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One night stand abortions


Abortion Debate

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  #1  
May 31st, 2007, 12:05 PM
Ms.Michelle
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If I was already looking for love in all the wrong places, I would be the last person who could raise a child and commit 10 months to being pregnant and taking care of myself for that long. I'm obviously already in big trouble and not taking care of myself if I'm in that position to start with. (It's pretty easy to go back to bad habits when already vulerable.) While I admire people who think they can do it, I couldn't. I came from an unstable family and I wouldn't do that either to a new child. Adoption is an option but again, if I'm already not looking after myself, how much damage would I do to a fetus in 10 months? Lots.[/b]
I agree with you on this. I would probably abort as well, but I played along for the sake of debate. I don't, however, agree with aborting without telling the father. Either way, he has a right to know.
[/b]
Not me. He doesn't need the guilt, burden, shame and can't carry it or have to be primary caregiver like I do.
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  #2  
May 31st, 2007, 12:27 PM
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Hmm, in theory, I beleive that the father has a right to know if you are pregnant and going to abort, BUT

I just don't see the point in telling him if you're dead-set on having an abortion....Unless you are willing to let him change your mind and/or if he says he wants the child you are going to go through 9/10 months of pregnancy and then allow him to adopt the child etc.

Otherwise, I can't see the point in telling a man "I'm pregnant with your child, but I'm going to abort it, aren't you glad for that tidbit of information that you have no control over?"
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  #3  
May 31st, 2007, 12:32 PM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It breaks my heart to read the OP. A very good male friend lost a child due to this sort of things. It wasn't a one night stand, but he had only been with the woman for a few months. She had an abortion, even after they had purchased baby items, told all of the family, and the grandparents had already started buying things as well. She had an abortion without telling him. I will NEVER in a MILLION years forget him crying and sobbing over what this woman had taken away from him.

Telling the person with whom you had the one night stand with is absolutely necessary. Anything less would be selfish and self-centered.

Flame away!

I also wanted to add that I am in support of abortion only when the mother's life is at risk. Therefore, in a one night stand type of situation, the woman should carry the child. Therefore, telling the biological father would give him the option of raising the child if he chose to do so.
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  #4  
May 31st, 2007, 12:33 PM
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I feel that because the father has a biological connection to the fetus, he has a right to know, even if the mother's decision is set in stone. It is his flesh-and-blood too. Do I believe he has a right to tell the mother what to do with her body? No. I know that sounds a bit wonky but ultimately, it is her body that would be burdened (for lack of a better word) by carrying the fetus to term. But I still feel he has a right to that knowledge, just as I believe the father should know if the mother were to carry the pregnancy to term, and be given the option of being in the child's life or relinquishing parental rights.
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  #5  
May 31st, 2007, 12:35 PM
Ms.Michelle
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It breaks my heart to read the OP. A very good male friend lost a child due to this sort of things. It wasn't a one night stand, but he had only been with the woman for a few months. She had an abortion, even after they had purchased baby items, told all of the family, and the grandparents had already started buying things as well. She had an abortion without telling him. I will NEVER in a MILLION years forget him crying and sobbing over what this woman had taken away from him.

Telling the person with whom you had the one night stand with is absolutely necessary. Anything less would be selfish and self-centered.

Flame away!

I also wanted to add that I am in support of abortion only when the mother's life is at risk. Therefore, in a one night stand type of situation, the woman should carry the child. Therefore, telling the biological father would give him the option of raising the child if he chose to do so.[/b]
Huge difference in your situation compared to a one-night stand. For one, you know them. In one night stands, you don't. Not too mention, it doesn't take much to be out of contact with someone after having sex. (Wrong numbers exchanged, etc.)
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  #6  
May 31st, 2007, 12:50 PM
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You are right. There is a big difference between the hypothetical and my friend's story.

Regarding the hypothetical...

Since I am not in support of abortion in a situation like that, it is really hard for me to say either way. Obviously, she is going to have an abortion either way. I am really torn on this.. for once. The best I can come up with is that even thought it was a one night stand, I think she should still tell him. Maybe he is a financially stable guy who would support her and would help her through 10 months of pregnancy. Of course, he could be the total opposite, but maybe he would change her mind about having an abortion. Then he could care for the child. I know there could be a million variations to the story, but you never know.

I know that if my Dh had a one night stand (before meeting me), he would *absolutely* raise the child, if the biological mother didn't want to (and agreed to carrying the baby). Anything else wouldn't be acceptable, in his mind.
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  #7  
May 31st, 2007, 01:00 PM
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I feel that because the father has a biological connection to the fetus, he has a right to know, even if the mother's decision is set in stone. It is his flesh-and-blood too. Do I believe he has a right to tell the mother what to do with her body? No. I know that sounds a bit wonky but ultimately, it is her body that would be burdened (for lack of a better word) by carrying the fetus to term. But I still feel he has a right to that knowledge, just as I believe the father should know if the mother were to carry the pregnancy to term, and be given the option of being in the child's life or relinquishing parental rights.[/b]
But why tell the father if her decision to abort is set in stone? Wouldn't that cause unnecessary angst for the father? I understand the biological connection thing, but even so, isn't he worse off knowing this child was conceived (assuming he would want the child) and that there is no way in the world that he is ever going to meet his child while he walks on this earth? I'm just not understanding what good it would do, I can only see heart-ache.

BTW: I would tell him if it was my personal situation, but that is because my decision to have an abortion would not be set in stone in this scenario.
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  #8  
May 31st, 2007, 01:43 PM
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I still believe he has a right to know that he conceived a fetus. I don't consider it "unnecessary angst" if he knows and can't stop it. If it's not unnecessary angst for the mother, why would it be for the father? It is his (potential) child as well.
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  #9  
May 31st, 2007, 01:52 PM
Ms.Michelle
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I still believe he has a right to know that he conceived a fetus. I don't consider it "unnecessary angst" if he knows and can't stop it. If it's not unnecessary angst for the mother, why would it be for the father? It is his (potential) child as well.[/b]
But it is angst for the mother. No matter what, she has to make the decision to have the abortion and put her body through that.
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  #10  
May 31st, 2007, 01:58 PM
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I still believe he has a right to know that he conceived a fetus. I don't consider it "unnecessary angst" if he knows and can't stop it. If it's not unnecessary angst for the mother, why would it be for the father? It is his (potential) child as well.[/b]
But it is angst for the mother. No matter what, she has to make the decision to have the abortion and put her body through that.
[/b]

Yes, I understand that. I was responding to Gracie saying that telling the father would be "unnecessary" angst. It is his fetus as well, I don't see it as being unnecessary pain for him to find out.

I just realized I didn't say that I would even be okay with the father finding out after the fact if the mother's decision is set in stone. As long as he knows.
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  #11  
May 31st, 2007, 02:22 PM
Ms.Michelle
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Imagine that awkard moment ~ having a one-night stand, not getting his number, having an abortion and seeing him in the bank line...
" I was pregnant from that night "
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  #12  
May 31st, 2007, 02:37 PM
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Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I was not thinking clearly about what a one-night stand would be as... I've never had one. D'oh. In the case that the woman does not know the man and he isn't an acquaintance, well, I can understand fully not telling him.
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  #13  
May 31st, 2007, 02:45 PM
*Aspen*
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Don't know what I can add to this.....My MIL was pregnant (when she and FIL were still married) and she got an abortion without telling him.

My dh's last gf treated him horrible and slept around a lot. She became pregnant and got an abortion. He is pretty sure he was the father, but not 100%. He's very heartbroken about it.
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  #14  
May 31st, 2007, 02:56 PM
Ms.Michelle
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Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I was not thinking clearly about what a one-night stand would be as... I've never had one. D'oh. In the case that the woman does not know the man and he isn't an acquaintance, well, I can understand fully not telling him.[/b]
That's the thing that sucks about a "disposible" night out. The gal and guy could really care less about each other, they just want to get laid. Sad.
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  #15  
May 31st, 2007, 03:54 PM
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  #16  
June 1st, 2007, 04:47 AM
jodi16ss's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Imagine that awkard moment ~ having a one-night stand, not getting his number, having an abortion and seeing him in the bank line...
" I was pregnant from that night "[/b]
Michelle, I see what you mean. I feel like I am being torn in different directions on this subject. In a case where there was a one-night stand, no numbers exchanged, no way to get a hold of the father, etc., and she had the abortion.... then, no, I guess she shouldn't tell him after the fact.
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  #17  
June 1st, 2007, 10:43 AM
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This kind of question raises the issue that people should live by what the Bible says and get married before sex. Then there would not be half as many abortions.As I have said before, if you do the act, you need to take responsibility for it and raise the child. It is not their fault they were concieved, it is your fault and no child is ever a mistake..
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  #19  
June 1st, 2007, 10:50 AM
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This kind of question raises the issue that people should live by what the Bible says and get married before sex. Then there would not be half as many abortions.As I have said before, if you do the act, you need to take responsibility for it and raise the child. It is not their fault they were concieved, it is your fault and no child is ever a mistake.. [/b]
I fail to see what the above contributes to this debate but I'll play along anyway. First off, who should follow the Bible? Surely not everyone in the world, correct? Congratulations to you on being a Christian, but not all of us are Christians nor do we think of the Bible as the source of our beliefs or morality. There are also those of us who *gasp* do not believe that premarital sex nor abortion are morally wrong. I also don't see where anyone has called a child a mistake. Perhaps becoming pregnant in this scenario would be a mistake, but an embryo or fetus, IMO, is not a child.
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  #20  
June 3rd, 2007, 11:13 AM
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This kind of question raises the issue that people should live by what the Bible says and get married before sex. Then there would not be half as many abortions.As I have said before, if you do the act, you need to take responsibility for it and raise the child. It is not their fault they were concieved, it is your fault and no child is ever a mistake.. [/b]

Oooooooooooor...religious fanatics could get their noses out of the public school systems, and let contraceptive education be more comprehensive. Hmm...

Did you know that Texas, home of our fantastic president, teaches abstinence-only education? Did you know that Texas has the highest amount of pregnancies out of "wedlock"?

I think what would make your arguement more encompassing, is if you left out the Christianity part. I'm not a Christian, and I believe that people shouldn't have sex until they're ready to take care of a child. I'm pro-life. Christianity (or any other religion, for that matter) doesn't = morality.
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