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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 26th, 2008, 07:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Let me start by saying that I don't need any comments from die-hard pro-lifers in this thread. I need compassion and understanding, please.

I'm now 6w4d pregnant, I have know about the baby since 4w1d and have run the gamet of feelings, thoughts, hopes, wants, etc. My problem is this...I want this baby. On paper my life looks like hell, one would wonder why I even bother to get up in the morning. I'm separated from my 2nd husband (since last Aug), I have 2 children, one with each of the ex's already. X-DH #1 is a great dad, pays support and we get along pretty well. X-DH #2 is a complete tool that not only refuses to pay support but is using the support issue to try to force me to sign a separation agreement that I don't think is fair at all. I'm not working at the moment and barely scaping by. We are still trying to sell the marital home, and it looks like that may happen soon, thank god and I will have $20-30,000 from it. The guy that is the FOB has 2 children that he's in the middle of fighting for custody for (the mom is very abusive, i'm not just going on his word...CAS is involved and it's a mess) and he's afraid that a baby with me, especially since we haven't made our relationship known to his kids, would seriously damage his chances of being able to gain custody of his 2 boys. He wants me to have an abortion and will not discuss the alternatives at all.

I know that the decision is mine but it's really difficult. I feel incredibly selfish in considering keeping this baby. What kind of life can I provide it with? How will it effect my other 2? How will it affect FOB and his kids? Can I do this?

I have an incredible support system of family and friends and everyone would love the new baby, but at the end of the day it will be me, and me alone that has to care for 3 children and make their lives happy and healthy.

I have a consultation appt. at 12:30 on Thursday, I'm going to go to it. I want this baby but I need to talk it out with the counsellors there. I just wish someone could tell me what to do, not just because of their moral stance on things because let's face it, if I have the child all of the pro-lifers would be happy but they're not going to help me clothe, feed and nurture it and if I terminate no one else will feel my pain, guilt and emptiness.

Ugh, I just want to crawl back into bed and wake up sometime before all of this happened.

Heather
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  #2  
February 26th, 2008, 09:00 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,397
Let me join you in the bad day...... I wish I hadn't gotten up this morning!

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time- and while I cannot sympathize with exactly how you feel, I can understand. I dont think anyone could possibly imagine how hard it is to be faced with an unplanned pregnancy if they've never gone through it themselves. People (MEN) can be so insensitive sometimes......

But at the end of the day- you have to follow your heart. If you want to keep the baby, keep it. If you feel it would be best to terminate, then do that. But I will tell you one thing- DO NOT base your decision on how it will affect other people's lives or their feelings. Because you're right, will they be there with you taking care of the baby, no. And as for the FOB- this is half as much his responsibility- he knew he was in the middle of a custody battle and that is not your responsibility. I find it INCREDIBLY selfish of him to ask you to terminate the pregnancy, just because it doesn't fit well into his life right now.

You can do it without him-- and you will be ok no matter what you choose.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!
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  #3  
February 26th, 2008, 04:32 PM
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Jax Jax is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pekin, Il
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I am in my second unplanned pregnancy now

I guess for ME it comes down to this.. (prolife or prochoice.. no difference.. I'm a little of both) it's GOING to be hard now. I don't have the money. I don't have the time.. BUT.. I do have the love. And I know that in 10.. even 5.. even TWO years down the road I'm going to be in a better place because I continually better myself BECAUSE of my child(ren). ykwim?

my husband has left me numerous times (I may be the one that's 21.. but at 25 he acts like a 16 year old ALL OF THE TIME) and now, after finding out about this new pregnancy completely FREAKED out.. -sigh-

I'm rambling. You do what YOUR heart wants you to do. Screw him. Screw whomever else.

You do what makes you feel the best at the end of the day.
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  #4  
February 26th, 2008, 05:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,274
Send a message via MSN to lovely_22
Thanks ladies. I'm not sure when I'm going to stop freaking out about this, I hope it's soon!

And just and FYI to any women who haven't figured it out yet, men only mature to the age of 12. What you see then is what you get when they're 50.

Thanks again. You guys rock. Wish me luck, I find out if I get the job at the bank tomorrow.

Heather
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