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A bit sad tonight


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  #1  
September 11th, 2011, 09:40 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,173
This is offically my last night in a DDC, ever--the Aug 2011 DDC becomes a playroom tomorrow
My doc told us to get a TL during my repeat c/s with Joseph as the odds of mom or baby dying during another pg are higher due to my health issues, and dh and I were done mentally and financially anyhow, but I still need to grieve this little part. I have five under five, I'm 38, and we're done, but my brain forgot that.

I've only ever had three bfps and two term pregnancies-its hard to understand that won't ever happen again. We started TTC in April 2004, and its really hard to stop my mind from dealing with the effects of infertility, part of me is always going to wonder if this is going to be the month-strange.
After Nolan, and the failed IVF, and the three adoptions we were ntnp, but there was always a little hope that we'd get our oops baby and be done; well that's happened and now with the TL, its over.

I spent the first half of my life tta pg, the last 7+years ttc, and now what?

Does this make any sense to you?
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  #2  
September 11th, 2011, 10:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,797
Hugs Marie. It makes all sort of sense to me. Being "done" has to be a hard thing to accept. Even if.....it makes all sorts of sense for all the reasons you listed. That's your brain talking. Now, the heart, that's a completely different matter. Our heart is the one that hopes for a bfp, enjoys the pg and delivery, and cuddles a newborn. Our brain is the one always living in reality, poopy diapers, bills, etc. But the heart is so very powerful.

I'm thrilled for you that you got your miracle little baby. Enjoy your family of 5 little ones and remember it's okay to be sad and even grieve. Give yourself permission.

Hugs my dear.
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  #3  
September 12th, 2011, 03:46 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
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Thank you Mari. I feel a bit guilty since we wanted a baby all those years, and now I got him, I mean, I've got five! I think the stress of not doing the TL, not being able to do bcp, and worrying about a failure with nfp/fam and the risks to myself and potential next baby--those are definitely bigger stressors than what I'm feeling now about being done. One of the twins smeared poop on his wall again last night, I'm def done!
I, too, cannot believe how lucky we got with our first, natural, final pregnancy resulting in a gorgeous, healthy baby boy! In the past seven weeks, there have been times when I've fallen on my knees and thanked God for this amazing little miracle. We hoped for him for so long, wow!
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  #4  
September 12th, 2011, 04:07 PM
Sota's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yep, I totally get it. Mentally I know I should be done, but there is a part of me that can't accept the finality of that decision.

However, with five miracles under 5, I am not sure how you could even find the time to contemplate this! You are an amazing woman.
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  #5  
September 14th, 2011, 05:15 AM
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Location: Australia
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I get it to Marie . Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I had a fourth. However, I'm tired and I'm happy with three and I know I'm done...it's just hard not think about the what ifs I guess! I actually wish now (in hindsight) that I'd had the tubal ligation with Layla's c-section...but at the time I just couldn't commit to it.. Now I know I don't want another baby but the mind still plays tricks on us!
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  #6  
September 14th, 2011, 06:44 AM
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:hugs: Mike and I had originally wanted at least two children and sometimes late at night when I look at Katie asleep in her bed, I do mourn the sibling she will not have. I know that it is best for our family though to be done with one though.
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  #7  
September 14th, 2011, 11:35 AM
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You know ladies, I think it's hard no matter what age, number of kids we have, or any other factors to say, "Yes, we are done". It's a hard thing for some of us. Not everyone, but I think for lots of women it's hard. Let's be sure and gentle on ourselves. It's not that we don't appreciate what we have, but more wondering "what ifs".

I had some health issues with Lila and after her birth, and was told it would be tough to get pg again, and carry a baby. We had 8 great kids and I still mourned! This little boy I'm carrying is such a blessing to us. I didn't think I'd get the chance to do it again. I feel so blessed.
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  #8  
September 15th, 2011, 07:34 AM
BeckyM's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maryland
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(((Hugs)))) You are allowed to be sad. I'm struggling emotionally with this right now myself. DH & I always said we wanted children and had not really set a definite number - 2 or 3 probably. But with all we discovered and what we went through to get Mark, I just don't know now. Right now, we're giving ourself until Mark is 2 and then we'll decide. A part of me feels I will always long for at least another LO. I loved being pg and feeling this new life grow inside me and I was blessed to overall have an uneventful pg. I surprised all my docs that I worked up to 2 days before going into labor. The brain part of me says that juggling a 2nd child along with work full time would be really difficult. It's so hard.
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