[mumto6boys]

I agree that you should be upset that your mom didn't even think to ask your opinion. However, I am going on my 5th child and have an extremely helpful DH and still need my mom to "pick up the slack" for about a week after. My first DS had awful colic from the day I brought him home and trust me it was great to have someone else to pass him off to for a minute or two to catch my breath. Also as almost everyone pointed out there is going to be plenty of other stuff for her to do and feel usefull while you and DH and bonding w/ the baby. I have to say from baby #1 to this last one I couldn't do it w/o my mom there and it's not that my mom and I get along famously either. We butt heads too but she is a huge help even if all she does is makes sure I get a shower in and have clean underwear to put on after I get out...lol.

[mommawhitney]

Your mom should have spoken with you before hand and you may want to bring it up to her that you didnt know she was coming and would have liked to talk about it before she comes so you can be prepared.

I know right now you may feel you dont need her or your old enough to do this and that she is doubting your ability. But its probably none of that at all. She may just want to be there for you emotionally and to share this experience with you.

Think of how you will feel when your baby has a baby one day. When I think of that it really makes me understand how my MIL and mother might feel. When I had DD my mother just watched me with her for hours. Every once in awhile she would tear up and I always thought she was amazed with the baby or that she didnt trust me to be alone with DD or that she was judging what I was doing or some crazy thing like that. Now I think it was she was amazed at the fact that her baby was a mommy. I know thats how Im going to feel.

And some times the emotional support from another women is something DH just cant provide. When I was having a hard time with breastfeeding my daughter I had a huge emotional break down. My MIL was kind enough (at 3am) to take the crying baby while I went and had a shower. And later when I was crying bc I had just given DD her first bottle and I felt so defeated my MIL just stroked my hair while I cried. She just understood in a way no male could.

And if she gets on your nerves have DH make a long and impossible grocery list and send her to the store since you wont be able to drive.

[Nicole1110]

Thanks for all the input. Maybe I am naive to think that I won't want or need help. I think the main thing is having to go back to work after 6 weeks... I really don't want to share that time with him with anyone other than DH. If I was going to be a SAHM and had all the time in the world for intense bonding, it would be different. I know my Mom has nothing but good intentions, she has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known. And she only lives 20 minutes away, so she will go home everyday (thank GOD, lol). I don't know if I want her cooking dinners... I don't need DH realizing what a lousy cook I am

[~April04~]

I'd be mad that she didn't ask first... that would really bother me.

Both of our families live far away - but I've been pretty adamant that no one is allowed here for the first couple of weeks... I know they all probably think that that is harsh - but it's my house and new baby - we want to bond first - and anyone coming here to visit has to stay here with us. My mom has been in the delivery room for every other grandchild (she has 3 others) so she's especially upset that she won't be here for Savannah's birth - I feel bad - but I only want Jeff.

[stlgirl]

that's too bad that she just ASSUMED you'd want/need the help, but hopefully if you set guidelines ahead of time about the types of help you'll want from her and also that you'll need some time ALONE with just you and baby, hopefully her offer will end up being something valuable rather than a burden.

[KatieLove]

It would have been nice if she asked first, but what she is offering is really kind.
I have no experiance in anything, but I know my sister loved having someone around just to do the simple things like housekeeping (laundry, vaccuum, dust) and for her to learn how to wash and hold her baby. How to breastfeed and to pick her up. She only had someone around for 2 hours a day for 6 days and she wished it was more.