if you're interested.. there is a private board where this can be discussed. (at the top of the unplanned pregnancy board). You don't have enough posts to access the PM part of JM, but if you have e-mail. I'd be more than willing to send it to you. It's a great place to talk things out without being judged (not that anyone here is harsh.. it's just kind of a saftey zone)

if you don't feel comfortable posting your e-mail here, mine is jeitenmiller@hotmail.com
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  #13  
February 16th, 2008, 08:02 AM
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As someone who went through with an unplanned pregnancy(a rape) and gave the baby up for adoption I tell you to do what is right for your family and yourself. Ignore what other people think and feel about abortion. Going through with an unwanted pregnancy is hard. While I do feel very biased towards adoption and feel like there are sooo many people that would love your baby I also know the difficulties of that path. I urge you to take a deep breath, talk to your husband, consider your choices, and then when you have a clear head in a week or so make your decision.

I would be glad to talk to you in any way. You are welcome to message me to talk.

And for those of you inserting your two cents on abortion...I feel strongly that this board isn't here to "knock" on someone's choices/options. We are meant to be here to support one another and help them through their situation. Instead of complaining about what they are choosing to do maybe offer some other options instead. We all need a shoulder to lean on during our rough times...reagan1027 is having a rough time. Support her.
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  #14  
February 16th, 2008, 10:45 AM
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she has every right to make the choice that is right for her. i think any further discussion needs to be moved to the private board immediately.
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  #15  
February 16th, 2008, 08:56 PM
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Wow. First, let me say I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I too have thought about the age thing, I'm "only" 32, but had my first 2 at 24 and 26 with the thoughts of maybe having a last baby at 28. I know I don't have the "over 35" stuff yet but just last year I was saying "in 12 years both of my kids will be off to college". It's hard when you're stretched to the limit and know you can't handle any more. You sound very sure about what you want to do. I understand and respect you incredibly for being so unselfish toward your other children, your husband and yourself.

I support your decision now and if it were to change I would support that too. HUGS, you're not alone.

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  #16  
February 19th, 2008, 03:50 AM
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Quote:
Thanks for your comment. I just took a test and it's positive. As soon as I pull myself together I have to figure out who to call. This is definately the worst thing I have ever been though, at least that was all my own fault. I am so sick to my stomach.[/b]

I don't know how a baby at any age or how many children you already have could be the worst thing that happened to you.

What about adoption?
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  #17  
February 19th, 2008, 11:31 AM
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I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do
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  #18  
February 19th, 2008, 07:46 PM
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I really think more of you should be supportive. Have you ever been through a really rough time and been unsupported, or even ridiculed for a decision you made? How did it make you feel? Put yourself in her shoes. You will not always agree with every decision someone makes, and although you have freedom of speech to voice your opinion- sometimes it is better left unsaid, especially when you are kicking someone who is already down.
To the OP- I wish you the best of luck. Please take a few moments to consider your options and make whatever decision you feel is best for your situation. Please keep us updated and BIG HUGS to you and your family.
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  #19  
February 19th, 2008, 08:41 PM
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after I ask you to be respectful and move the topic to the private room, some people still had the audacity to make snide remarks? This is a BOARD FOR SUPPORT not rudeness or judgements. It is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable. You should be ashamed. You have a right to your opinion, but SO DOES SHE. She only wanted support. perhaps I speak out of turn, but I feel this behavior is not okay.

This is a SAFE place for women to talk about how they feel, and I will not allow those with only mean things to say ruin that notion.

Will be having this thread locked. Please keep rude comments to yourself in the future if you can't be positive.
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  #20  
February 22nd, 2008, 03:52 PM
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I wanted to private message you because I think what all the other girls are saying to you is ABSOLUTELY horrible. I apologize for their rudeness. Unfortunately, you are unable to receive private messages yet.

If you need to talk about anything, I am here. I am on Just Mommies daily. I too had an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 17. Although I chose adoption, I completely understand your emotions. Please consider your options and know that I am here if you need to talk.


Edited because I wanted to let you know that my story is posted in the private forum if you'd like to take a look at my journey.
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