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Side debate to "your daughter pregnant"...


Abortion Debate

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  #1  
August 7th, 2006, 11:35 PM
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I've been reading through the "your daughter pregnant" debate, and also had a pretty indepth coversation with my husband about that exact dilemma tonight. We were pretty much at odds.

The question posed in the previous debate was, "What would YOU do if your daughter was pregnant at 13?".

But, what would happen if you and your husband (or S.O., or whoever the father was -genetically or otherwise-) were at odds with each other?

I saw a lot of moms posted that they would give their daughters a choice, and support them with whatever choice they made. That happens to be my POV.

My husband's was - ABORTION, not really a choice. I do not agree with him, but I must respect his opinion, as he respects mine. But it doesn't take away from the fact that we're at odds and should the situation come up (God forbid) we'd have a true problem on our hand, besides the fact that our 13 year old was pregnant.

What's the solution? One parent give in? How do you convince the other person otherwise?
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  #2  
August 7th, 2006, 11:43 PM
chlodoll
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I think it needs to be left up to the daughter. I dont think anyone should be forced to have an abortion or forced to keep the baby against their will. I dont really know how you would resolve the issue. Someone opinion might change when the situation actually arises.
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  #3  
August 8th, 2006, 01:09 AM
irishxrose
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I've sat here thinking about this question, and I truly don't know. At thirteen.... I don't think she'd be ready to handle a pregnancy or a baby, so I would much prefer to get her an abortion. My fiance feels the same way; so we really wouldn't have the problem of not agreeing. So... I don't know if we should leave it up to the daughter or not.

Okay, I need to think this over some more and see what some of the other girls say.
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  #4  
August 8th, 2006, 07:08 AM
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I think that the ultimate decision is up to ther person who is pregnant, and in this case it would be the 13 year old daughter. You can't MAKE her get an abortion. Not only does a parent/guardian have to give their signature, but so does the 13 year old (where I'm from). And from what I know, a nurse/doctor also talks with the patient (13 year old) and can probably get a vibe if the 13 year old is doing something out of their own will or if they are being forced into doing so. I think both of the parents need to respect the decision of the child, it is her body and she is the one that will be going through the proceedure. Take this senario into consideration. What if a parent, or both parents, forced the child into getting an abortion. The child did not want to go through with it, but her parents pushed her and made her. After the abortion, the child became severely depressed (which happens in a lot of cases where people have abortions, they regret the decision) and ends up commiting suicide. How are the parents going to feel about that? I think it would be in the best interest for everyone if the child made her decision and then the parents supported it (because they love her and are good parents).
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  #5  
August 8th, 2006, 07:35 AM
mrobinson
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Both parents need to be supportive of the girl's decision. IF they can't be supportive, they need counselling to learn how to accept the situation.

To the day I'm horrified that not only would my father kick me out, but that my (step)mom would support his decision on that.
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  #6  
August 8th, 2006, 07:36 AM
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Quote:
I think that the ultimate decision is up to ther person who is pregnant, and in this case it would be the 13 year old daughter . You can't MAKE her get an abortion. Not only does a parent/guardian have to give their signature, but so does the 13 year old (where I'm from). And from what I know, a nurse/doctor also talks with the patient (13 year old) and can probably get a vibe if the 13 year old is doing something out of their own will or if they are being forced into doing so. I think both of the parents need to respect the decision of the child, it is her body and she is the one that will be going through the proceedure. Take this senario into consideration. What if a parent, or both parents, forced the child into getting an abortion. The child did not want to go through with it, but her parents pushed her and made her. After the abortion, the child became severely depressed (which happens in a lot of cases where people have abortions, they regret the decision) and ends up commiting suicide. How are the parents going to feel about that? I think it would be in the best interest for everyone if the child made her decision and then the parents supported it (because they love her and are good parents).[/b]
Thank you!! Oh, and I agree
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  #7  
August 8th, 2006, 08:34 AM
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I think DH would kill the boy first

I'd think, we'd both try to be as supportive as possible of our daughter. Of course I can say, since we're not in the situation.
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  #8  
August 9th, 2006, 01:29 PM
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I had that talk with my SO and his first response was 'oh i'd tell her to get an abortion right away' but after talking it through, he came around to the idea that it's her choice in the end. I think it's harder for a guy to imagine the emotionnal pain that an abortion causes and thus imagine how hard that choice is to make. In my eyes it's so important that both parents be on the same page regarding those tough situations. So by exposing how I would feel about beeing told that i had to get an abortion, i made him understand that forcing someone to do something just wasn't an option. Our job as parents will be to love and support her no matter what.
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  #9  
August 9th, 2006, 01:32 PM
mrobinson
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I think it's awesome you and your DH talked about this.
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  #10  
August 9th, 2006, 06:02 PM
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I asked DH this question his reply, "I'd find the boy and kick his a**..." and then his mind went blank. He said his daughter wouldn't be pregnant, because no boy would touch her below this line [pointing to her waist]. He couldn't fantom a response, though besides kicking the boys butt [or at least wanting to].
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  #11  
August 11th, 2006, 09:53 PM
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Me and df talked about the what if with my dd and if it does happen we both will support her in away we can and the baby but df will not tell her to get rid of it he wouldn't even go there. I think the girl should also have a say if she is responsible enough to have sexs then she responsible to make up her mind on what she wants to do.
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  #12  
August 12th, 2006, 11:24 PM
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I think one of the biggest issues (for me) here would be HOW my thirteen year old got pregnant in the first place. I mean, I know HOW, but you know. At thirteen, I wasn't out of my mother's site except for at school. If I spent the night at a friend's house, I was checked up on and I didn't even get to GO to friend's houses unless my mother knew the parent(s) and approved. My daughter will not be going to houses where there are boys (if I can prevent it) at that age. I hope we would have a more trusting relationship than her having sex without talking to me about it. I was a young(er) mom and I think it's important to have an open line of communication about sex (as well as other things).

Last but not least, I would never force my child (or anyone) to have an abortion. Not only could she hate me for the rest of her life, but that is not MY choice to make. The pro-choice viewpoints (as far as I knew) is "her body, her choice". What makes this any different?
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  #13  
August 18th, 2006, 07:11 PM
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my ultimate answer is for me to adopt and raise my daughter's child. Then she still can help out and be around but focus on school and sports and college. hopefully 9 months of carrying a child and giving birth would teach her to respect the possible consequences of her actions. If she absolutely wanted to raise the baby herself I would let her try and if it got too hard I could still adopt the baby. If she TRULY felt abortion was the only way I would let her have one if she had researched it thoroughly. My daughter's dad is rarely around for her so I don't think I would even inform him until a decision had been reached. If my bf or husband had a problem with whatever my daughter and I chose it would be too bad for them. If they were her biological father I'd want their opinion but I've realized that since men do not experience the miracle of pregnancy and feeling a baby move they do not have the same concern for that little life and are more apt to regard abortion as a fix-all solution. If their opinion leaned towards abortion I'd have to overrule. The law says abortions can't be forced and I agree that I would not push my daughter to do something she would regret for the rest of her life. JMO.
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  #14  
August 19th, 2006, 11:28 PM
DiamondsGlow
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I have always said what my mom said. If your old enough to spread your legs and act like an adult you are old enough to accept the responsibility of what happens like pregnancy.

If I had a 13 year old get pregnant I would make them keep it. Where I live you can not have an abortion without your parents signiture.

I would give her the option of doing open adoption or me raising the child and thats about it..I just honestly could not look at my child knowing they had an abortion.
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  #15  
August 20th, 2006, 08:40 AM
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Quote:
I have always said what my mom said. If your old enough to spread your legs and act like an adult you are old enough to accept the responsibility of what happens like pregnancy.
If I had a 13 year old get pregnant I would make them keep it. Where I live you can not have an abortion without your parents signiture.

I would give her the option of doing open adoption or me raising the child and thats about it..I just honestly could not look at my child knowing they had an abortion.[/b]
Wow...thats a rather harsh way of looking at it Um, anyways, I think that a 13 year old child is not exactly capable of understanding the consequences of their actions. This is why if a 13 year old commits a serious crime, they are not sentenced to hard time in an adult prison, they are sent to juvinille hall, because we legally recognize that a child is just that-a child and should not be expected to have the same thought process as an adult. Lets say hypothetically your 13 year old daughter is having CONSENTUAL sex. Not being raped, not being taken advantage of by an older man (satchutory rape) because I would at least hope that under those circumstances you would have more compassion. Why is your 13 year old child having sex in the first place? I would be wondering that. I would be asking myself where I failed as a parent, what did I do wrong that made my baby go out there and have sex when she is still a child? I certainly wouldn't say "oh you are old enough to spread your legs, deal with the consequences!" That just seems...very cold.
And to anyone (in general) who says they would not be able to love their daughter if she had an abortion, maybe you should put YOUR kids up for adoption, because clearly you aren't cut out for being a parent
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  #17  
August 20th, 2006, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
I was really surprised at my SO's response...."Abortion, NO choice. SHE WOULD get an abortion...I would do EVERYTHING in my power to make it happen, and I wouldn't loose".....

That really gave me a sick stomach....and I don't even know how I could "persuade" him....I don't have a solution to this....

Oh yea, and I said, "Well, what happened if she didn't know or find out or come to us until she was like 4 or 5 months pregnant?"

He said "Well, do they allow abortions then? We'd be off to the clinic if they do."

Wow. [/b]
Wow...see, to me that is just as bad (if not worse) as forcing a child to keep a pregnancy she isn't ready for. The point is, your child should have a choice, and you should support your child in whatever choice she makes.

ETA-Just saw your edit Mommyof3...I wasn't implying that she wouldn't love her child, although the statement "I wouldn't be able to look at my child" raised an eybrow...but I know there are parents out there who say that (I've heard it said before ) and I think that they don't deserve to have children. I love my child unconditionally, and if she makes a choice that I disagree with morally, that doesn't mean I will love her any less, it just means that I have failed somewhere down the line as a parent.
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  #19  
August 20th, 2006, 12:46 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
SO's response...."Abortion, NO choice. SHE WOULD get an abortion...I would do EVERYTHING in my power to make it happen, and I wouldn't loose".....
Oh yea, and I said, "Well, what happened if she didn't know or find out or come to us until she was like 4 or 5 months pregnant?"
He said "Well, do they allow abortions then? We'd be off to the clinic if they do."[/b]

Quote:
Yea...no really, he said that if she were 8 months pregnant, and if it were legal, he would force her to have one. I'm not exaggerating. It really took me off-guard...I would have never thought that way about him.....[/b]


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