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Forum: Forty Something (and Plus) Mommies

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  #1  
April 27th, 2008, 01:21 PM
tamw402004's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ohio.....I was born in Portsmouth, Virginia.
Posts: 15,494
Where`s everyone at??? I am feeling lonely here!
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  #2  
April 27th, 2008, 01:30 PM
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I'm here! My first chance to do anything today...been so darn busy! I love lazy Sundays....sure would like to have one again soon! lol
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  #3  
April 27th, 2008, 04:09 PM
T&Ts mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,592
Hi guys,
Hows everybody doing ?
As for me well we went to camp fri and over the weekend we built a small deck and went and got a screenroom attachment for campers and so now we have like a real nice porch area.
Right now I can sit there and see the lake but not all the seasonal peoples campers are there.
I will miss my veiw if it gets blocked.
We have had friends up there already and it was 84 one day I got a sunburn. And that hot weather was followed by a severe thunder storm eeeeps.
Trav bought his first car its a Chevy Blazer..It needs some work but he is excited.
Today when we came home, I called Trista and asked for Chase for the day we really had fun with him we took him outside and had pizza and watched the race.
And the upside was they got to go out to dinner alone ,he was so good I said just leave him here
My mom came over and Chucks mom was outside so he saw lots of grandmas.He calls my mom Nanny,Chucks mom Grandma,and im MawMaw..cute

so thats it in a nutshell
Shelly

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  #4  
April 27th, 2008, 04:28 PM
Cindermella's Avatar Freakin Know it all
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 13,606
Thursday I was in town for blood testing

Friday I was baby sitting

Saturday I was out and about with a neighbor and Saturday night I was visiting with a friend who is in town from Germany.

This morning I was out for brunch with my Uncle and his wife and this afternoon I was doing yard work

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  #5  
April 28th, 2008, 05:50 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Thursday I was in town for blood testing[/b]
Hey Mel! What was the bloodwork for? Are you still having problems? Hope you're feeling better soon! This has been a tough one for you. You're in my prayers, hon.
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  #6  
April 29th, 2008, 11:52 AM
tamw402004's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Ohio.....I was born in Portsmouth, Virginia.
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Wow, we are all some busy women!!{The only way to be tho}KEEPS YA YOUNG!!!

Hey Mel, How are you doing? I sure hope all is well with you!!!
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  #7  
April 29th, 2008, 02:37 PM
Cindermella's Avatar Freakin Know it all
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 13,606
it was my semi annual diabetes doctor checkup

and my sugars are great. Largely because I lost all that weight.

yay me
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  #8  
April 30th, 2008, 01:55 PM
tamw402004's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
it was my semi annual diabetes doctor checkup

and my sugars are great. Largely because I lost all that weight.

yay me[/b]
Like I told you yesterday ...That is great news!!!
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  #9  
April 30th, 2008, 05:27 PM
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SO glad to hear that Mel! Congratulations! Glad you're doing so well now...I was kinda worried about ya!
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  #10  
May 8th, 2008, 10:25 AM
CyprusMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Cyprus
Posts: 1,287
I'm back!
Did some down time here at home with the kids and work on the house. We kept busy over their 2wk Easter vacation. They are back to school and I'm sooo tired. I was getting use to staying in bed until 8 instead of 6.

I'm also going through a midlife crises. Well I think so because I think too much these days about everything! The worst of it is that I just don't seem to know who I am anymore. I'm in the process of finding myself again and the going is tough. I have been feeling down way too much and I know it's not healthy. So I'm hoping to get myself on track again and maybe come out a better ME. So bear with me and hopfully it won't take a years

I'm so happy to hear everyone else is doing GREAT!!!
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  #11  
May 8th, 2008, 01:15 PM
T&Ts mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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hey Janice
its nice to see your post and boy i can relate

with me it seems everything is out of my control
my dd moving away and my son will be a senior in the fall
and im like ok then what Shelly and I get so blue
and for some weird reason my dh took turning 49 hard and he has been a handful
sometimes i just feel like crying stop the ride it is starting to suck
so hugs from me here in NY
Shelly
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  #12  
May 8th, 2008, 03:21 PM
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As you all know...or at least may know...I turned 50 this year. Now, I realize that most (if not all) of you have not quite reached that half century mark in your lives and I thought I would pass along the words of wisdom that got me through it...without too many tears!
First of all, it beats the alternative! Turning 50 or 49 or 40 or 70 or wherever you are is just another birthday in your life. It just doesn't matter! It doesn't change who you are or how you feel other than the fact that you're more aware that time is a limited item on our collective agendas. So let me turn 50...60...70...80...90...and beyond! I've learned to treasure the moments I have because I don't know how many more I will get!
Secondly, if you don't allow it to take over your every thought, you will realize that deep down inside, you still feel young. Yeah, some mornings we get up and feel creaky or stiff and there are mornings when I feel every day of 50 and then some. Yes, there are some things I simply cannot do anymore--staying up all night partying and going to work the next day comes to mind. 10pm rolls around and I feel like death warmed over! But deep down inside my heart, I still feel like a giggly 16 year old girl. Some would say it shows. I take that as a compliment.
Lastly, when it gets right down to it...who cares how old you are? It's what kind of person you are that matters. I have friends in their 80's and friends in their 20's...teens if you count my daughter. I love them because they're lovable people. They bring joy to my life and that joy does not diminish as they age. If anything, it increases as they become more valuable to me. Now I don't necessarily believe that with age comes wisdom, but there is something to be said for passing certain milestones in your life that changes how you view things. I remember when I was about 13 and I sat down and figured out how old I would be at the turn of the century. "42? Oh heck, I'll be too old to enjoy it by then! Might as well be dead!" Thankfully, God just smiled and probably muttered to himself how youth is wasted on the young. At any rate, I had an absolutely awesome New Year in 2000 and this past one with my new family was even better! I'm looking forward to the next and the next and the next as I know that with each passing one, I will treasure my bessings even more than I do already. Are there things I miss about being younger? Of course. I would have loved to have another baby with Tom but since I can't, I'll settle for all the grandchildren that 7 kids can possibly produce and shower them with love and encouragement until my dying day. I have wrinkles and saggy boobs but I am happier than I have ever been before so if it takes being 50 to be able to say that it is a small price indeed!
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  #13  
May 8th, 2008, 04:28 PM
T&Ts mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I most def feel young
I was taken back that hub had a hard time even mentioned the midlife crisis feeling
And he didnt like everyone calling him oldman
Age has never mattered to him until this birthday I was like ooooo shi*
But a week later he is getting back to him self ~some~
With him I really think it is dd and grandbabies moving
As for me no im not 50 yet but I really dont see me giving a rats As* hehe
Somedays I feel in my 20s sure the gray hair reminds me im not
But im as silly now as then
and I have a zest for life and being silly

great post Dani
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  #14  
May 9th, 2008, 11:34 PM
CyprusMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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THanks for the feedback! It makes me realize I'm not the only one

For me age is part of it and I thank God that I am still healthy enough to do something about it. I want to be around for my grandkids!! But not feeling so old I can't do anything with them. I see myself healthier and stronger. It's postive thinking but than I bring myself down when I can't seem to get myself moving in that direction, too many other things going on being a mom.

Right now we are going through some life issues, you know day in day out, and it mostly revolves around MONEY. Expenses have skyrocketed or seems to have since we changed over to the Euro.

Another issue that has peeved me is the way my dh could just come and go has he pleases (this I think was a big part of me being depressed). He gets out regularly to play tennis or football (soccer). If he wanted to go to a football game which is THE sport here he would just go. No worries. I'm here with the kids no problem. All of his female cousins work and have always worked (mom is home taking care of their kids). Go on a vacation no problem (grandma/grandpa taking care of the kids). Go to the supermarket alone (live-in help taking care of the kids and keeps house sparkling). My house is always messy and windows dirty. I don't have live-in help, my Mom or Dad or my family close by. I have wanted to raise my family together with dh like my parents did. Go on vacations together and enjoy each others company. How hard could it be? it's tough but my Mom got through it and I will to. It's just tough surrounded by people with help and still complaining or commenting on my messiness or disorganization. Well they think it's disorganized but it's my ORGANIZED mess So I am feeling better since I finally told my dh how I felt so at least he knows. I won't be keeping anything inside anymore with him. I ws keeping it inside because there was never the right time to talk. He would come home late and I would be tooo tired to discuss anything. Or in the AM kids surrounding us and pulling our attention away. So I have decided to let the kids see us argue (not shouting or fighting) and settle things. It has happened once so far and I noticed the kids backed away and let us 'discuss' and I feel better, my dh and I are closer and life is better. I still have to figure out who I am. I think it will get easier has the kids grow and get more independent???
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  #15  
May 11th, 2008, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
I still have to figure out who I am.[/b]
You know, I can SO relate to that statement! When I first separated from my ex, I realised that I had spent the past 22 years being who he wanted me to be and had forgotten who I was! I "tried on" a few things--went a little wild, did some stupid things that I won't get into here cause I'm frankly embarrassed that I did them... lol and basically reinvented myself. I think we all go through that at some point in our lives--usually when kids leave the nest is a biggie--because we as women tend to define ourselves by our roles and not by who we really are. When a role ends or changes, we're left with this "Who am I" feeling. That's what happened with me, anyway. I'd been Ed's wife and Michael, Steven and Tori's mom and was never just Dani. Suddenly half of my identity was missing because I was not Ed's wife anymore. I had moved and didn't know any of my neighbors anymore and was in a completely different setting than I was used to. In my mind, I was a non-person. As I tried on and discarded many different personality traits. I began to discover this person inside actually had opinions and comments (sometimes too many, I admit! lol) and people were listening to me and hearing me for probably the first time in my life! My parents never had...my ex certainly didn't...and all of the sudden, I felt valuable! I like the person I am now. I am by no means perfect, but that's ok. I no longer feel like I have to be. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can disagree with someone without risking losing that person. Before, I was a mirror of whomever I was speaking with...if they believed in this, so did I. If they felt that way, so did I. I don't do that anymore and I no longer pretend to understand or appreciate things I don't! That was a biggie with me. If someone started on politics--which I will tell you right now I know very little about nor am I interested in other than how it directly affects me and my family--I'd pretend to feel exactly the way they did. (I agree with you 100%" will get you into the category of "She is really smart" with a lot of people. LOL) Nobody ever noticed that I never expressed any opinions or actual reasons for feeling one way or the other...all they cared about was that I agreed with them.
So, this is me. I'm not brilliant, but I am not stupid either. I'm not gorgeous, but I am not ugly either. I'm not that well educated but I can carry on a conversation with someone even if my part of it is "What do you mean by that?" and what's more is I like who I am.
Sit down and list all of the traits that you like about yourself...your honesty, your empathy, your initiative, etc. Then list all the traits that you admire in other people. The ones that you CAN adopt, do so! ( you admire the way your friend volunteers all the time for different organizations--go sign up!) Obviously there are some traits you can't adopt...if you have no sense of humor, you can't suddenly become funny just because you want to but you can voice your appreciation for that in others. "I love your sense of humor! You always keep me laughing!" I think you'll find, as I did, that you really like the person you are once you start giving yourself credit for your good qualities and not focusing on negatives. I've battled depression before and I know all too well how difficult it is to pull out of on your own so if you really feel like it's becoming a problem, seek help! I was suicidal by the time I finally sought counseling and wound up spending the next 5 years in counseling and on anti-depressants. (I had some serious issues that hadn't ever been dealt with so I dealt with them finally!) It literally saved my life and frankly if I hadn't done that, I might never have had the courage to get out of a really bad marriage. At that point in time, the only thing that kept me from taking a bottle of pills was the knowledge that my kids would be the ones to find me. I have 4 cousins who went through that when they were young and I know the troubles they have to this day because of it.
You say that it bothers you that your DH goes and does whenever he wants. So, why don't you? Why can't you say "I need you to stay home Saturday and take care of the kids because Susie and I are going shopping"? I did the same thing you're doing. I let that resentment just boil inside me. When it came right down to it, I had never asked...he didn't know I wanted that. So basically, I was just pi**ed off at him for not reading my mind and volunteering to give me some time to myself. We ALL need "down time" and when you're a SAHM, you really need it because your job doesn't just go from 9 to 5, it goes from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I wonder what husbands would do if they had to work those hours???? No 2 weeks vacation either...you take your job with you on vacation! Every once in a while, they take pity on you and make dinner or something--usually leaving a bigger mess for you to clean up than there would be if you'd done it yourself. lol With my ex, when the kids were little I would take every other Saturday and one week in February (my birthday month). Those were MY times and I was not to be called unless it was a blood involving emergency! lol I'd go down to Vegas to visit my folks in February. Those days were a real treat for me and I would come back from whatever I did feeling rejuvenated. You NEED that!!!! It isn't a luxury...you're not being selfish. YOU NEED TIME OFF! Let him know that if he isn't going to pitch in and give you some time, you're going to start hiring a sitter one or two days a month and he can pay for someone else to do it. Think about it. If HE was working like that, wouldn't you be there telling him to take some time off and go relax? So, why are you so less worthy of that just because you don't leave the house every morning?
Anyway, I really hope things lighten up and I am glad you told your DH how you're feeling. And don't worry...you'll find yourself again. Right now, I think you're just buried under all that accumulated stress!
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