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My Second Baby Dragon Attempt, A Journal


Forum: High Risk Pregnancy

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  #1  
June 9th, 2012, 12:04 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5
Hi Ladies, this may be long, so I apologize in advance, as I'm just trying to put thoughts into words to try and put my rambling mind at ease. Hopefully, this thread will continue on as a sort of pregnancy journal for me and hopefully if someone else reads this somewhere over the virtual world, maybe they can feel as though they're not alone, as sometimes I feel...


I'm 31, and never really thought about having children, as all my life, I was told that I probably couldnt get pregnant anyways because of this and that. And because of my health complications, I was always on some form of birth control. Well, in February of this year, I was going completely insane hormonally, and didn't know why. I would pick fight constantly with my significant other, and once even, while we were watching tv, he flipped to some reality show which had some girls in bikini, and me, someone who never really cared much, went berserk as jealousy reared it's ugly head. My bf and I never really argued before this, and suddenly, we were at each other's throat.

My period was supposed to come soon, and when that didn't, I wasn't worried because I was on the birth control pill; I shrugged it off as being late because of all the sudden "stress" from arguing so much with my partner.

6 weeks and 4 days after my LPM, I was driving home from my bf after another major fight, and it suddenly hit me... my sore boobs, my cramping but missing period, my sudden headaches which I never had before, my sudden frequent urination, especially at night, and of course, my sudden new found hormones.... before I even got home, I stopped by and picked up a HPT. Within seconds of testing, it came back, without a doubt, pregnant. I was TERRIFIED and cried for two straight days.

My bf however, was super supportive, despite all of our recent arguments. His response after the initial *** moment? The baby is 50% mine, so I'm in it with you 150%.

A week later, I had my first prenatal appointment, and my first scare... my progesterone level was at 9, and fearing some complications, my OB sent me to get an ultrasound ASAP to make sure my baby was okay. We were so terrified...but when they showed us our little baby, and it's heart beating like crazy, we sighed a huge sigh of relief...

A week later, I had an appointment with the maternal fetal specialist, as from the get go, I am considered a high risk pregnancy. See, I used to have severe Grave's disease, which is a hyper thyroid auto immune disorder, and had to have radioactive iodine to remove my thyroid. This was 6 years ago, but I never went "under" and thus never needed synthoid. To top it off, I also suffer from Lupus, which, fortunately, has been in remission for a few years....but I also have Sjogren's, which apparently, is rare for it to go into remission.

Well, as soon as the tech gave me an ultrasound, she went and got the maternal fetal specialist, who gave me the bad news: no heart beat...my little bean has died..... I was asked to schedule a D&C in which I said let me go home and grasp the fact that I am no longer going to have a baby first...but in reality.. I went home and prayed that I would miscarry naturally....

The following week, I had my appointment with my doctor again...and literally 45 minutes before my appointment, my contractions started, and I just knew he was leaving me, and he did, and I actually caught him in my hands, and got to bury him instead of sending him off to a lab to be tested and discarded as human waste....

I was 10 and a half week pregnant....

Last edited by BabyDragon2; June 9th, 2012 at 12:32 PM.
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  #2  
June 9th, 2012, 12:30 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5
We were both devastated.... we had already picked a name for our baby, and even bought a crib and all... so the lost was almost unbearable....

But such is life... all I knew was, I wanted to try again, ASAP...so despite all the doctors' recommendation of waiting 3-4 months before trying again, I did my own research, and figured if I was ready for it emotionally, then there's no reason really to not try again ASAP...

So I waited for my period to come, which it did 28 days later after I miscarried...and the moment I conceived, I just knew I was pregnant. Three days after my ovulation date, I started getting severe diarrhea, and my nausea already was starting. I didn't want to tell anyone, because I didn't want people to think I was completely "insane" after my miscarriage....

6 Days after ovulation, I bought myself a burger, only to be completely repulsed by it...I so wanted to test then, but AF wasn't expected to come for another 8 days, so I knew it would be fruitless.

On March 23rd, after I started feeling jealous again, this time with my bf's job (Crazy I know!!!!) because he started working 70+ hours a week, I knew I had to try and not surprisingly, it came out negative.

On the 26th, 2 days before my period was to come, I took yet another test, and disappointed, threw it out when it came out negative....

Only 2 more days to wait until my period was to come anyways. I had only 1 first response left from the current box, and 1 ClearBlue test left from my previous pregnancy... I may as well save them until after my miss period to test...

But come the 27th, curiosity got the best of me, and I took my last first response test... negative... so in the trash it went...before something caught my eyes.... could it be? So very faint? Or was my eyes playing tricks on me??? I fished it out of the trash and carried it to all different kinds of light source... it could be...or couldnt be.... I wasn't sure... A few minutes later, the line got a bit darker..sure enough, pregnant... I took my last ClearBlue test just to make sure, and that, without a doubt, turned positive right away.

I went and got my labwork done, and that day, I felt my pregnancy symptoms pretty much disappear as well... Where did my hormone go? I'm no longer emotional! I suddenly don't have to pee as much, and well, I no longer FELT pregnant...

I wasn't too concern...until I went back to my OB... first thing out of her mouth was.... your pregnancy is likely not viable....HCG level is too low, blah blah blah.

17 DPO, my progesterone this time was great at 25, but my HCG was only at 242.

Of course I cried... it didn't help that the day before, I saw my best friend, my dog, get hit by a car in front of my eyes, crawl to me and then died in my arms...

I went home and the first thing I did was research.

I'm a little mad now...how can she make such a definitive statement without having any other numbers to compare it to??? Just because in her experience, number that low resulted in a nonviable pregnancy??

Every where I looked, it seems as though my number of 242 was "average." So... I don't understand....

But given that, given the doom and gloom of my doctor, and given the fact that my pregnancy symptom has disappear (except I dried heave a couple of times... but that could be just from being so upset from losing my dog...), I can't help but feel a little... well, extremely sad.

I'm not throwing in the towel just yet. I went yesterday for another beta test... and Monday I go in to get the results...and then I'll schedule my ultrasound next week...where I should be at 6 weeks come Monday.... So hoping that this is all a fluke...and my little bean is going to stick this time...

Regardless... my boyfriend gave me some uplifting words of encouragement.. he said, screw it... if we can't have a baby now, then we'll just go raise a dog together...and if it takes ten more try to have a baby, we won't give up.

So... hopefully come Monday... I get good news that my numbers have been doubling....but regardless, we're taking a mini road trip, and he's driving me 4 hours each way to and buying me a new puppy....

Sigh... but we all know.. the wait is really killing me inside....
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