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Mel, I swear I must be brain dead! lol I just now saw this!
My daughter Tori has type 1. She's been diabetic since the age of 5--almost 12 years ago! Hard to believe...
She's a very brittle diabetic...hospitalized 18 times in the past 5 years! But..she's a happy and wonderful young woman who is determined not to let it stop her. She is one tough cookie, let me tell you! Someday, I'll tell you all about what that poor kid has been through...if you're interested that is. lol LONGGGGGGG story!
OK, sit back.
Miss Tori was diagnosed at the age of 5 with type 1, (insulin dependant) diabetes. She dealt with it a lot better than either of the boys would have because of her young age. She did very well until she hit puberty. That's when the hospitalizations started. Basically, she is severely affected by stress, hormones, foods, if she doesn't get enough sleep, if she gets too much sleep, if she gets dehydrated...well just about everything. Her dad is not the best father in the world... he is verbally and emotionally abusive...especially since the divorce. He's been known to call her a BI***, WH***, SL**, and has thrown her "out of his life" on numerous occasions. Yeah...did I mention stress? At the tender age of 13, one of her "good friends" raped and sodmized her one night after luring her out of the house on the pretense of giving her back a shirt that he'd borrowed. She spent about a year in counselling for that one but has handled it very well. Did I mention stress? The boy--16 at the time--was tried as a juvenile and given a suspended sentence and had to "reimburse her" for the cost of her counselling. Naturally, this was a shock to us all as we thought he would at the very least be locked up until he was 18...or, preferably, 21. She had to relive the experience over and over in police reports and depositions which didn't make it any easier for her to move on. Of course, the kids in her school found out about the incident and began tormenting her about it--saying that she must have asked for it, she was a sl** and a liar, etc etc. Because the boy lived in our neighborhood, and she was afraid to leave the house, she had to move in with her dad who lives in the next school district. Did I mention stress? That same year she saw me go through some seriously difficult times financially which caused me to almost lose our house and of course, her dad determined that since she lived with him he didn't need to pay for child support, even though I was footing the medical bills and counselling for her and still maintained her room. I was working 50 + hours per week--mostly because I could not deal with coming home and her not being there. My son Steven went into a serious depression--all due to what had happened to his baby sister--and almost went over the edge. She and Steven are VERY close and she depended on him to help her through it but he wasn't coping on his own and would not go for counselling with her. I finally convinced him to go on anti-depressants because I was so afraid he'd do something to himself...retrospectively, I should have too. We finally got the kid removed from the neighborhood and were able to keep her in a different school so she moved back home. Her father, the wonderfully idiotic man that he is, has always blamed me and her for what happened and since then has treated her as though she was not worthy of being his daughter. He'd ask her to come stay the weekend with him and by Saturday evening I got a phone call from a hysterical teenager begging me to come pick her up because he had threatened her or thrown her out. EVERY TIME! I begged her not to go over there anymore but he'd sweet talk her and buy her things that I couldn't and she'd wind up going again a month or so later. This went on for almost 2 years after the rape. I've always told the children they did not ever have to go see him or talk to him but that I would never stop them from it...I stood by that until one night he came close to getting physically abusive and I told her she couldnt go over there anymore. (that was what broke up our marriage..he beat me up one night and gave me two black eyes, a busted lip a broken thumb and various bruises and bumps all over me) It's just been in the past 6 months that she has started spending the night over there and so far, so good. She told him off the last time he pulled that crap and didn't speak to him for 3 months. After that she told him she would never allow him to treat her like that again and has stuck to her guns--walking out on him when he starts in on her. During the past two years, her best friend was shot to death in a horrible accident (his brother "didn't know the gun was loaded" and shot him in the head) and another of her very good friends was killed in an accident while leaving school one day. She got into a car (driven by a teenager) which was overcrouded and sat in her boyfriend's lap--without a seatbelt obviously-- and the car was struck and rolled over, ejecting her from her "seat" and crushed her in front of all the kids leaving school.
Tori is the single strongest person I know. She has been through more horrible experiences than any adult I know and has come out of it all with such compassion and love and strength! She wants to either become a psychologist specializing in rape survivors or child abuse or a pediatric nurse working with diabetics. Like me, she believes that when something bad happens to you, you can either let it defeat you and be a victim, or you can make it into something good and be a survivor. She chose to be a survivor and I think she will always be that. She doesn't wallow in what happened to her or let it "define her" but rather let's it serve to give her the empathy and compassion that will allow her to become something greater than she might have been before. So, after all that and 18 hospitalizations--two of which were very serious and she might have died--she still has a big smile on her face and all the love in her heart that any one she meets is welcome to share. Yeah, she's been through he** and come out smelling like a rose! She's my hero, Mel. That's the best way to sum it all up.
Ty, sweetie...we're back in the hospital tonight. LOL I swear. I think she must be the strongest woman in the world by now. Oh well. 19 and counting!
This time, she caught a stomach virus and started vomiting on Friday morning. Today she woke up with keytones. The nice thing is that I am taking this opportunity to clean that cesspool she sleeps in. Without her here I can throw out all those things she "needs" but until she starts cleaning them up, forgets she even has! LOL Silver linings and all that.
Jesus, what an incredible story. Major hugs to you and your kids. I can't f*cking believe the light sentences that RAPISTS get. Christ, they RAPED, what f*cking else more does the court need to know? Sorry, this just gets my dander up. The fact that she suffered that AND the scumbag got a light sentence AND she was taunted for it --- oh, man, this is just making my blood boil. She and you are truly the strongest people. I wish you good luck and happiness in the future.
I completely agree about the light sentencing. You know, when it happened, my son Steven wanted to go down and beat the tar out of the kid. I told him "No, we'll let the courts take care of him. He'll be branded a sex offender for life ' and do some serious time...let him go to prison and see what that's like!" We all WANTED blood but I talked them into letting the court system handle it. I really wanted my kids to get a lesson in the American judicial system at it's finest. I kept telling the kids how rapists don't get an easy time of it and since she was only 13, I honestly figured they'd give him the max. Well, my first inclination that things didn't work that way should have been when they told me that "Since this is his first (reported) offense, we're trying him as a juvenile"--even though he turned 17 the month after the assault. They assured me that they could keep him until he was 21 and that he would be enrolled in a sex offenders rehabilitation program. OK, not what I wanted but still hard time and he'd be registered. What really made my blood boil was that they didn't give Tori or me a choice. Because Tori had a 13 yr old's idea of how the world works, she thought I would have to pay a lawyer to take him to court. She asked me the night it happened how much a lawyer costs. I told her that depending on why you needed one, it could run into the thousands of dollars. I thought she was asking because she wanted to understand why I wasn't going after her dad for not paying child support! She knew I was hanging on by a thread at that point and didn't want to "burden me" with the expenses of having this *&^%$ charged and brought to trial. So she didn't tell me what had happened. She told a friend of hers who told her mother and the mother told Steven who then called the police and they called me at work. There's something you never want to hear in front of a store full of people! Because it was by then 5 days after the fact, the charges of rape and false imprisonment were later dropped to lesser, non-sexual offenses which he then pled guilty to. He is NOT registered. When he turned 18 his record was sealed. The ONLY future mention of what Tori went through will be when he rapes again--and we all know he will because scum like that doesn't quit--it will throw up a red flag on any arrests for sexual offenses and they can look at the file. Then, it can be brought into the next trial as evidence of pattern of behavior. That's all. 2 years suspended, 180 hours of community service...that's what you get for taking a little girls virginity? Oh and we were "allowed" to take out a restraining order on him...hello? LET him come within 500 ft of me, my daughter or either of my sons, PLEASE! He won't ever have to worry about another rape charge since he won't have the equipment to do anything with anyway! One of the toughest things for me was to try to make my kids understand that this was not how the system was supposed to work. I kicked myself so many times for not letting justice be done some other way. I even had two of my friends (male, biker types who are really just big ole teddy bears) tell me that if I just "gave them the word, they'd 'take care of it' and I would never have to be a part of any of it". Well, naturally, I said no. I didn't want any part of that. I think I might feel differently knowing what I know now.
Anyway, Tori's the strong one. I'm tough, I know...but she's amazing. She is working with the school system and a former counsellor of hers to try to start up a support group in our school for girls who've been raped or molested. Her thinking is that so many of them don't know who to talk to and need desperately to do so. She knows that it's much easier to talk to someone who has been there and that sometimes it's easier to talk to someone your own age also. The counsellor said that she can even use part of her offices if she gets the ok for it and that she would be the adult supervisor that would be legally required. Like me, Tori wants to find some way to make something good come out of this. Like I said...she's amazing.
Well, kudos to her for starting a support group. Not only will it be beneficial to other girls, it'll most likely be therapeutic for her, too.
Those biker guys, let me tell you, I think you should give them the go-ahead. They're not going to kill the guy, they'll just beat the living, motherf*ucking daylights out of the SCUM. That's the least of what he deserves.
I really want you to consider this. I truly believe in vigilante-ism when the courts fail you. I do want you to do this. Don't worry, you don't even have to tell us here. That way, they can't trace anything back to you. Do this. Think of the relief your daughter will feel just knowing that he had the sh!+ kicked out of him. I think she deserves this much justice. Please, give the bikers the go-ahead. Please.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, if you do this, don't you feel guilty for one ###### second.
I think people, good people like yourself, back away from violence, back away from vigilante actions. I think they have a conscious and that stops them.
Did the SCUM have a conscious when he did what he did? NO!!!!!!! Don't feel guilty.
Think of the girls that WON'T be raped because the bikers will teach him NEVER, EVER do that again.