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  #1  
February 16th, 2008, 09:44 AM
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I hope I posted this right!

Hi all. I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Heather and I have an 8 yo DS and a 6 yo DD. This may get a little long with explanation, don't feel you have to read it.

My children both have different fathers, I married the first one (my "practice" DH) when I was 20, I left him at the ripe age of 24, when my DS was only 12 weeks old because DH tried to choke me. Not looking for sympathy, just being honest. In my haste to figure out which end was up I hooked up with another guy about 6 months after I left PDH (practice DH). Within 7 months I was pressured by him to move in and I did, and was expecting my DD within a month. You'd think I'd know how babies are made, eh? After telling my BF he lost ALL interest in me and became quite verbally nasty to my DS and I but I stayed and ended up marrying him after 3 years. That's what you're "supposed" to do when you have a baby together, own a house and are living as a family, right? Boy, was I stupid. After a total of 7 years with this guy I finally got the courage to take my kids and make a new life for us. Here is where it gets bad. I sort of rekindled an old, very old relationship with a guy from high school. I really like him, we just "click", but neither of us has even talked about living together or long term plans other than things like we should take the 4 kids (he has 2 as well) to the beach this summer. A week ago I found out I was pregnant. OMG! I honest to god have been on the pill since last summer and know that I didn't so much as miss one stupid pill, so I didn't even think it was a possibility! Well, he flipped out, he's trying to get custody of his 2 sons (their mother is a headcase and hurts them, CAS is involved with her right now). He does not want me to have this baby at all. Neither of us has a good job at the moment, although mine has possibilities.

I don't know what to do!! My sister, brother, mom and dad all know (thanks to my sis) and are very supportive either way I decide. I know that they would rather I keep it and would make sure that I was set up for a new baby. I know that on paper it makes no sense whatsoever to keep this baby, but by god I want to! I'm 32, have no plans on ever get married again (for real, this is not just pregnancy talk) and have a hard time thinking about terminating. Maybe if I'd never had kids it would be different, I wouldn't know what I'd be missing really. Everyone is being so politically correct and saying "whatever you choose to do", which is nice in a way to know that they would support me no matter what, but sometimes I just want someone to say "if i was in your position...". Oh, and I also KNOW that the father of this baby would want to be involved, very involved if it was born, so I am faced with him trying to get 50% custody, my other 2 are with me 12 out of 14 days.

Okay, that's my life right now. I would love to hear some "what i would do in your situation" comments. I won't take offence to anything, I promise and I would really like that no one else argue with anyone's comment. I need input badly and don't want to spark a "pro"-anything debate.

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  #2  
February 16th, 2008, 09:58 AM
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Only you can decide what is the best choice for you. The best advice I ever got from a friend of mine (back when I was going through my divorce) was that whatever YOU decide, YOU have to be able to live with that choice every day for the rest of your life. YOU have to face yourself in the mirror every day, so what will you be able to accept from yourself?

I, too, am pregnant unexpectedly. I have been on the pill for 10 years. It worked all through my marriage and I expected it to keep working. Boy was I shocked to find that in my first relationship since my divorce I got pregnant after dating 4 months. I never messed up taking it, wasn't on antibiotics, didn't change my prescription. I had to decide what to do. My BF wanted me to have an abortion, but I knew right away that I would never be able to forgive myself for doing that. So, I have decided to keep my baby. Unfortunately, he can't accept that decision, so he's no longer in the picture. I am devastated, but I know that I made the right choice for ME. Part of me hopes that he may come around some day, but I know that I can't count on that.

I know in my experience, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be for you with 2 kids already. I do have to say that if you decide to have the baby, this board has been a great place for me to read about what others have gone through and is slowly helping me accept this and hopefully at some point I can be excited for the arrival of my child.



Quote:
I hope I posted this right!

Hi all. I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Heather and I have an 8 yo DS and a 6 yo DD. This may get a little long with explanation, don't feel you have to read it.

My children both have different fathers, I married the first one (my "practice" DH) when I was 20, I left him at the ripe age of 24, when my DS was only 12 weeks old because DH tried to choke me. Not looking for sympathy, just being honest. In my haste to figure out which end was up I hooked up with another guy about 6 months after I left PDH (practice DH). Within 7 months I was pressured by him to move in and I did, and was expecting my DD within a month. You'd think I'd know how babies are made, eh? After telling my BF he lost ALL interest in me and became quite verbally nasty to my DS and I but I stayed and ended up marrying him after 3 years. That's what you're "supposed" to do when you have a baby together, own a house and are living as a family, right? Boy, was I stupid. After a total of 7 years with this guy I finally got the courage to take my kids and make a new life for us. Here is where it gets bad. I sort of rekindled an old, very old relationship with a guy from high school. I really like him, we just "click", but neither of us has even talked about living together or long term plans other than things like we should take the 4 kids (he has 2 as well) to the beach this summer. A week ago I found out I was pregnant. OMG! I honest to god have been on the pill since last summer and know that I didn't so much as miss one stupid pill, so I didn't even think it was a possibility! Well, he flipped out, he's trying to get custody of his 2 sons (their mother is a headcase and hurts them, CAS is involved with her right now). He does not want me to have this baby at all. Neither of us has a good job at the moment, although mine has possibilities.

I don't know what to do!! My sister, brother, mom and dad all know (thanks to my sis) and are very supportive either way I decide. I know that they would rather I keep it and would make sure that I was set up for a new baby. I know that on paper it makes no sense whatsoever to keep this baby, but by god I want to! I'm 32, have no plans on ever get married again (for real, this is not just pregnancy talk) and have a hard time thinking about terminating. Maybe if I'd never had kids it would be different, I wouldn't know what I'd be missing really. Everyone is being so politically correct and saying "whatever you choose to do", which is nice in a way to know that they would support me no matter what, but sometimes I just want someone to say "if i was in your position...". Oh, and I also KNOW that the father of this baby would want to be involved, very involved if it was born, so I am faced with him trying to get 50% custody, my other 2 are with me 12 out of 14 days.

Okay, that's my life right now. I would love to hear some "what i would do in your situation" comments. I won't take offence to anything, I promise and I would really like that no one else argue with anyone's comment. I need input badly and don't want to spark a "pro"-anything debate.[/b]
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  #3  
February 16th, 2008, 11:23 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Since you are not looking for a PC answer....

If you don't want to terminate your baby, DONT! It sounds like you have a wonderful family who will give you all the support in the world and lots of love for that little baby. And the fact that your two children are a little older will be helpful since you wont have two in diapers and they are a little more independent. God always gives us what we need so I am sure if you have your child than you will be taken care of.

Best of luck to you in whatever you choice but listen to your heart.
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  #4  
February 16th, 2008, 11:40 AM
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i would keep it... but that's just me.
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  #5  
February 16th, 2008, 11:45 AM
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Thank you for your replies. I do have 2 absolutely great kids who would be very excited about a baby.

I guess another whole dimension to this, for me, is that I did experience a miscarraige before I had my son and that baby was very planned and very wanted. I was crushed and still to this day feel like someone is missing in my life. I TTC'd for my DS for 2 years and was finally blessed with him. Having gone through infertility I feel incredibly guilty for not being excited about this baby and even questioning whether I should have this baby.
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  #6  
February 16th, 2008, 12:28 PM
Nikki.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If you want to keep the baby then keep it! I know my baby's father (and others on this board) have said they didn't want to have the baby, but a few weeks into the pregnancy they got excited about it.
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  #7  
February 16th, 2008, 01:58 PM
waitingforadi's Avatar Regular
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If I was in your situation I would keep the baby, it doesn't sound to me like you really have any reason not to.
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  #8  
February 16th, 2008, 05:32 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Sounds like a keeper to me

I think you are in a position to handle it. You have some time to decide, right? I say give it a little and see how you feel. I would keep it in your position, but then again I just gave birth to my little girl(had a not very good job, he urged to terminate, we have fought so many times about it yet I stood firm, and of course now he loves her more than his own life ). Maybe visit the private board to get some other people's stories(including my own).

Good luck with whatever you decide!
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  #9  
February 16th, 2008, 07:14 PM
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DItto what everyone else said ... I think you should keep it.. god never give you more than you can handle..

Congratulations
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  #10  
February 16th, 2008, 07:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you so much for your input ladies. You have no idea what you have done for me today. I spoke with one of my best girlfriends today and she said the same thing. I guess in a way I've been looking for permission to be excited about this baby. I'm going to go through with the pre-termination ultasound on Tuesday, but that's more to have a bonding moment with my new peanut. I know it won't look like anything, but just seeing it will make it feel more real. Of course, looking like Jessica Rabbit makes it feel a little real.
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  #11  
February 18th, 2008, 09:12 PM
lilmama's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
I hope I posted this right!

Hi all. I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Heather and I have an 8 yo DS and a 6 yo DD. This may get a little long with explanation, don't feel you have to read it.

My children both have different fathers, I married the first one (my "practice" DH) when I was 20, I left him at the ripe age of 24, when my DS was only 12 weeks old because DH tried to choke me. Not looking for sympathy, just being honest. In my haste to figure out which end was up I hooked up with another guy about 6 months after I left PDH (practice DH). Within 7 months I was pressured by him to move in and I did, and was expecting my DD within a month. You'd think I'd know how babies are made, eh? After telling my BF he lost ALL interest in me and became quite verbally nasty to my DS and I but I stayed and ended up marrying him after 3 years. That's what you're "supposed" to do when you have a baby together, own a house and are living as a family, right? Boy, was I stupid. After a total of 7 years with this guy I finally got the courage to take my kids and make a new life for us. Here is where it gets bad. I sort of rekindled an old, very old relationship with a guy from high school. I really like him, we just "click", but neither of us has even talked about living together or long term plans other than things like we should take the 4 kids (he has 2 as well) to the beach this summer. A week ago I found out I was pregnant. OMG! I honest to god have been on the pill since last summer and know that I didn't so much as miss one stupid pill, so I didn't even think it was a possibility! Well, he flipped out, he's trying to get custody of his 2 sons (their mother is a headcase and hurts them, CAS is involved with her right now). He does not want me to have this baby at all. Neither of us has a good job at the moment, although mine has possibilities.

I don't know what to do!! My sister, brother, mom and dad all know (thanks to my sis) and are very supportive either way I decide. I know that they would rather I keep it and would make sure that I was set up for a new baby. I know that on paper it makes no sense whatsoever to keep this baby, but by god I want to! I'm 32, have no plans on ever get married again (for real, this is not just pregnancy talk) and have a hard time thinking about terminating. Maybe if I'd never had kids it would be different, I wouldn't know what I'd be missing really. Everyone is being so politically correct and saying "whatever you choose to do", which is nice in a way to know that they would support me no matter what, but sometimes I just want someone to say "if i was in your position...". Oh, and I also KNOW that the father of this baby would want to be involved, very involved if it was born, so I am faced with him trying to get 50% custody, my other 2 are with me 12 out of 14 days.

Okay, that's my life right now. I would love to hear some "what i would do in your situation" comments. I won't take offence to anything, I promise and I would really like that no one else argue with anyone's comment. I need input badly and don't want to spark a "pro"-anything debate.[/b]

I am pregnant now with a baby I wasn't planning and for the first week i knew i was pgn...i didn't tell anyone except my best friend......I was seriously thinking about having an abortion because I hadn't planned this baby and hadn't been with the father very long..but i talked to my best friend about it and she said that whatever i chose she would be behind me 100%...I think for me the thing that changed my mind is when i told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he was happy and excited..(probably since it is his first baby)......I was afraid that he would leave and not want anything to do with me when i told him but in all reality.....he was completely the opposite....now I am glad i didn't go through with the abortion because getting ready for the baby picking out names and ESPECIALLY SEEING IT ON AN ULTRASOUND has got me so excited to be a mommy again and i can't wait for my little one to be born!!!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU IN ALL THAT YOU DO ........IF YOU NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO I'M HERE FOR YOU!!!
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  #12  
February 18th, 2008, 10:24 PM
Grateful~Gentle~Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thats awesome your family is so supportive. Mine was too but I sstill get the "why didnt you think about this before you had sex" business all the time.

Still, even as sleep deprived as I am, I believe its a child not a choice. I just dont believe in abortions. Im sorry if that offends you. I just know that you will regret it, as you said, you know what you will be missing but you also know what you're in for and I think you know its not going to be easy but those little baby lips and toes...and kisses and that smell, its worth it. Even with NO sleep, no money, so muc stress and anxiety, I can still say its worth it. I love mybaby so much, he is my reason for living.

Good Luck, I hope you keep your LO and I wish you the best. I just wouldnt be me if I said, "Its up to you, good luck with that!"
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