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Forum: Closely Spaced Siblings

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  #1  
June 12th, 2011, 06:44 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,376
I introduced myself before my 2nd was born. My boys are 18 months apart... Ezra is 2 months, Levi is 20 months now. I've been lurking on and off since then.

Do you have moments (or days) of "what have a done" or "what am I doing" about having kids close together?

I love the age gap, but my 20 month old is really wearing on me right now. I think it's a phase that will get easier once he starts talking more, but we're having some rough days right now.

The crazy thing is that I think I'm already ready to NTNP. I haven't gotten my first PPAF, so I don't think anything would happen right away, but DH and I both would be thrilled to have another. I think of the future and really have a desire to have my kids close in age. I want at *least* 3, but probably 4 or 5 kids and would prefer to have them and move past the pregnancy phase of my life.

Is it selfish of me to want to add another child to our family when I'm already so frustrated with my oldest? I go back and forth so much about my dreams for my family and the reality of what is best for us and am so, so confused. I can't decide if it's just a normal phase or if I'm actually having trouble caring for two children. I feel so great and it makes me sad to know how frustrated he is.
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  #2  
June 12th, 2011, 08:27 AM
Isabree's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 157
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I have two daughters, 2 and 1, and I still want a 3rd, but I feel like i'm going crazy most days with just 2. I think a lot of the "what have I done?" and those feelings are from lack of sleep.
I don't think it's selfish to want another so soon, I think you are willing to do the hard work now of having children close in age, so that in the end they will be very close friends
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  #3  
June 12th, 2011, 01:34 PM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: England, UK
Posts: 33,777
Welcome back monica!
My girls just turned 4 and 3 and i longed for a 3rd, even though the girls used to be such a handful at times, and sometimes i felt like i wasn't coping at all, some days i would cry if they stressed me out, yet i still wanted a 3rd, i think it is completely normal, now i have Lucas he is 1 and things are now settled and relaxed in our house that i can't wait to add #4!
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  #4  
June 13th, 2011, 04:18 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 503
I agree that a lot of the "what have I done" is from lack of sleep. I am totally there right now with a 2.5 month old and a 16 month old, although it is MUCH easier than I thought it would be! Some days I am barely coping (actually this last week has had me crying a lot), and yet I still want another one sorta close to these two. So I guess it's normal.
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  #5  
June 13th, 2011, 04:22 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,492
I had twins that were 2.5 and a 9 mth old when I got pregnant with my 4th. Also one of my twins has an autism dx with 30 hours of therapy a week and he didn't say his first word until he was 2.5. Yet, with all that chaos and many days where I prayed for nap time and bed time both Dh and I still wanted a 4th close in age.

Nuts??? Maybe, but I've learned at JM that many families do this and it all turns out in the end. So just know you are very much not alone in your desire to add more chaos with another CS child.
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  #6  
June 13th, 2011, 07:14 AM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 5,906
Oh Monica, I can SO relate! I was in the exact same position with my boys (also 18 months apart)! Those first few months were TOUGH! and there were definitely moments where I wondered if I had rushed things wanting to get preggo so fast after my first... I was a little more hesitant than you in the beginning, to want to have another, but come 6 months pp, the baby fever was back... We're not pregnant yet, and that's ok by me...I'm trying to remind myself of how hard it was in the beginning, and to just cherish this time of Conlan being my baby...but that being said, it's hard to see my friends getting BFP, or having newborns, and not yearn for another! Crazy? Probably...but DH and I feel that we are ready to have another when God's sees fit, and we will definitely view it as a blessing!

Hang in there, it does get easier! and NO, you are not crazy, or selfish, or anything else..
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Last edited by GranolaMamaOf3; June 13th, 2011 at 07:16 AM.
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  #7  
June 13th, 2011, 10:23 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,376
Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better already. Venting about it here helped me take a step back to try out some new things with Levi. I've renewed my patience with him.

Having 2 close definitely isn't as hard as I expected all around, but then there are the moments where they both need me and I have to choose which one to tend to first. I think Levi was feeling a bit left out, since I usually have to tend the Ezra first.

The day I posted that was the worst day we've had so far. The whole day either one of the boys, or I, was crying. It was so out of the blue, I was not prepared at all for it.

I really appreciate all the kind thoughts from everyone!
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  #8  
June 13th, 2011, 03:12 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
I'm glad you're feeling better You're definitely not alone though! I think we all have those days, and although Sophia won't be quite as close as Alyssa and Rylan are, we plan to have our 4th quite closely as well.
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  #9  
June 15th, 2011, 12:09 AM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think it is selfish.

And no, I don't think what have I done. I do ask myself if I suck as a parent some days though...
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