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OMG I told him....


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 6th, 2008, 12:41 PM
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I just sent FOB an email, impersonal I know but I can't talk to him in person as he gets very upset. I finally told him that I'm keeping this baby. Whew. From day 1 he's wanted to terminate, and I'll admit that I considered it. In the end I just can't.

I told him that he can be involved or not, it's up to him. I invited him to be included with all of the prenatal stuff if he wants. I really like him, we've been best friends for quite a while but only in a "friends with benefits" relationship.

Anyway, just posting because I have nowhere else to talk about this. Thanks for being so great ladies. I'm sure I'll be in a lot more with vents and stuff looking for support.

Heather
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  #2  
March 6th, 2008, 02:41 PM
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Hi Heather!

I am right where you are. I gave my FOB the same option....be here or not, it's his choice. I knew that I was the one who had to live with the decision that I made (to keep my baby). Since I haven't heard from him in about a month, my guess is that he is choosing to not be involved. I know that it's his loss, but it's really hard to accept when I know what a great dad he is to his children from his ex-wife. I don't want my child to have to suffer from not knowing his father, but there's really nothing I can do about it.

Be strong and have faith. You (we) will get through this!

Steph
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  #3  
March 6th, 2008, 02:52 PM
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Thank you, I feel quite relieved and know that with my other 2 kids running around and starting back to work I won't have time to worry about him.

Heather
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  #4  
March 6th, 2008, 05:48 PM
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ah! I'm glad you got the nerve to do it! I can't imagine how hard it must have been.. I really hope he steps up.. I was just thinkin about you the other day. Keep us posted on how he responds!!
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  #5  
March 7th, 2008, 05:09 AM
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Well, got a response. He called here about 25 times and I wouldn't answer the phone so I set him an email, he replied, then I send one more to which he replied. Check it out. What a loser. And BTW, I NEVER said that about my sister. She has 4 kids on her own (her BF died a year and a half ago) and she's back to school now because she was permanently injured at work.

My email:
> This probably isn't the best time to talk Bryan. We'll talk in a few weeks
> when you've had some time to think, okay?

His response:
OMG your not a mother to the kids you have now. Look at the problems. Honestly answer your phone now

My next email:
> not now bryan. nothing will be accomplished by talking right now. you won't
> change my mind, i'm sorry.

His response:
I knew that all this time that you did everything to try to trap me. With trying to contact any woman that I talk to. Yep your right, your just like all those moms looking to have many kids just too sit at home. Isn't that how you said your sister was. I guess the apple doesn't fall very far. Good luck

Okay, so if I was going to "trap" a guy wouldn't I at least pick one that had at the very least told me he loved me, had a job, had a car to drive, was not in the middle of a custody battle for his other 2 kids who he thinks walk on water? What an idiot.

Heather
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  #6  
March 7th, 2008, 08:27 AM
OrangeHope's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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^what a jerk! He should know that if he gets into bed theres always a slight chance of becoming pregnant no matter how hard you try. but besides that he should grow up and take responsibility!
You did good by not answering the phone, let him cool down without him filling your head with garbage!
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  #7  
March 7th, 2008, 08:31 AM
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The thing that kills me is that I honest to goodness took my pills religiously!! I did not miss even one!! I really didn't want this to happen. Ugh.

Thank you for the kind words. I feel a million times better today.

Heather
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  #8  
March 7th, 2008, 08:57 AM
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^still I have heard of lots of women who got pregnant on the pill. he chooses not to believe you cause he's all freaked out. can I ask what scares him so much about having a baby (o.k lol it scares me too), I mean does he have other kids, single, doesn't want to give up his child-free single life?

I'm so sorry about all of this, I hope he comes around and offers his suport with the baby and while your pregnant!
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  #9  
March 7th, 2008, 11:48 AM
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He has a lot of issues. He was with a girl for 9 years, they had 2 boys...she did get pg. on purpose with the first one. Anyone, she left him for a woman and he was mad (of course). His story and her story differ quite a bit from there. She said he was driving past her house and calling her house and that she was "scared" of him. He also taped he talking in their house to try to get her saying that she was going to press false charges against him. She answered the phone while he was taping. He was arrested for criminal harrassment and something to do with taping 3rd parties. He spent 19 months in jail/bail release at his dad's 3 hours away. She refused to bring the kids to see him...gee, I wonder why? Anyway, when the criminal trial came up he was found not guilty of criminal harrassment and guilty of "interception" with regard to the tape. He received a 2 year probation as a penalty. He was in jail/bail for so long because he refused to take a plea. Anyway, he has had to fight to even see his kids. Finally, after 2 1/2 years was given his full visitation back. Now he's fighting her for full custody. Seriously! He already has the kids every weekend. Check this out:

-3/4 weekends Friday 5pm - Sunday 5pm
-1/4 weekends Friday 5pm - Sunday 9am
-every Monday 4pm - 8:30pm
-every 4th Wednesday 4pm - 8:30pm

Holy cow! He has them 1/2 the time already. From what I see of him now I think he's totally lied to me. Although I'm not seeking out his ex (who was pretty sure we had a thing going on) but she'll see me sometime in the 7 months. What do you want to bet HER lawyer will call me to testify when they go to trial!

The whole thing makes me sick. Honest to god, these people sound like trash, don't they? I have graduated from college (twice!), held some pretty darn good jobs and have never called the police on anyone!! How did I get mixed up with that?

Sorry, this is way too long. I'm going to tack on his last email to me.

From him:
You will have to tell it why they do not have a father. If i choose to come back at anytime in someone's life I can and I will tell the true reason of why. I don't care if you think I am showing different colours. I am so sick of everyone and their hidden agendas. You can say what you want but i know better. All i wanted was for you to once stop thinking about getting attention. To actually think rational and how many lives you will cause hardship too. Just so you can pretend to be something your not. Grow up think rational because this only gets harder from here on. Others and I sat and listened to your crap about keith and what a mistake. Do you not think this is worse. Take responsibility for your actions I have and know what a huge mistake this all was knowing what ppl have said your like but i believed you. So enough is enough. I have 2 kids that have been through hell already and refuse to have another crappy weekend having you call a hundred times. I would have been there for you but you chose whatever you want for yourself which I feel sorry for my kids and your kids. Maybe someone will direct your kids to counselling and you may see what others do. Yes i mean this
I would have never ever tried to deliberately try hurt someone.


Thanks for letting me share ladies. Aaaaaahhhhhh!!

Heather
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  #10  
March 7th, 2008, 12:22 PM
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Hi, I just wanted to add something here and hopefully give you a little hope. When I got pregnant with my daughter, Her father was exremly PO'd... I didnt understand it, it took two people to make a baby right? Well, I didnt speak to him until about a week before I went to see what the baby was (gender). When I found out it was a girl, I called him and told him. That day he send flowers and called me to ask how his daughter was doing. From then on he became much more respectable to me (you wouldnt believe the things he said to me before) and we actually go married about 2 months before my daughter was born. Most men from when I gather from books and stuff, dont gain intrest in a pregnancy until they can feel the baby move or see it on ultrasound and know the sex. To women- it is a baby from the min we see the second line on the stick... to them, it doesnt really start until they hold the baby for the first time. It sounds like this guy has alot going on in his life. Give it some time and I bet he will come around. I will be thinking of you and pray that you have a stress free pregnancy! Good luck!
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  #11  
March 7th, 2008, 12:56 PM
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what an #####. oh i'd like to punch him. because yes, you'd be helping sooooooo many lives by killing an innocent child. riiight.

my husband said i was trying to trap him when i got pregnant this time around before I miscarried. He almost cried because I said I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy. "Oh you're just trying to trap me.."

umm yes, Jared. That's EXACTLY what I'm trying to do. Because why WOULDN'T I want yet another reason to be stuck communicating with you for the rest of our lives? Oh wait, that's right.. you don't have ANY ambition to better your life. You've changed majors 17 times. You're 25 and working in a deadend job that you've been at since you were NINETEEN, you treat me like #####, you continually cheat on me, you waste ALL of our money, you constantly make me feel fat and ugly (though I'm definitely neither) you used to physically abuse me, and you're an alcoholic.. what's not to want to trap, right?

And we're MARRIED. How the hell am I supposed to be trying to trap someone that I'm MARRIED to???? Oh yeah, that and we already HAVE a child together.. so if I were trying to trap him, I would have succeeded with the FIRST attempt.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. sorry. I HATE that excuse. It's just a way to cop out of responsibility. Want me to break his knees? I've got a great baseball bat.. muwhahaha. kidding.

Good luck. I hope he GROWS up soon.
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  #12  
March 7th, 2008, 01:28 PM
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wow. He's telling you to grow up? I think its the other way around. You definitely seem to be the responsible one in the situation. I would say he needs to grow up and stop being so selfish. I'm sorry you need to deal with all that. Hopefully he'll grow up and come around... If not, you're probably better off without him. Good luck with everything and congratz on keeping th baby!
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  #13  
March 7th, 2008, 03:16 PM
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LMAO!!!! I freakin' love you girls. No knee breaking needed, lmao.

It's hard because he's been my best friend but I'm so over the moon in love with my baby right now that I don't care whether he's around or not. Luckily, I have a wonderful family and this baby won't know anything but love. I've had chats with my 2 kids about "what if we had another baby" and they both get so enthusiastic. I know it will be hard but I'm up for the challenge and don't see this baby as anything but a blessing.

Again, I freakin' love you girls. Thank you soooo much, you have no idea how much you've helped me.

Heather
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  #14  
March 9th, 2008, 12:58 PM
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Good for you for being so positive and good luck with everything... can I ask what BCP were you on? Just for reference. Thanks.
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  #15  
March 9th, 2008, 02:25 PM
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I was on Triphasil. I really don't get it, it's the only pill I've ever taken and NEVER had a problem with it. The only thing I was doing differently this time was actually taking the week "off" to get my period. FOB was paranoid about me getting pg and needed the "reassurance" my period gave. I used to just take it continuously so I never worried about the messy stuff. Poetic justice for him, I guess.

Heather
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  #16  
March 11th, 2008, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
I was on Triphasil. I really don't get it, it's the only pill I've ever taken and NEVER had a problem with it. The only thing I was doing differently this time was actually taking the week "off" to get my period. FOB was paranoid about me getting pg and needed the "reassurance" my period gave. I used to just take it continuously so I never worried about the messy stuff. Poetic justice for him, I guess.

Heather[/b]
Oh wow. Well I've been on BCP since I was 17... I'm 31 now. And my dr says no issues for getting off and getting PG a few months later. We may TTC late this year/early next year, and I'll probably go off BCP about 6 months prior. I'm currently on Ortho Tri-Cyclen LO. I have tried Yasmin- didn't like... I've been on Loestrin... but like OTC-LO the best. Never PG. (fingers crossed!)
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  #17  
March 11th, 2008, 11:32 PM
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The thing that kills me is that I honest to goodness took my pills religiously!! I did not miss even one!! I really didn't want this to happen. Ugh.

Thank you for the kind words. I feel a million times better today.

Heather[/b]
Men can be so childish sometimes. Forget that loser, you are way better off without him!! Makes me so mad!
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