[Nicole1110]

I was visiting my parents a few weeks ago when my Mom handed me this paperwork and asked me to have my Dr's office fill it out. I was like what is it? And she said it was for FMLA, that she needed it filled out to be able to take time off to help me with the baby. I'm sure my facial expression was something like this ... This was the first I had heard of my Mom taking time off to help me with my baby. I never asked for help. She never took time off to spend with my SIL when she had her 2 kids. She isn't offering to take time off with my other SIL when she has her baby in 2 weeks. So why me? I get that I am her only daughter, so this pregnancy and birth is probably just a little bit more special than my brothers kids so I am really trying to be understanding. I just don't know why it is assumed that I will need a week's worth of help from her. I am 31 freakin years old, and yeah this is my first baby, but it's not like I am a single Mom and I don't have any other kids to take care of while trying to care for a newborn. I have a very hands-on and supportive husband too who is perfectly willing to get up with the baby at night so that I can catch up on sleep those first few days/weeks. I mean, babies pretty much sleep constantly for the first 6 weeks of their lives and when they're not sleeping, they're eating and I plan to breastfeed and I kinda don't need an audience for that. I just don't know what in the world she thinks she's going to do with us for a week. Not to mention, as much as I absolutely love my Mom (she means the world to me), we butt heads quite a bit. I am EXACTLY like my Dad, and while that dynamic obviously works in marriage (they've been married 35 years), it doesn't work as well in a mother/daughter relationship.

I can't tell her I don't want or need her help. Like I said, I am sure the birth of this baby is SUPER special for her and if nothing else, she will want to spend the week holding and cuddling him... I guess I just wanted to vent a little and see if anyone else was getting unwanted help from family members. I only get 6 weeks off with my little man once he is born and as selfish as it may seem, I want those days with him all to myself.

[~Angela~]

I certainly would have been nice if she had asked first. Maybe you could accept the help and then dictate when she can come 'help'....it could be when the baby is 6 weeks old, or maybe the week before you go back to work?

[mysticalgal28]

Yeah that is a tough situation... my mother helped me alot and took the week of work off when I had Braylon.. his father took 2 weeks off too.. i appreciated the help and my mother and I butt heads alot too... we had alot of family over that first week to see the baby so she entertained them.. I also nursed... she cooked for me and got me stuff from the store that I needed... my opinion is this means alot to your mother and I guess she just felt like she didn't need to ask to do it, she wanted to do it : ) I personaly would let her take the week off and I am sure she will cook for you and spoil you both rotten... does she live in the same town as you??? Or will she be staying at your house?? If she is staying at your house then maybe I would suggested her only staying a night or 2... but if she lives in the same town.. it doesn't mean she will be there 24/7... I am already prepared for his family to be there as well as mine soooo I know I will just want my baby to myself right off the bat but this is special for them too so I can share!!

[sweet*life]

Well my mother is deceased and never got to meet any of my kids so my opinion may be a little different than everyone else's here. Yes, she should've asked you first, but my guess is she is just very excited to help you out. My MIL comes and stays with us for at least a week after each baby is born and although it's kind of awkward to have her here, she lives out of state and doesn't get to see her grandkids that often so I figure I can put up with it for a week.

Plus, I know you said you have a supportive husband but this is also your first child and you will be amazed at how tired you will be (both of you). Oh and not all newborns sleep all the time either. My first child was a screamer and never slept good even as a newborn. I learned real quick what true sleep deprivation really was, lol!

If nothing else put her to work and ask for help with things like dishes, laundry, running errands, etc. My MIL likes to do all that stuff so it's kind of nice to have someone help cook and clean so DH & I can rest.

[peggums27]

With my dd I would have been lost with out my Mum. My daughter I swear didnt sleep for the 1st 5 days home fomr hospital, my Mum was there to help I to was breast feeding but being able to catch some sleep and have someone else make you dinners and clean up is an amazing help. This time around my Mum will be taking a week off, she wont be staying with me this time as I am married to a wonderful man whom is anxious to be a daddy , my dd is 9 and he's never done the baby thing but she will be here everyday during the day that help alone is a great help and will make it so much easier for you. My mother and I dont get along period but the baby seems to bring out the best in both of us and we kinda have agreed to disgree lol Good luck with your Mum I hope it all works out how you want it to, but I think having her come help you for a week isnt to bad of an idea.

I too think she should have asked, but wouldn't let it get me down.
I also had a screamer with my first and was glad to have someone to hand him to. I've also had family come after every baby, and while yes you want your baby to yourself, this is special time for your family too. It will be nice to have someone to help with laundry and whatnot.
Good luck, try not to let it upset you.

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

If I were you I would be frustrated that she didn't ask about it beforehand but was just assuming you would want her there. I would probably tell her that you don't want her to come until the baby is 4 or 5 days old so that you have some bonding time first and when she gets there is when the house will be starting to get messy, etc. I've already made it pretty clear, no matter how 'rude' it may sound... that I don't need help snuggling my baby... I need help with food, and laundry, and cleaning. So if people want to come over in the first few weeks... great... but they will not be sitting for hours on the couch holding Lily - they will be put to work. So hopefully your mom is that type of person that will be able to really step up so that you and your husband have some time to just relax and bond with Major. I don't think your mother doubts your ability to handle this... I just think that she wants to meet her grandson and try to make things easier on you and your husband if she can and maybe didn't realize you might not feel the same way as her. Talk to her about it.

[C&K'sMama]

I get where you're coming from on new baby. i felt the same way with Carrie, but MIL INSISTED... now don't get me wrong, I hate this woman ans she uses her "help" against me at every chance, but it was really great to have someone to do laundry and cook meals while DH and I were adjusting to new baby life.

That is if she's willing to help you in other ways besides care for the baby (my MIL hugely resents me cause I didn't want her help with DD I needed her help with my normal life until I adjusted).

[sarahlorrain]

I totally understand your frustrations. I would probably say something like "Great! Oh I'm so excited. I was wondering who was going to do the cooking and cleaning while I'm recovering from the birth!"

It's nice of her to want to help and all, but she should have asked and she should also ask you what in particular you are going to want her to do.

[Moontan]

i kind of agree with everyone else. yes, she should have asked. but...shes probably really excited...and didnt think you would mind. So...with that said...put her to work doing the things you will probably get behind in. house work, laundry, cooking, etc. moms tend to like to do those things.

i had a similar situation happen to me!...my brother lives about 8 hours away from me. and just informed me in an e-mail that he and his wife took off the first week in February (my baby is due the last week in Jan) to come spend the week with us. My husband doesnt get any time off, so i'm sure i'll welcome the company. but i did find it odd that they didnt ask first. but i guess they assumed, like your mom did, that we would welcome the extra help and company. now that i had time to get used to the idea...i am really excited...and grateful that they went out of their way to help. (plus, he didnt do that for my other sibling...so i secretly feel a little special. lol)

I don't know what to tell you but wanted to know whatever you decide I'm sure will be fine. g/l

I think she should've handled the situation better, but it isn't totally true that babies do nothing that sleep the first 6 weeks. I wouldn't turn down the offer. My parents live 900 miles away and will spend the first week with me, but they'll be entertaining my older kids mainly. I don't believe they've ever asked, it's just always been matter-of-fact.

If you turn out to need a c-section, you'll recovery will be a little harder, and you might appreciate the help. I'd thank her for the generous offer, and tell her that you'll let her know when she can come to "help" you with the baby. Keep your options open, ya know?

Good luck.

[Mom2twins2010]

I agree with the rest, she should have asked. I think when the time comes, you'll appreciate the help, but also don't be shy to tell her if she's stepping on your toes. My mom is taking 4 weeks off to help out, plus we'll be living next door to each other, but she already told me that I have to tell her if she gets in the way or too pushy, it's her first grandbabies and she's really excited, but with me having to infants at the same time, I think I NEED the help LOL

[~Daniell~]

I understand exactly what you mean. My best friend said that she was going to be in the delivery room and be here the first week he is born. She lives in ATL and is the mother of my twin godsons. I love them all but it is not happening. I feel the first week is our time to learn the baby and get on a routine. Not to mention I too do not want to breastfeed in front of others or have someone tell what I should and shouldn't be doing. They really don't mean any harm and people said that I should take the help because I will need it but I would like to see how things go first.

[luvmy3kidz]

wow, i would almost be offended by that.. like "you dont think i can take care of my baby myself to the point where your going to use the government family medical leave act so you can take time off of work unpaid to help me??"

but also, ive never had help... not one day from anyone. not even DH, he went back to work the day after we ame home from the hospital with our son.. (we came home on thanksgiving.... so.. he went to work but everyone else was at home, and no one came by for a month!) so im not used to having help at this point so i dont think i would welcome that type of forced help... plus im cranky today so... im not a total biiatch....

[karenwalter]

I can't beleive she wouldn't even ask first!

That being said, I guess it depends on your situation whether or not I would accept the help. If she is going to be staying at your house, it might make the adjustment even more stressful. If she is going to be staying somewhere else, it might be nice to have the extra set of hands around the house. Just make sure you give her a list of things to do like laundry and shopping, etc. I'm sure your mom wants to see her grandbaby during those first few weeks, but hopefully she will give you and DH plenty of time to bond by yourselves too.

[babybatax2]

My mom is actually trying to pull that on me. I told her I talked to the doctor and he can't fill it out if DH plans on being home with me. If my mom wants to use her vacation time, then fine. But I am the same that I want to spend as much time as I can with the babies. I waited 3 years for them!

[Jacob&RylansMomma]

I'm sorry that you were upset by that, but I'm sure that was not her intentions! My mother took a week of FMLA time off when I had my first son, and it was so nice to have her there to help. I mean, she didn't have to take care of Jacob for me, but she was there for the little things like washing laundry, getting me food and drinks, just helping with whatever I needed. I didn't feel like she took any bonding time away from me with him. I was breast feeding, and let me tell you, once you get all settled down into your chair and the baby gets latched on the last thing you want to do is try to get back up because you're dying of thirst and you forgot your drink in the kitchen! It was the little things like that that I really appreciated!

This time around we are 10 hours away from all of our family and I would LOVE to have someone around to help... DH will be off for the first 10 days so that will be great, but it would be nice to have an extra set of hands around this time to help with the little things again so me and DH could both concentrate on Rylan.

[AngelaMarie]

I'd be upset that she didn't ask first either. I'm going through something similar with MIL and we've just nicely told everyone no visitors for the first few weeks. I hope you can work it out so you're both happy. I know it's really hard to worry about hurting your mother.

[momtobandb]

OMG -- I'm worried about ending up in the same boat as you with my MIL. She doesn't work, so she has ample time and unfortunately my SIL set a precedence with her "dramatic " recoveries from both her previous deliveries. This has made my MIL think she NEEDS to be present & basically move in for WEEKS with ALL the grandkids. SIL is VERY different from me -- is the type to let MIL give a formula bottle b/c she would rather sleep in the middle of the night than attempt to breastfeed, and has no problem letting MIL do her grocery shopping (I refuse b/c my in-laws are so cheap they would buy crap).

Thankfully, I think MIL got an eye-opener when one of my other SIL's had a baby this past May. She stayed with her a week and came back surprised at how much more efficient SIL # 2 was than SIL #1. Basically, she DIDN'T NEED TO BE THERE 24/7!! Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for someone coming over during the day, folding towels and cooking a caserole, and holding a screaming baby so I can attempt a shower every now and then. But the thought of someone being in my house overnight 24/7 SCARES THE H$LL OUT OF ME! Especially someone who gets on my nerves at family dinners Seriously, my MIL is a nice lady who raised 6 kids and knows a lot, but she feels like she knows EVERYTHING and I know i'm not going to share her opinions on 100% of the things that I deal with those first few days. (i.e. First thing she said when she saw my nursery setup was "those crib bumpers might kill your baby, you should take them out").

I hate that I'm anticipating the birth of my baby so much, yet dreading stupid things like family interference ruining it. Ugh....all we can do is hope, pray and be thankful they love us I guess.