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risk vs gain


Forum: High Risk Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 30th, 2007, 07:25 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Right now I'm trying to decide between TTC #2 or being "sterilized."
I'll try to keep this short because it tends to bore others and depress me. I have Factor V Leiden and MTHFR (I get clots). Neither are rare. I have one gene in each which a lot of people have and don't know it. I'm not one who'll never be bothered by it. I knew I had when I got pregnant and because of family history I was put on heparin shots (2 a day). After a C-Sec with my daughter I STILL had a Pulmonary embolism. (clot in my lung). Basically- horrible pain, almost died, missed weeks 2-4 of my daughters life.
With those blood disorders I can't take hormones. I have a messed up "cycle" (3+weeks ON and a week or so of rest (migranes and every other PMS sympton known to woman) and even if my docs figured out why they couldn't do anything to fix it. So my doc is saying an ablation with "essure" permanant BC is my best choice, but if I want another child do it now.
I do want another child, for me and for my daughter to have a sibling. Of course I'm scared of everything I read on it. Increased risk of pre-eclampsia, fetal death, still birth, maternal death. I KNOW people get by with this but part of me thinks I have a great daughter, why risk my life and leaving her with out a mother? Isn't it like saying "you aren't enough?" My doc says it's a managable risk, didn't they try to manage it the first time? My husaband and I have been talking about it and we agree we have no real logical reason to try for another with the risk, emotionally and financially (DD had some problems early on and was on RX formula.) So why can't we let go of the idea?
Did I mention I had Post partum depression (thats not true, it started during the 4th month of pregnancy but what would you call that?) I'm scared of that also.

ANYONE going through this? ANYONE have thoughts on what to do? Is it "reckless" to try for another? Greedy?

Kim
Megan 18months
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  #2  
April 30th, 2007, 08:13 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is something that I have been weighing myself. My pregnancy is not as high-risk as yours, but if I was to get pregnant again it would mean bedrest for quite a while and a possible preemie. For me, I decided that both of these factors would impact my ability to be a mother to my firstborn in ways that I wouldn't want, but I do want a sibling for my little boy. I decided that I am going to look into adoption once my son is born, but that was an easy decision for me. My dh is not that happy with it and would prefer to have our own, and I don't understand that perspective. Well, I might- I think he is more concerned with the "problems" that may be encountered with a child who is adopted, and I don't seen any difference in the risk between adopting a child and having our own. But again, that was a fairly easy decision for me to make, but I also work with children who were adopted. It may just take some soul searching.. Good luck!
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  #3  
May 1st, 2007, 02:11 PM
texasmelgal's Avatar Veteran
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Although I'm not in the same shoes as you two are, I wanted to offer big hugs to you both. Personally, if i thought I had a greater chance of dying by having another baby, I wouldn't just because I know Ellie needs me. It's a tough decision. Best of luck to you both!
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  #4  
May 3rd, 2007, 09:43 PM
kimberkin's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Increased risk of pre-eclampsia, fetal death, still birth, maternal death. I KNOW people get by with this but part of me thinks I have a great daughter, why risk my life and leaving her with out a mother? Isn't it like saying "you aren't enough?" My doc says it's a managable risk, didn't they try to manage it the first time? My husaband and I have been talking about it and we agree we have no real logical reason to try for another with the risk, emotionally and financially (DD had some problems early on and was on RX formula.) So why can't we let go of the idea?
Did I mention I had Post partum depression (thats not true, it started during the 4th month of pregnancy but what would you call that?) I'm scared of that also.[/b]
I personally am having a high risk pregnancy due to lupus (and a LOT of back problems) With the lupus, I have an increased risk of Pre-E, still birth, fetal death, maternal death, and genetic defects. I was not planning this pregnancy... it was something I was just blessed with. I can understand wanting more children. Dh and I talked about it, we had decided to wait a few years and adopt... but things do not always turn out as planned. I spent the first several months of my pregnancy in total worry that something would be wrong with the baby, that my kidneys and liver would quit and I could die, that the baby would be still born, that I would leave my daughters without a mother. I still worry. I have a great doctor who is taking very very good care of me and baby, we are finally getting a boy. (we really love our daughters, but we wanted a son too!) My doctor is very patient with me, and takes his time to explain anything I need to know. On top of the lupus, with my back problems they have to be extremely careful during delivery, and we really have no idea until after the pregnancy how much more damage is being done to my back. Its worth it of course! Every week I am pregnant my risk of giving birth to a still baby increases. It's scary. I have been afraid I was going to lose this baby every step of the way.
On that note, I have to remind myself that this is ment to be. Getting pregnant in the first place is a miracle in itself. Staying pregnant is another one.
So here I say, if you want another baby... then you should try. It sounds like you have good doctors, who understand the risks and will help you every step of the way. That is important. You may have to go on bed rest, and the worry will be there... I know from experience. But if you want another baby, that is not going to go away. I worry all the time, but I cannot let the worry control me. As for the depression, they can give you meds that are safer to take during pregnancy to help you control that. Sometimes the depression just comes from the worry alone. If you have good doctors that are going to be there with you as you go through another pregnancy, and you truely want another child, give it one more shot.
I think sometimes you just have to let go and see what happens. None of us are promised tomorrow.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me!

Kime
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