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It's not fair having kids closely spaced...


Forum: Closely Spaced Siblings

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  #1  
June 28th, 2011, 02:42 PM
mommy2skyty's Avatar Super Mommy
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This weekend I went to a birthday party with both of my kids and I got talking to another mom who was there. I noticed that she had a 7 year old and a 1 year old and we got talking about having kids and such. She really likes having a big space between her kids and that it really works well for her life since she works full time. Then she said "wow you had your kids really close together" and I explained that I really enjoyed having my kids close. Then she goes on to say that "she doesn't think it is fair to have kids soo close because it makes the older sibling grow up too fast and the older sibling doesn't get enough one on one time with their parents." I know she has her opinion but I had to disagree with her because I feel like I have always spend lots of time with both of my kids and that my daughter didn't have to grow up fast. Then she says "did you want your kids close" and I explained that while my son was a surprise I am soo thrilled he is here. Then she says "oh ok" and then she says "I can't believe there are parents out there who purposely have their kids back to back and wonder why they are soo stressed out." Of course I mentioned friends who have had their kids 12-13 months apart both planned and unplanned and how everything worked out for the best. I feel like this lady is really going to offend someone one of these days with her comments.

Don't you feel like you have a bond to other mommies who have kids close together rather than parents who have had their kids far apart? I don't like to judge other mommies and I really believe their are pros and cons to every age spacing What's the weirdest thing someone has said to you lately?
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  #2  
June 28th, 2011, 07:50 PM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
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i actually just posted about this in the private room lol...yeah i hear it all the time. it p!sses me off but i just let it roll off my back. hubby and i both know that all the kids get time with us and we do what we can so who cares what others think.
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  #3  
June 29th, 2011, 02:37 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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i prefer to bond with people with kids close in age! i have been told before when my kids misbehave it's because they are looking for attention as they don't get enough because they are close in age fgs!! very annoying.
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  #4  
June 29th, 2011, 04:48 AM
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You know what I get all the time??? "You know how this happens don't you?" Uh, no, please explain to me how babies are made?! I mean, come on!!

Someone just said to me recently, "Olivia had to grow up too fast." Uh, okay, she's only 17 months old and I don't make her change the babies diapers, do I??
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  #5  
June 29th, 2011, 05:32 AM
LisaMarie!'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hate when people judge. Its funny because I think when you have them further spaced out like the lady you were talking too, the 7 year old have more responsibility. I bet the mom expect the 7 year old to do a lot of caring of the 1 year old.

We have a friend who have a 17 year old and a 5 year old... the 5 year old was an accident. The parents love to go to bars and drink... well guess who is taking care of the 5 year old is she isn't working. Their 17 year old. I hate it because she should be enjoying her teen year and not worry about giving a 5 year old a bath, feeding her and getting her to bed. They go out about twice a week, this is a lot when you have little one and they are in their 40's.
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  #6  
June 29th, 2011, 08:16 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have two sisters who each had two kids with big gaps and I assure you, the kids were no better b/c of it. When I start making my 4 year old drive the other kids into the city for preschool or swimming lessons, then we'll talk about how unfair it is to have them close in age
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  #7  
June 29th, 2011, 11:12 AM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMarie! View Post
I hate when people judge. Its funny because I think when you have them further spaced out like the lady you were talking too, the 7 year old have more responsibility. I bet the mom expect the 7 year old to do a lot of caring of the 1 year old.

We have a friend who have a 17 year old and a 5 year old... the 5 year old was an accident. The parents love to go to bars and drink... well guess who is taking care of the 5 year old is she isn't working. Their 17 year old. I hate it because she should be enjoying her teen year and not worry about giving a 5 year old a bath, feeding her and getting her to bed. They go out about twice a week, this is a lot when you have little one and they are in their 40's.

i couldnt agree more! i honestly feel the same way..it would seem the older kids would have more "work" put on them because of the age difference. at least our closely spaced children can all play together etc and WE parent them not have the older child do a lot of it. that is exactly why morgan and i want to have our three close together, not that we would force our oldest far apart child (if we had one) to do everything but i could see where a parent might take advantage of that and to me that is really sad.
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  #8  
June 29th, 2011, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMarie! View Post
I hate when people judge. Its funny because I think when you have them further spaced out like the lady you were talking too, the 7 year old have more responsibility. I bet the mom expect the 7 year old to do a lot of caring of the 1 year old.

We have a friend who have a 17 year old and a 5 year old... the 5 year old was an accident. The parents love to go to bars and drink... well guess who is taking care of the 5 year old is she isn't working. Their 17 year old. I hate it because she should be enjoying her teen year and not worry about giving a 5 year old a bath, feeding her and getting her to bed. They go out about twice a week, this is a lot when you have little one and they are in their 40's.
I can tell you from first-hand experience that if parents aren't responsible than the older child would definitely be doing more, and "growing up too fast". We have wide spaced children and close spaced children so I see the pros and cons to both. We do have Baylee help a lot, and I even have family members tell me, "Oh, you should have her help more!". Um, no. She is a part of this family and will contribute, but she didn't choose to have sisters. I'm really tired so I hope that made sense and you see that I'm agreeing with you.
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  #9  
June 29th, 2011, 10:10 PM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I sort of agree with her in a way...but bare with me a second, my closest two are 15 months apart, and the next closest 21 months and the next 3 years, so obviously I don't mean I totally agree.

However, what I do mean is, that there are benefits closely spaced siblings don't get.

What she forgets is that for EVERY choice we give up something, so there are also benefits that not closely spaced siblings don't get.

Life's not fair...so what? Hopefully she didn't upset you too much.
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  #10  
June 30th, 2011, 03:51 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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there are pros and cons to every age gap i think.. just have to do the one that suits you best and other people should keep their noses out.
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Sarah (27) married to Stuart (31)
together for 10.5 years married for 4.5 years.
mummy too....
Ryleigh (8yrs - April 24th 2006)
Rhianna (7yrs - June 7th 2007)
Lacey (6yrs - June 5th 2008)
Lucas (4yrs - April 26th 2010)
Connor (1yrs - February 15th 2013)

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  #11  
June 30th, 2011, 06:06 AM
Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah* View Post
there are pros and cons to every age gap i think.. just have to do the one that suits you best and other people should keep their noses out.
That's the key...that lady was just plain rude!
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