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Forum: High Risk Pregnancy

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  #1  
May 1st, 2007, 07:36 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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Okay, I have a question and I think a baby's life hang in the balance here.
I know a person who is 33 weeks pregnant and due to give birth in June (father's day to be exact!). She DOES NOT take care of herself or her baby. She has had a bladder infection for the past three months(she won't take her medication!) and her baby is only 2 lbs and 3 oz! She refuses to take her prenatal vitamins and she has only gained 8 lbs her whole pregnancy! (She is mentally challenged, but highly functioning!) She has a 18 month old daughter whom she does not take care of. She sends her daughter to the babysitter for months at a time! When the daughter is home, she is either in her playpen or a walker. The mother won't feed her, at least not without being told, and when she does she only feeds her stage one baby food! The child just learned to start crawling at thirteen months! She gives her a bath maybe once a week, and she goes two three weeks at a time without taking a bath herself! When she does take a "shower" she goes in the bathroom, sprays perfume on herself and runs the water to make it sound like she takes a shower!
My question is, if the baby survives (her first daughter was born at 33 weeks because she had FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome because the mother drank excessively and her apgars were only 4 and 6) should I try and see if there is a way that she would give the baby up for adoption or call somebody to get that baby some help? She told me that if I did something like that, that she wouldn't be my friend, but I can't see the baby being treated like her eighteen month old! What do I do?
HELP!

(The reason I know all this is because she lived with me!)
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  #2  
May 1st, 2007, 10:10 PM
Momo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would say screw the friendship, those kids lives are more important. I would definately alert the authorities on account of neglect and malnutrition and everything else.
It sounds like she is not fit to care for a child and really, the state should take them away. Would you want to adopt them or try to adopt them?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this but those babies need an advocate and it looks like you are all they have. I am going to pray for you and the babes as well as the mother.
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  #3  
May 2nd, 2007, 05:55 AM
texasmelgal's Avatar Veteran
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I agree with the PP. The children are so much more important than the friendship.
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  #4  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:26 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm surprised that with a diagnosis of fas and a preemie that the social worker from the hospital didn't make a call to any social services to give support to both the mom and the baby. i would definitely call social services- which you can do anonymously if you prefer. ideally what they would do is assign the family a social worker who can help and support mom with her parenting skills, and also get the children some extra services. her daughter should qualify for early intervention services with her diagnosis and they can also keep an eye on the new baby.

good luck and keep us updated! and let us know if there's anything else we can do!
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  #5  
May 2nd, 2007, 07:55 AM
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you can make an anonymous call to child services. and it its that bad, i would!
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  #6  
May 2nd, 2007, 10:59 AM
kkhadivar
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i agree with sprouthead and melissas. i would call social services, so they can provide monitoring, support and education, and find early intervention for mom and baby.
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  #7  
May 2nd, 2007, 01:41 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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Okay, so I did call once before she found out she was pregnant with daughter number 2. I noticed that she would leave her first daughter in the tub all by herself. I would go in and watch the child, obviously! I told them (DCFS) what had happened and what is all going on, at the time and they told me that what I was reporting to them did NOT substantiate enough for a investigator to come out to my house and investigate what was happening. She no longer lives with me, thank goodness but I still fear for both children and begin to wonder what I will be told this time if I call again. I felt horrible for doing it the first time, but I felt it had to be done! I feel that it is this time, but I am going to be mad if they tell me that she is not doing anything to harm her children...AHHH!
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2007, 08:12 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would call again. Unfortunately, different states have different standards around what's "fileable" and "not fileable." If they tell you that they can't investigate based on that information, ask if they have information on any social services that would provide assistance to mothers who are mentally challenged, and info about any early intervention programs in your area. if you can get her hooked up to at least one community resource, it will help, and they may have access to other resources that would be appropriate for this family.
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  #9  
May 3rd, 2007, 05:02 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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I have tried to get her intervention before...before she found out she was pregnant, she needed to be on anti-depressants BAD! I called a place called ERS (Emergency Response Services) and told them what was going on. They said to set up a doctor's appt for her and get her on some AD...I did and "miracously" she was pregnant! So there went the AD idea. Thank goodness she saw the same OB as me. He asked me to keep an eye on her because she has a heart condition. He told her with her first pregnancy to terminate it because she could lose her life, and again with this one. She didn't (I can understand the first time, ya know?), she has a thyroid problem and right after she found out she was pregnant, she took ALL my tramadol ( I had just come home from the hospital after Gage's birth)! I think I'm gonna call again and see what happens this time
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  #10  
May 4th, 2007, 08:22 AM
sprouthead's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i would call again. early intervention is a federally mandated program for children from birth to age 3 that services children with developmental delays. each state has different criteria for qualifying, but i would think the first daughter would qualify with a diagnosis of fas. even if social services don't respond, if the girl will qualify for ei, then they will hopefully have access to other resources that would help with the parenting aspect (some agencies even have social workers that work for ei). let me know if you have trouble finding info on this program in your area. good luck!
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  #11  
May 4th, 2007, 02:46 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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I did call and you know what they told me? The fact that she is taking her daughter somewhere else when she can't take care of her (she says she "stressed!") is a implication that she is trying to take care of her daughter. Yes, she is on WIC. She is currently living with an ex-friend of mine who runs a daycare. This is the woman who takes care of Cloee now. Before it was a woman named jena. The girl lives with her and gets WIC but the WIC goes for the daycare children who visit. She still feeds her daughter (Cloee) formula! I've heard of feeding them the stage two formula, I think, but she still feeds Similac Isomil. They also said they couldn't do anything about the baby she was carrying now because there was no way for me to prove that she is endangering herself or her baby. I told them to contact her doctor, who is the same OB I have, and they told me that they don't contact doctor's! I am at wits end here. AHH! Oh she drives me insane, guys! I gave her some stuff of my son's that I had after he grew out of it. I gave her a bassinet, some clothes, some diapers, a thing of baby shampoo, some vapor bath stuff, and some hats and mittens that were unisex. She told me that she didn't want them because they weren't name brand! Can you believe that? She didn't want the bassinet because it wasn't Winnie The Pooh! I was so mad! I could have sold the stuff, but I was trying to be a good friend and give it to her because I know when I was pregnant, I took anything I could get whether it was name brand or not, ya know? I'm going to try again!
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  #12  
May 6th, 2007, 03:18 PM
Kaylala's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i would call social services and get those children out of that house they can even keep her under supervision till this baby is born. The kids are most important they cant live like that
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  #13  
May 30th, 2007, 03:31 AM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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Well, I just found out the other day that she tragically (or not!) lost the baby!
I don't know whether I should feel sad or elated, ya know?
I don't want to sound b**chy but I feel it was for the best, ya know?
Should I feel any thing else?
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  #14  
June 2nd, 2007, 08:34 PM
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Given the circumstances, it's probably better that she takes care of NO children. But it's sad that she lost her baby. It wasnt the babies fault its mother was so disfunctional.

Regardless, there is still another child involved who needs intervention. I would call every single day if that's what it takes to get someone to listen. If she is THAT bad, they will do something. It will just take someone coming out there. When someone does show up, go over there and tell them what you've seen.

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  #15  
August 22nd, 2007, 03:02 AM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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Okay, this is all really confusing but if you guys will just bare with me, I promise, it will work out!
We found out that she didn't really lose the baby...she just told the father that she lost the baby so that he wouldn't try to see her (The baby)

Her name is Aubry Ann Cagle and she was born 11 days early (DOB: Jun 06 2007 EDD: Jun 17 2007) she was 4 lbs and some odd ounces and she was born with a heart defect, is on a heart monitor 24/7 and has other problems. Her mother has a heart defect and was told to terminate both pregnancies because she herself could have died! She didn't take any prenatal or anything like that that she was prescribed! I personally think that it's her fault that her daughter is so challenged and has to face so many obstacles in life already!

Please, someone tell me some advice!
Should I still try to call DCFS? I did again and they found the case unfounded AGAIN!!! I'm so frustrated!!!
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  #16  
August 22nd, 2007, 05:04 AM
Cindermella's Avatar Freakin Know it all
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comes a point where you have to look to your own kids and walk away from other peoples problems
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