Log In Sign Up

Your daughter scenerios


Abortion Debate

This forum is for Abortion debate only. If you are highly sensitive about this topic, read at your own discretion.

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Abortion Debate LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 21st, 2007, 07:09 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
Ok, for the rest of this post you a another daughter. This daughter is not one of your current daughters (so we don't make this too personal).

FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)

FOR PROLIFERS:

1) You ten year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to abort the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)


Feel free to add more questions, just let us know who they are aimed at.

I have another: change the ages to 15-17 and answer again.
__________________
taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 21st, 2007, 07:14 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

I will let her make the decision, even though I know I will be the one caring for the child. I will push her to continue her education and we will find a way to make it work. I would prefer for her to have an abortion, but it is her body, and she must make the decision.

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

My answer is still the same.

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)

I would be angry that she didn't tell me. I could have taken her myself... I wish to avoid this with my children. I want them to be able to tell me everything. But we would move on with our lives. I would get her counselling if she felt she needed it, and I also would start her on BCP and have a bowl of condoms in the house if she feels she wants to continue having sex.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 21st, 2007, 07:20 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
I see question 2 for choicers really doesn't make sense since a 12 yr old would probably not have the money to take care of a child unless they had some sort of trust or inheritance. So maybe apply that, if it matter to you, to an older aged child (at least above the working age- I think thats 15 or 16 around here).

Ok I got another one


for prolifers:

Your daughter is too young to be on her own or hold a job. She is pregnant and wants to keep the child but money in the house is already stretched thin. What do you do?
__________________
taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 21st, 2007, 07:21 AM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,210
FOR PROLIFERS:

1) You ten year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to abort the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

I would do my best to talk her out of it and we would go see a counselor. (Can parents get into trouble if their 12 year old turns up pregnant?! YIKES!!) I plan on being very open with my kids and they will know that abortion is not the answer. I would be as supportive as possible and would let my daughter know that her father and I would help her raise the child. Bottom line... NO abortion! I would even support her decision to give the baby up for adoption, although, I can't imagine giving up a grandbaby...

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

No change in my answer.

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)

FREAK!!! I would be very upset if my 10-12 year old daughter had an abortion. First of all, why she felt she couldn't communicate with my on her pregnancy would tear me up. I think I would seriously have to do some parental "soul-searching". My 10-12 year old will never BE in a situation where they could get pregnant.
__________________


Proud Mommy to Jackson (5/1/03) & Isabella (6/16/06)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 21st, 2007, 07:22 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
I got these questions from a newspaper article: "More Preteens Having Sex"



But also you can change the ages to 15-17 and reanswer if your answers would change.
__________________
taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 21st, 2007, 07:31 AM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,210
I guess the only thing that would change (if she was 15-17) would be that I would really encourage her to keep the baby rather than give it up for adoption.
__________________


Proud Mommy to Jackson (5/1/03) & Isabella (6/16/06)
Reply With Quote
  #7  
February 21st, 2007, 07:40 AM
donomama
Guest
Posts: n/a
I feel the same as Jodi, but I would definitely encourage my daughter to consider adoption as an option. I think it's usually in the best interest of the child. I don't think a 12 year old is ready to parent a child.



Sara - by "some means" do you mean consentual sex, or something else?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
February 21st, 2007, 07:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
With that I just mean fill in the blank (and if it not being consentual changes your opinion, then write about that, too). So, if consentual sex with a boyfriend and unconsenual sex make you think differently on the issue, then you can say if you want. I didn't want to limit it (some people even think a lot of consentual sex between preteens is not consentual at all according to this article, but I guess that's another can of worms!)

edited becuase it came out in spanglish
__________________
taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
Reply With Quote
  #9  
February 21st, 2007, 08:01 AM
*Firefly*'s Avatar Girlfriend and Blogger
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 24,398
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

If she wants to keep the child then I would explain the option of adoption and the option of keeping the baby herself and let her choose. I would encourage her to keep on with her education etc.
If it was rape she fell pregnant from I would probably heavily enforce the adoption idea.

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."
Same answer

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)

I'd freak! I would take her myself if she told me! I wouldn't want her to go through something like that alone - IMO the damage is already done when shes had sex so now it is my job to see her through it and explain everything to her and possibly see about birthcontrol.
__________________
Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
Now I believe in grace and choice,
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But I’ll be born without a mask
~ Babel, Mumford & Sons



Reply With Quote
  #11  
February 21st, 2007, 09:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hudson, FL
Posts: 1,696
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)
We will discuss it, and I will support my daughter's decision in any regards.

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."
Once again, I will support my daughter's decision after a long discussion (or three) and do my best to help her make the tough decisions, finish her education, and acquire gainful employment when she reaches an employable age.

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)
I'd be disappointed that she didn't tell me, but disappointed in myself for not making it clear than she can come to me with ANYTHING. I would have to absolve that responsibility onto my own actions (or lack of) that made her feel she would have to hide it from me.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
  #13  
February 23rd, 2007, 09:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,657
Quote:
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)[/b]
I would get her the best doctor possable. I would ask her to get a paper route. I would encouge her to take parenting classes and look into on-line school or home school so she could spend time with her child.

Quote:
2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."[/b]
nope

Quote:
3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)[/b]
Have a long conversation about why she didn't feel she could tell me. Depending on how it happend we'd have to have a long conversation about birthcontrol and family planning

If they where older I'd soupport their desition more
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #14  
February 24th, 2007, 07:04 AM
babyreaves's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, U.S.A.
Posts: 575
If my daughter got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, I could NEVER consider adoption, because that baby would be part of my family and I would never give up my family member to someone else....I would probably end up taking care of the baby while my daughter finished school but I sure as hell would be getting child support from the dad of the baby or the dad's parents, and when my kid was old enough to get a job, she would definitly be handing her pay checks over to me.

I just hope my daughter is close enough and trusts me enough to know she can come to me with her problems no matter what!
__________________
<a href="http://lilypie.com" target="_blank">
Reply With Quote
  #15  
February 24th, 2007, 07:52 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
FOR PROLIFERS
1) You ten year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to abort the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

If the sex were "consensual" no question I would not even consider abortion unless there were some weird thing with her health that made it evident that she would not be physically able to carry full term. Chances are thought that a 10 yr old that has AF is more developed than I was at 10 yrs old. It is even hard for me to imagine this as LITERALLY I was under 4 ft tall at 10 & under 60lbs, so that may be clouding my thinking of how this happens. IN a case where her life is at take (literally I mean - breathing, walking around, being ALIVE) I would consider it reasonable to look at abortion. I would encourage her to consider adoption or open adoption either with myself or another family member. At 10 - she is not really ready to be a mom in any way - no matter how mature she may be for her age or how mature she may see herself. If she weer a bit older - obviously we would discuss keeping the baby more - as she would be more able to wrap her brain around what that may mean. Heck I have a sister 10 yrs older than me & I would NOT have wanted her to be my "mommy" growing up - she had a hard enough time as it is & she was 24 with her first.

As far as rape - I think I would have her assessed by a counselor & talk to the counselor, etc - and try my best to be open - but I can't really answer that because my gut still says no - but I have never been in this scenario - as I don't even have a baby at home to look after yet - so I don't know what it would be like to have my daughter come to me with this.


2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

Makes no difference to me - even if we were broke. I would do whatever was necessary to provide for an additional person - and I really don't think it would be as much of a problem as people think. There are ways to make it work. I grew up with little money around & don't have any issue with it. The things that were "hard" in my childhood have NOTHING to do with money.

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)

Cry - a LOT. I would be greatly saddened that she chose that & we would have along talk about it. I think too - at that age I would be looking to literally sue someone as that is NOT an age of consent here & someone else has no right to advise or treat my child for ANYTHING without consulting me first. If she were older - there are ways around me & I understand that legally - so that would be different I guess. I wouldn't scream or yell or condemn - but we would certainly be having a longgggg talk.

In every scenario I would REQUIRE she still go to school & college if she wanted my help. I would be happy to help in any way - but she needs to be able to support herself eventually.

The whole concept makes me very very sad. I will talk to my kids about sex & often & early - and I hope it will have the same effect on them it had on me - waiting.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #16  
February 25th, 2007, 06:51 PM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)[/b]
My biggest concern would be her mental well being. What if it was a rape? Most girls of rape feel shame, guilt and feel it was somehow their fault. Would her feelings of keeping the baby be assiocated with some of those emotions? Because I don't want to force out any answer that might further her pain, I would start by contacting a non-judgemental organization to help her through this time, help educate her, and help her any decision. I really would be the shoulder to cry on, and help her support any decision she made. I would drive her to any type of support I could. I would go to the boy's house, or his parents if she wanted.. Whatever I could. Honestly, rape or not, I would feel like I failed my daughter. I would have hoped to help her make decisions that would help her avoid this. So many situations can't or ever be avoided, but then I would still feel that way because I wasn't able to protect my daughter better (or arm her with more knowledge.) I would feel we as a family would need therapy to make sure we were a strong famliy unit. (Maybe us not being stronger in the first place is why this happened?)

1) No matter what, if through education, help and time, if she wanted to keep the baby, I would help her in anyway. If she would want to stay with me, I would let her and help in any way she wanted.

2) If she had the money to do it, I would support her emotionally or in anyway she wanted. If she didn't have money, I would help her out.

3) I would want to know her mind set about abortion. I would guess she wouldn't tell me because of a break down in our family. If that was the case, I would feel like a failure. On the other hand, she may have felt very comfortable with the decision from the start. I would tell her I support her decision.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
February 26th, 2007, 10:49 AM
Willowkarr's Avatar Coupon Blogger
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gloversville, NY
Posts: 2,995
1) Your ten-twelve year old daughter gets pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)
Pregnant by own choice (had sex, not intending to get pregnant): I would explain that I was disapointed in her decision to have sex at such a young age, I would tell her that any decision she made is her choice, and I can not tell her what to do, since she has made the decision to become an adult. I would support her in any decision she made, even if I didn't agree with it.
Becoming pregnant by rape: I have been in this situation, it is a tough one! I still say I don't agree with abortion, and killing because you were raped isn't a good thing. I had a miscarriage, so I couldn't tell you how it would feel to look at that baby daily, but I would make sure my daughter knew all her options.


2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."
Honestly, I don't see how having the money or not having the money to do it (what 10-12 yr old has the money to raise a child?) would change anything I said above.

3) Your 10-12 year old daughter gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)
Again, this would be her choice, and I would support her choice, even though I do not like the idea of abortion. At this point in her life, I am sure she would know that I don't agree with abortion, so I would hope she wouldn't take this route, but again, her decision, and she would have to live with the fact that she has killed her child.

DH and I have talked of this many times and we both agree. We also have boys though, why is this thread only for the girls? What would you do if your son got his girlfriend pregnant? We have decided that if this happens, we will want to speak with his girlfriend, see what she has to say, speak with her parents (but ONLY after talking with her), we would even take his girlfriend in if her parents kicked her out and refused to support her decision. Obviously they would have different bedrooms, but we would take her in none-the-less. That is our grandchild, whether it was our daughter that was pregnant or our son that fathered a baby. We would want contact with our son's child even if he did not and our son WOULD be getting a job and paying child support, no questions asked. I would even start the court papers for that, I believe ALL children should have child support, even if the father is in their life. Obviously married couples and couples living together wouldn't get that in the court system, but it would still happen. My children...male or female...will make their own decisions, all I can do is support them and try to guide them as they grow.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
February 26th, 2007, 10:51 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
Like I said, feel free to add more questions! Ones about boys are allowed, too.
__________________
taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
Reply With Quote
  #19  
February 26th, 2007, 11:11 AM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
FOR PROCHOICERS:

1) Your ten-twelve year old boy get his girlfriend pregnant via some means; she wants to keep the child. What do you do? (if the means by which this happened makes your answer different, please say)

2) Same as number one, but answer it in the light of "she has the money to do it herself" or "she does not have the money to do it herself."

3) Your 10-12 year old boy's g/f gets pregnant and gets an abortion without telling you. what do you do? (you have found out one way or another)[/b]
This is slightly different to answer for me to this should be fun!

1) I would also want his mental health to be stable and support him in anyway I could. I would seek family counselling to help us all deal with the new baby. Our boundaried would be very different than if the baby was in our home so I would hope we could approach her family and work together in anyway we could.

2) We have to respect her boundaries on what she wants to do. I would support my son in anyway ~ if that meant with money, so be it.

3) I would want to be supportive to him. We would probably have some family counselling to see how he is feeling. Did he not communciate with us about it, why? Did he not know till after? How does he feel about it? We'd move on his feelings about it.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
March 5th, 2007, 05:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
I don't have a boy, so I can only answer from the daughter perpective.

I think of myself as inbetween. I can't say I agree with abortion, but can't support it being illegal.

So on with the post questions:

If she became pregnant at 10-12 the first thing I would do is seek couseling, because choice, rape, or other "means" any choice is going to be extremely difficult decision. At 15-17, at least she'd be a bit older, and more able to understand what keep a baby, etc would entitle. I don't think money or no money has anything to do with it. If she's determined to have an abortion she will, and I'd rather he have a safe one then an unsafe one and recieve proper before and after care including couseling. If she had an abortion behind my back, I would feel like I failed as a mother. I hope mydaughter can talk to me [or DH] about anything, and wont be afraid of our reactions, etc. I know it probably isn't an indication of her relationship with us, but, I hope that she feels like she could talk to us, even if she has already made the decision, that way I could be have the chance to be there for her.

If I had a boy, I would probably feel the same way. I would probably seek to speak with the g/f's parents, and attend some sort of joint family counseling or something. [Assuming the pregnancy was a result of consentual sex]. I guess I wouldn't feel like I had as much of a say in the situation, but I know the son would be going through smilar feelings, and would hope that we could get all the help and support possible. As whatever decision is made both of the kids would have to deal with it forever.
__________________
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:52 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0