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abortion for saving the father...hmmmmm?


Abortion Debate

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  #1  
April 17th, 2009, 07:47 PM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Threw you off, didn't I?

I am watching an episode of "House." This guy is dead unless he gets a kidney transplant. He will be dead within weeks without one. His wife is the only match for him, but... while running the blood work to find that she was compatible, they also find she is pregnant. Because she is pregnant, she can not give the kidney.

What would you do? Say your DH is in a coma and can't voice in opinion, so its your choice alone.
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  #2  
April 17th, 2009, 07:50 PM
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Abort, give the kidney.
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  #3  
April 17th, 2009, 08:13 PM
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easy. tell the husband you love him and hope you had atleast a few good years with him,and keep the baby.
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  #4  
April 17th, 2009, 08:21 PM
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I would also abort and give my kidney. I don't think I've seen that episode of House but it sounds really good.
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  #5  
April 17th, 2009, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OceanChild View Post
Abort, give the kidney.
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  #7  
April 18th, 2009, 12:11 AM
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why is everyone so determined to abort?? just a question so noone get angry about it.
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  #8  
April 18th, 2009, 12:20 AM
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Well, to begin with, for the most part, politically I am prochoice, but personally, I am prolife in the majority of cases. I could never tell another woman what to do with her body, but I don't like abortion, and its not something I could normally do.

However, I believe my DH's right to life as an established human trumps an unborn's right. How could I choose for him, who is far enough advanced to know what life and death is, that he should die? A baby that is not born is precious, of course, but I would not say that baby is more important than an existing person. Besides, to choose for him to die means I not only cause grief for myself, but for his own mother and family. How could I do that to another mother, say that her baby is so unimportant that I would sacrifice it for my own?
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  #9  
April 18th, 2009, 12:27 AM
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so is his life which he has lead to adulthood is more important than a unborn child? your saying that even though your child is not born,but has a heartbeat and moves is not as important as your husbands?

Last edited by april2; April 18th, 2009 at 12:30 AM.
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  #10  
April 18th, 2009, 12:35 AM
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If my unborn child dies, the grief I feel as a mother would be less than the grief that I would have felt as losing my DH, but slightly less. However, I would have spared his mother the grief. You ask me, why would the unborn be less important? I ask, why would the life of another be less important? Is the life of an unborn person more important? I am asking that honestly, not angrily. If so, how and why?

How would you tell your DH's mother, "I'm sorry, but your baby has less meaning than my baby?"
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  #11  
April 18th, 2009, 12:48 AM
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I would save my husband. My husband is more important to me. I wouldn't even think twice about it.
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  #12  
April 18th, 2009, 12:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarheadwed View Post
If my unborn child dies, the grief I feel as a mother would be less than the grief that I would have felt as losing my DH, but slightly less. However, I would have spared his mother the grief. You ask me, why would the unborn be less important? I ask, why would the life of another be less important? Is the life of an unborn person more important? I am asking that honestly, not angrily. If so, how and why?

How would you tell your DH's mother, "I'm sorry, but your baby has less meaning than my baby?"
i understand,im not angry and i dont want anyone else to be either. im saying that if your husband dies and you keep the baby at least you will have the baby which is apart of both of you. and i know that my husbands mother would be upset if i choose our child over her son,but i would hope she would understand that is her grandchild and her son will live on through that baby. does that make since?
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  #13  
April 18th, 2009, 12:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarheadwed View Post
If my unborn child dies, the grief I feel as a mother would be less than the grief that I would have felt as losing my DH, but slightly less. However, I would have spared his mother the grief. You ask me, why would the unborn be less important? I ask, why would the life of another be less important? Is the life of an unborn person more important? I am asking that honestly, not angrily. If so, how and why?

How would you tell your DH's mother, "I'm sorry, but your baby has less meaning than my baby?"
I don't think that is what you are saying or doing. In order to save Dh's life you have to go through two MAJOR surgeries that aren't guaranteed to save him anyway. In order to save the unborn child you do nothing...but allow them to grow to maturity. There is a HUGE difference IMO between not going to extenuating circumstances in order to save someone & taking measures to end a life. You are not choosing between ending Dh's life & ending the life of your unborn child. You are choosing between ending the life of your unborn child to save your Dh possibly - or allowing Dh to go on the regular donor list (just like he would if you weren't a match) & hope a kidney comes while simply allowing your unborn child to continue to live.

I know for a fact Dh would never expect me to do this for him...and frankly I really don't think there is any chance that I would. I would be devastated if I lost him....but I would personally never be able to live with myself if I chose to abort for this reason. He doesn't expect me to change who I am or how I believe for him now & that doesn't change if he gets sick...same goes for me...as I don't want him to do anything that goes against his beliefs for me - ever.
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  #14  
April 18th, 2009, 01:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by april2 View Post
i understand,im not angry and i dont want anyone else to be either. im saying that if your husband dies and you keep the baby at least you will have the baby which is apart of both of you. and i know that my husbands mother would be upset if i choose our child over her son,but i would hope she would understand that is her grandchild and her son will live on through that baby. does that make since?
But instead of having a part of him, I could have the real him.
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  #15  
April 18th, 2009, 01:08 AM
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but you would be killing another person for this and like beckie said, there is only a chance he would survive to begin with. what if you had an abortion and gave your kidney to your DH and he still died,then you would have to suffer the loss of 2 deaths when one of them could have been prevented.
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  #16  
April 18th, 2009, 01:17 AM
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I would grieve more for him. I really would.
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  #17  
April 18th, 2009, 08:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by april2 View Post
why is everyone so determined to abort?? just a question so noone get angry about it.
I am not determined to abort. I am determined to save my husband within reason, and this IMO is within my reasoning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarheadwed View Post
Well, to begin with, for the most part, politically I am prochoice, but personally, I am prolife in the majority of cases. I could never tell another woman what to do with her body, but I don't like abortion, and its not something I could normally do.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by april2 View Post
so is his life which he has lead to adulthood is more important than a unborn child? your saying that even though your child is not born,but has a heartbeat and moves is not as important as your husbands?
Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. And unless I am 18-22 days past conception, then the fetus does not have a heartbeat yet. The original question did not state how far along the wife was, only that when they did her blood work they learned she was pregnant so I imagine she is not far along at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
I don't think that is what you are saying or doing. In order to save Dh's life you have to go through two MAJOR surgeries that aren't guaranteed to save him anyway. In order to save the unborn child you do nothing...but allow them to grow to maturity. There is a HUGE difference IMO between not going to extenuating circumstances in order to save someone & taking measures to end a life. You are not choosing between ending Dh's life & ending the life of your unborn child. You are choosing between ending the life of your unborn child to save your Dh possibly - or allowing Dh to go on the regular donor list (just like he would if you weren't a match) & hope a kidney comes while simply allowing your unborn child to continue to live.

I know for a fact Dh would never expect me to do this for him...and frankly I really don't think there is any chance that I would. I would be devastated if I lost him....but I would personally never be able to live with myself if I chose to abort for this reason. He doesn't expect me to change who I am or how I believe for him now & that doesn't change if he gets sick...same goes for me...as I don't want him to do anything that goes against his beliefs for me - ever.
From what I understand, kidney transplants have a pretty good success rate but I could be wrong. More than likely, the transplant will be successful. Your husband will probably live. If the success rate was only 5%, I might rethink my stance. I respect your position though and I love how your posts are always well thought out and informative. I just disagree in this situation I guess. To me, if I could save my husband then we can always try to have another child later on down the road if we wanted. I would rather live with my husband and my already living children, even if it meant never getting pregnant again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by april2 View Post
but you would be killing another person for this and like beckie said, there is only a chance he would survive to begin with. what if you had an abortion and gave your kidney to your DH and he still died,then you would have to suffer the loss of 2 deaths when one of them could have been prevented.
Some people do not think abortion is killing a person. I have no issues with abortion before 20 weeks. Of course there is a chance DH might not survive, but I would be looking at statistics. If there is an overwhelmingly good chance that he WILL live- then my decision would already be made.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarheadwed View Post
I would grieve more for him. I really would.
I agree again!
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  #18  
April 18th, 2009, 09:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by april2 View Post
but you would be killing another person for this and like beckie said, there is only a chance he would survive to begin with. what if you had an abortion and gave your kidney to your DH and he still died,then you would have to suffer the loss of 2 deaths when one of them could have been prevented.
Fetuses do not, and should not, have the same rights as an already born, independently functioning human being. See the immune system thread and how a fetus is just a semiallogenic graft.
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  #19  
April 18th, 2009, 09:45 AM
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What if the person who needed the transplant was your already living child and you were pregnant?
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  #20  
April 18th, 2009, 09:56 AM
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I'd like to point out that technically (I just called our transplat center lol) they would NOT have to perform an abortion in a case like this. They would proceed with the surgery with the risk that the woman would most likely miscarry due to the trauma of the surgery and the medications involved. They offer this specifically for these situations so a woman does NOT necessarily have to choose.


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I would make my decision based on what my husbands beliefs were before the sitation. If he was 100% prolife at any cost, then I would honor his wishes and choose him. If he was prochoice like me, then I would go ahead with the surgery, with out having the termination first, and leave it all up to my body to even out.
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