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Women who have recurrent miscarriages


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  #1  
August 20th, 2006, 01:03 AM
chlodoll
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Is it right for a woman to keep trying to concieve depsite having recurrent miscarriages? If a woman knows that most likely the baby will not survive should she keep becoming pregnant?
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  #4  
August 20th, 2006, 01:28 AM
chlodoll
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Quote:
I can't even seriously believe this is a question...I'm sorry...I don't mean to be rude...but that is just really...I dunno...a touchy subject and it seems quite insensitive..

I can see many many women on here being offended.... [/b]
I can see how someone could be offended but I did not say that anyone shouldnt keep TTC. I just posed the question.
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  #5  
August 20th, 2006, 01:37 AM
dreamspirals's Avatar Veteran
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If my mother hadn't tried to concieve after having recurrent miscarriages I wouldn't be alive and neither would my little brother. Many women who have suffered recurrent miscarriages go on to have healthy children.

*annoyed with myself* Geez I swore to myself I wouldn't even come into this board, but that question really bothered me.
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  #6  
August 20th, 2006, 08:12 AM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think its a valid question, and I had some thoughts to play devils advocate but couldnt word it right so I deleted it.

In any case, yes I think she should keep trying. Its extremely unfortunate that her body continues to abort her babies, but hopefully one will make it through. If I was suffering from reccurrent miscariages I think I would keep trying, but its hard to say because it would be such an emotional roller coaster, but I think you raised this question with something more in mind, care to share?
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  #7  
August 20th, 2006, 08:20 AM
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Of course she should be able to. And if this relates to a woman who has recurrent abortions (which I'm assuming it is seeing as it's in this forum) than I don't think the two can be compared. Someone who has recurrent miscarraiges clearly wants the children she is carrying whereas a woman who has repeated abortions does not.
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  #9  
August 20th, 2006, 08:34 AM
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I assume it is here because the question "if the fetus is a life, why TTC if the chances that life will die are present in larger than normal percentages" is implied...(or, at least, the idea of fetus being a life is involved in the debate)
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  #11  
August 20th, 2006, 08:43 AM
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Probably just as offensive as asking a prochoicer how they could also be against drinking in preganncy


In answer to the question (which was also my answer to the above mentioned thread), the two issues are not related. I don't think people TTC for the reason "to bring life to the world and have it live a long time." Sure, we all want those lives to be long and healthy, but I think the reasons for TTC are sooooo beyond this simple idea of "life" that the idea of TTCing transcends the question and risk of that life dying before old age.

No single reason forms the chocie to TTC, it can be a combination of life circumstances, psychological programming, a wish to leave ones mark in the world, preparedness to spread ones love to another being, bringing a little more love into the world...etcetc. So, because the focus of bringing a child into the world is not centered on that child living a long time (although this is desired), I do not think the choice can be swayed by recurrent miscarriage.

Every life, no matter how short, leaves its imprint on this world.
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  #13  
August 20th, 2006, 10:09 AM
MrsMandy
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I had an abortion at 14 when i was 15 weeks pregnant. I got married at 18 and we started ttc at 19. I'm now getting ready to turn 21 in october and my husband and i have lost 2 babies. Just because i have had technically 3 losses doesn't mean that i should stop trying. jmo though.
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  #14  
August 20th, 2006, 11:10 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I haven't been around much as of late...as I have been quite busy - but I figured this type of question is asking specifically for someone like me (with recurrent loss) to answer. First - I want to educate on a few matters...50% of ALL pg ends in mc...it is somehwere in 25% of KNOWN pg - but the actual stats accepted by MOST RE's (reproductive endocrinlogists...infertility/loss Dr's) is 50% of all pg/25% of known pgs..(known meaning after confirmation)...anyway - my point is this - MOST woman have at least 1 mc in their lifetime whether or not they know it...many have 2 or more...and usually they are unaware - it happens when af is late & they don't test for a few days & then she shows up & no one wonders what happened - just a "late cycle". So to think that there is one group that could be singled out to say they shouldn't try on the basis of mc would be to eliminate most women if they truly charted every month, tested everytime af was a day late & kept better track of their cycles. If we were to say that you could only TTC if you had a better than 50%chance at having implantation be successful - we should ALL quit. Secondly....it is not MY body that aborts these babies. In MANY cases of recurrent loss - it isn't a problem with the woman's body or system at all. My husband has a chromosomal abnormality. Were I to become pregnant by anyone else, I would have no greater risk than any other woman to mc. But unfortunately for us, that isn't what we are looking at here - we want a family together. I do run a higher than average risk to mc when pg by Dh...but I also have a very good chance at being able to carry to term. I have been told my chances are 60% with each pg that it will be full-term. Now that I have had a good u/s my chances are 82%. And I have had people make comments, about how we should consider adoption, etc..and of course we have thought of those things...but it isn't as easy as everyone wants to make it sound (time, money, etc)...and it isn't what we are able to do at this time.

As far as being offensive & I suppose previous comparisons of other things (such as some comment on drinking)..and are they as insensitive as XYZ comments? I don't think it even matters. If you are okay with bringing up insensitive topics about women that have suffered greatly - it's a free country. Personally & I don't see how it applies to anything here. I also fail to see any way it can be contorted to apply. There (IMO) is no real comparison to a pg (that is deeply wanted) ending through no fault or action of one's own & choosing to end a pg that isn't wanted. No matter how you slice it - it isn't the same. That isn't to say that I believe women who have abortions don't also have their own kind of pain - but undoubtably is is NOT the same issue. I don't think I know everything there is to know about being a woman that chooses an abortion & in the same way no one should assume to know what it feels like to have wanted babies die inside of you. It goes well beyond my ability to articulate such things.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #15  
August 20th, 2006, 12:53 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Is it right for a woman to keep trying to concieve depsite having recurrent miscarriages? If a woman knows that most likely the baby will not survive should she keep becoming pregnant?[/b]
Her body, her choice.
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  #17  
August 20th, 2006, 02:24 PM
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<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(beck12 @ Aug 20 2006, 02:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>I haven't been around much as of late...as I have been quite busy - but I figured this type of question is asking specifically for someone like me (with recurrent loss) to answer. First - I want to educate on a few matters...50% of ALL pg ends in mc...it is somehwere in 25% of KNOWN pg - but the actual stats accepted by MOST RE's (reproductive endocrinlogists...infertility/loss Dr's) is 50% of all pg/25% of known pgs..(known meaning after confirmation)...anyway - my point is this - MOST woman have at least 1 mc in their lifetime whether or not they know it...many have 2 or more...and usually they are unaware - it happens when af is late & they don't test for a few days & then she shows up & no one wonders what happened - just a "late cycle". So to think that there is one group that could be singled out to say they shouldn't try on the basis of mc would be to eliminate most women if they truly charted every month, tested everytime af was a day late & kept better track of their cycles. If we were to say that you could only TTC if you had a better than 50%chance at having implantation be successful - we should ALL quit. Secondly....it is not MY body that aborts these babies. In MANY cases of recurrent loss - it isn't a problem with the woman's body or system at all. My husband has a chromosomal abnormality. Were I to become pregnant by anyone else, I would have no greater risk than any other woman to mc. But unfortunately for us, that isn't what we are looking at here - we want a family together. I do run a higher than average risk to mc when pg by Dh...but I also have a very good chance at being able to carry to term. I have been told my chances are 60% with each pg that it will be full-term. Now that I have had a good u/s my chances are 82%. And I have had people make comments, about how we should consider adoption, etc..and of course we have thought of those things...but it isn't as easy as everyone wants to make it sound (time, money, etc)...and it isn't what we are able to do at this time.

As far as being offensive & I suppose previous comparisons of other things (such as some comment on drinking)..and are they as insensitive as XYZ comments? I don't think it even matters. If you are okay with bringing up insensitive topics about women that have suffered greatly - it's a free country. Personally & I don't see how it applies to anything here. I also fail to see any way it can be contorted to apply. There (IMO) is no real comparison to a pg (that is deeply wanted) ending through no fault or action of one's own & choosing to end a pg that isn't wanted. No matter how you slice it - it isn't the same. That isn't to say that I believe women who have abortions don't also have their own kind of pain - but undoubtably is is NOT the same issue. I don't think I know everything there is to know about being a woman that chooses an abortion & in the same way no one should assume to know what it feels like to have wanted babies die inside of you. It goes well beyond my ability to articulate such things.[/b][/quote]


Very well said...and congratulations on your pregnancy!
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  #18  
August 20th, 2006, 08:29 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
congratulations on your pregnancy! [/b]
Thanks hun!
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #20  
August 24th, 2006, 07:31 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I think its a very valid question, and have thought about posing it before, but never actually went through witht it.
I believe in the right to choose, if thats what a woman wants to do then who am I to tell her not to. What I don't get is why she would want to. Why would someone continuously put themself through so much pain and dissapointment. if it were me I think I would eventually give up, and seek other options[/b]
Did you read my post? I talked of other options. Many people have butted their nose in & told me what "they would do"...problem is with any of this - you can't always know what you would do until you are the one facing it... Should you go on to develop recurring mc...then I hope you are happy with your other options. (And just so you know - recurrent mc can develop as an issue at any time - having no children, having one or more children already...no one is immune from it). "Other options" as you put it, aren't necessarily any easier than this is... My sis (who does not have recurrent loss - but a botched C-section) had an adoption that fell through & it crushed her. She then went on adopt through foster care & that dragged on forever & several times looked as though they would take my niece back because my sis was improperly not informed that parental rights hadn't yet been severed. If I were to look into things that would help me in pg - my ONLY option is IVF with pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. If someone out there can afford that & then also afford to raise that baby - great for them - it's not us. I don't know about you , but I don't have an extra $20,000 for each attempt to get pg....in fact, last I knew - my mc's were basically free since I needed to medical intervention & as hard as they are emotionally/ohysically - I can at least attempt to build a family in some way I can afford. Please do not think I "put myself through this"....that is honestly awfully simplistic. I am making a family with my Dh - in the only way feasible for us at this time. And although I am not sorry to be pg now - I was waiting for now - to give myself some time & sometimes things just happen. The last thing ANYONE needs who is facing such a thing is anyone who has never experienced it supposing they would know what it feels like or that it is a self inflicted pain.

I realize you feel it may be a reasonable or viable question... I would like you to explain to me how it compares to abortion & in what way. That is my issue. How do you see it similar to abortion when a woman becomes pregnant, wants to carry a baby to term & give birth? If you can explain that in a way that makes sense - I may give it some credence - but I failed to see that in any post here. Are we comparing my mc's with women who have numerous abortions for birth control? What exactly ARE we comparing here that makes it so valid?
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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