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Why do women who see abortion as a hard choice


Abortion Debate

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  #2  
August 25th, 2006, 11:26 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Why go thru with it, if you personally think it is wrong, or see it as something that is hard for you? What aspect of an abortion makes it hard for you? What is making it hard for you, and why put yourself thru it?[/b]
For me, it's the potentional life that would be lost.. I think I would have to have personal peace about it prior to having an abortion so that way I would know it was the right choice for me... Life and beliefs change with time and I recognize that.. I would have to learn to forgo guilt and have peace with the idea I made the best decision I could at the time. That would take support and re-evaluation on a constant baises.. having peace can be changed in an instant so those resources should always be there.
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  #4  
August 25th, 2006, 12:17 PM
mrobinson
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How can you find peace with it, if you struggled with it decision before? (I know people change their minds all the time...but is this the same thing as CHANGING your mind on an issue?)....[/b]
I think there is always a goal of perfection.. The reason why a person has to struggle with the decision at all is because they have to make up their true feelings on it.. I think of examples.. No man can really understand what it's like to be pregnant and likely wouldn't consider it until they were asked or see it first hand.. A female who has never been pregnant can't fully appreicate what a pregnancy does to a body until they've gone through it.. Etc. etc.. In theory we all have ideas of what things should be from taxes, to marriage to relationships to life.. Everyone has to think about something.

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What actions would you take to make peace with it?[/b]
I accept I'm not perfect. This concept matters for your question. Lots of people try to be perfect. I tried for years. I had a break down. (Egolessness, stress management, self-centredness, etc.) Lots of people don't accept they're not perfect. They never are humbled. Learning this skill helps you see your flaws, your decision-making and your ablitity to accept responsiblity ~ positively and negativly.. How this related to abortion is with the concept, of everyone is not perfect. Everyone makes decisions they thought were best for the moment. They likely thought of the future but we can't see everything. (Hence why at a later stage in life we have past-regrets.) Sooner or later have to acknowledge our regrets, analize why and move forward. If we don't we live in guilt. If I had an abortion at say 17, I would know it was because my choices were get kicked out of the house pregnant or abort it. As you grow, like say when you have babies, I might feel regret and have to mourn that loss again.. The peace would have to come down with knowing what lack of tools, resources and opportunities I had at the time. You can't change it, but you can learn from it and move on. Maybe then I would have different goals for me kids. (Which I do, BTW.)

Quote:
Are you saying that your views would change AFTER making peace with it?[/b]
The cycle of loss demands it. Mourning and fully moving on with anything is something humans don't do. A person re-evaulates at a later time. Having peace with that loss needs to be in memory.. say like a friend who died.. or a parent.. Everytime something new in your life happens, like a new child, one will likely be reminded of the past loss.. it's just the way the human brain works.. There needs to a process of understand where the individual is aware it's ok to move on without forgetting.. That can be achieved.

Quote:
So that you may no longer see it as a potential life? Is that how you would make peace with it/cope with it?[/b]
Oh... I will always see things as potentinal life. I just nature's laws are out of my hands. I know that nature decides some babies aren't meant to be here. the history of people has shown women trying to abort since the beginning. (I know it's not in the Bible but it still happened.) There is a reason for it.

As well, there is a reason of why some people can't have babies and why some are gay. It's a law of nature.. I think (but I'm not sure) it was Darwin? Either way the theory is that of natural selection...

Not all creatures of the earth are intended to be here. I respect a pregnant female human understands it best.

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Is coping with something and making peace with something two entirely different things?[/b]
yes.

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LOL, does this even make sense?[/b]
I don't think my answers will to all!

Ladies.. I have been really having lots of fun.. I have to work now.. If you see me here, kick my butt off. (Unless it's past 5pm.)
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  #8  
August 25th, 2006, 01:34 PM
mrobinson
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What I DON'T understand, is why someone thinks it is a hard choice? What about it makes it hard? Why still go thru with it? What risks outweigh the benefits, (again, assuming it is not a rash decision, but a WELL-THOUGHTOUT decision; as in, having a decision made, before the actual situation occurs for example)....[/b]
Honestly, I know it's hard for lots of others because of their strict value systems. Their inability to seperate guilt, regret, past, present and future.. (BTW, did anything I say before in my previous post make sense?)
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  #9  
August 25th, 2006, 01:47 PM
lea27's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
What I DON'T understand, is why someone thinks it is a hard choice? What about it makes it hard? Why still go thru with it? What risks outweigh the benefits, (again, assuming it is not a rash decision, but a WELL-THOUGHTOUT decision; as in, having a decision made, before the actual situation occurs for example)....[/b]
Because it IS a hard choice for someone to make. However it may be the easier choice when the only alternative choices are much harder. (having a child you don't want, adoption)
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  #11  
August 25th, 2006, 07:16 PM
irishxrose
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Well, since what I said influenced this topic, I better reply.

Abortion is always a hard decision. For me personally, I KNOW it's hard, but I also know that I don't want to see myself and my family living on the streets because another baby would put that big of a stress on our finances. No baby deserves that. It's hard for me because it's my child that I'd have to abort... and I'd always have that pain and guilt. But I know it's not the right time... and I know my Goddess and God will forgive me. Because of that, I know that I could go through with it.
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  #14  
August 26th, 2006, 03:04 PM
irishxrose
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Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
Honestly, I know it's hard for lots of others because of their strict value systems. Their inability to seperate guilt, regret, past, present and future.. (BTW, did anything I say before in my previous post make sense?)[/b]

Yep, as I just am beginning to read thru all the posts in your topic and what you were getting at, I think this one has alot of similarities...I think that is what I am trying to get at....And knowing this, I think I understand maybe a little bit better....

****EVERYONE**** Please know that I am not judging anyone...I simply want to try to UNDERSTAND better....kwim? I think Michelle's topic is getting at what I was thinking....I want to know WHY it is hard for someone personally, besides the obivous "surface factors", if you will....


Quote:
There is the stigma of abortion, as well as the stigma of a single/ teen parent (if that is the situation)[/b]
I understand that the stigma that society lays upon the individual can make someone's decision harder...That's a great thing to point out....Sometimes you forget about that

...Again though, I just want to reiterate that it's not that I am condemning anyone, I just want to understand better; to relate better...And I think even before this, I was able to relate to women who've gone through with abortions...I just want to relate BETTER...kwim?....I want to know WHY in their heart, they think it is wrong...if wrong at all....and why it is therefore hard....But I am content with the answers given.


Quote:
It's hard for me because it's my child that I'd have to abort... and I'd always have that pain and guilt. But I know it's not the right time... and I know my Goddess and God will forgive me. Because of that, I know that I could go through with it.[/b]
I think that this statement is as close to my answer that I will be able to get...Since you know that God (Goddess), will forgive you, that's what gives you the strength to do it, right? (And I don't disagree that He/She wouldn't)....It just confused me at first, because like, like for example, you do consider it your child that you are aborting...not just potential life? (Correct me if I am wrong, I am just going by what you said; maybe you were just using the terms "child" indiscriminately)....That's what was hanging me up...LOL, I think this post is alot like the "Prochoice and Drinking While Pregnant" arguement too!! I am going back to refresh my memory....Things like this need to be pounded and pounded into my head before I can actually digest it all....



Thanks everyone! (And you Andrika!!!! ).
[/b][/quote]

For me, personally, I believe that it's my child from the very beginning, a baby; not just a potential life. But I understand when others say what they do about it just being a potential life, and not a baby. It's their right to choose how they view that little being inside them, and I'm not going to take that away from them. And yes, since I know that my God and Goddess will forgive me, it will give me the strength to go through with it, if it ever happens; and I hope that I will never have to go through with it. Hence why I'm on birth control and we're using condoms. We're taking extra precautions!

I am SO glad you're actively trying to understand this. And I know what you mean about things needing to be pounded again and again in your head lol!
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  #15  
August 27th, 2006, 05:06 AM
Liz Liz is offline
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Because while the choice to abort may be a hard one, and even a sad one, the reality of having an unwanted child for some may be even harder!

I have known a few women who made the choice to abort. None of them went into the decision lightly. It was a difficult choice for all but they did what they felt they had to do at that point in their lives.

No one said abortion is sweet and sugar coated. But sometimes in a life of vinegar it's less acidic.
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  #16  
August 27th, 2006, 05:27 PM
mrobinson
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Because while the choice to abort may be a hard one, and even a sad one, the reality of having an unwanted child for some may be even harder!

I have known a few women who made the choice to abort. None of them went into the decision lightly. It was a difficult choice for all but they did what they felt they had to do at that point in their lives.

No one said abortion is sweet and sugar coated. But sometimes in a life of vinegar it's less acidic.[/b]
Exactly and it's not like every pregnancy is either.
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  #17  
August 27th, 2006, 05:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
What makes it hard?[/b]
Everytime you make a choice, you are deciding against something and against every other choice that would have come with choosing something different originally. For example, if you are faced with choosing between college A and college B and you decide on A, you have effectively nullified everything that would have come with choosing college B.

The very fact that one would educate themselves on the everything to do with their choice makes them aware of the things they are giving up to make that choice. Although I chose college A, I knew so much about college B that I felt a little sad in giving all that up.

So, in my opinion, when someone chooses to have an abortion, they have already thought about pregnancy, birth, babies, diapers, smiles, cooing, whatever...

To terminate that pregnancy is to terminate all of those things and all the possible choices and events that would have come after.

To me, that is what makes it hard. (this is to say nothing of guilt, pressure, etc)
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  #18  
August 29th, 2006, 10:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Why go thru with it, if you personally think it is wrong, or see it as something that is hard for you? What aspect of an abortion makes it hard for you? What is making it hard for you, and why put yourself thru it?[/b]
Okay.... deep breath.... Please no one judge me for what I'm about to say..... I haven't answered this yet due to the closnes to me.... AS everyone knows I'm 100% pro-choice.
Why would I go trow it if it's hard?
1. for my family. Even though cost is not an issue. I couldn't put my family throw another year in a half of taking care of me. I can't let my husband question for nine months if he'll be a single parent. I don't want my son to see me sick all the time or worse. I can't have my husband no be able to leave me alone. Let alone us dealling with it unplaned. I can't predict if I would be able to stay AND that's if I live throw the birth.
2. For myself. I am not a very healthy pregnant indivigual. Being physically ill as well as sanity wise. I am likly to vanish or be in the obituaries and I need constent supervition, That's with a Planned pregnancy an unplanned has so much more complications. I have a fear of infants as odd as that sounds.
3. For the child. I know I would show resentment as awful as that sounds and I don't feel I could be a good parent to another child. I would alway compare them to my first. If I ended up abanidoning them (meaning my husband, son and child) he would hold it aganst the child or worse if I didn't survive.

What made it hard for me... Knowing I never have another, family and friends pregnant, pro-testers, not feeling like a good person because of my own faults, My husband wanting another child.

Why put myself thru it? to presive my family and my life

I know it's really hard to read this and not feel I'm a horrible or weak person but I'm not. I feel bad that I convay myself like that but you asked. It's hard because these are thing not verry many will talk open about. I would never say any of this If you knew me in person. Unless you knew particularly well. Everyone has faults and I just am willing to voice mine.
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