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  #1  
February 24th, 2012, 02:19 AM
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Maybe I'm overreacting and completely wrong... My roommate works nights (4-2am) and her bf is a sahd. Her daughter wakes up around 7 or 8am like most babies (she's 1), and will be put to naps on and off all day, then will be up all night once she gets home - instead of putting her to bed, she has the tv on with her in the living room - and since she's not getting all the attention she wants she will whine and cry so neither me or DF can get any sleep at night. It seems to me they have her on whatever sćedule is convenient for them and not what is best for the little girl. Am I wrong to be bothered by it?
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  #2  
February 24th, 2012, 04:50 AM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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You are not wrong to be annoyed that you guys cant get any sleep cos they dont give their daughter enough attention, but i'm afraid you are wrong to be bothered by their choice of sleep schedule. Its up to them, and if they are happy with that and it works for them, then i'm sorry, it doesnt really matter what you think.
In My opinion every mom does whats best for their child, and people judging them doesnt help matters. I'm sure you get judged because your child doesnt live with you, but that doesnt make it wrong. Its what works for you guys right now.

Sorry if that sounds harsh!
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  #3  
February 24th, 2012, 06:12 AM
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It's not about th timing of her schedule but the fact that they are always putting her to sleep so they don't have to deal with her and even when she's awake he never watches her half the time she wanders in my room and I end up watching her for 30 minutes or an hour during the day when I'm here. This is the same girl who I was concerned about not long ago because it seems like she's not getting a bath often enough - hands and feet visibly dirty, same clothes for a week. It's not a judgement it's a concern.
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  #4  
February 24th, 2012, 06:39 AM
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if its that much of a concern then perhaps a call to child services?
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  #5  
February 24th, 2012, 06:58 AM
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I agree with Kristy .. if her care is that concerning to you perhaps it's time to get the authorities involved.

I also agree with Robyn .. It's not really up to you to say what kind of schedule she should be on as you're not her parent. That's one thing about sharing a place with another family .. The likelihood your schedules, beliefs, mannerisms, etc. won't clash are very, very slim.
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  #6  
February 24th, 2012, 07:10 AM
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If the mom works nights, perhaps she is just spending time with her daughter whenever she can. I understand that you are frustrated with losing sleep, but it sounds like you and your DF should be looking for a new place to live...alone. Roommates and babies don't really mix.
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  #7  
February 24th, 2012, 08:41 AM
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I have to agree with Robyn.

I've actually known several families to adjust schedules to fit their lifestyle. Sometimes, for THEM, it means having a kiddo up very late.. and then maybe that child sleeps later than the average one into the morning. Would I do it? Probably not. But I know people do. Typically, they get out of that routine eventually.. because that doesn't work once child enters school. But at 1 years old? Eh. They'll adapt.

When you have a roommate, you just need to accept it. Your lifestyles are not the same. If they are not taking CARE of child, I would concerned. If you just don't like her sleep schedule, and it's not yours... that's not a concern
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  #8  
February 24th, 2012, 11:23 AM
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Are you sure they dont keep putting her to sleep during the day because she is up all night? alot of one year olds dont sleep through the night, so maybe its the same thing, except during the day. And if she wanders into your room and you arent happy with it then say something. Tbh it sounds to me like the boyfriend doesnt think its an issue and thats why he doesnt correct her or come get her.

As said above, if its that much of a concern to you then phone social services or move out.
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  #10  
February 24th, 2012, 02:37 PM
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ugh roomates...i had one and she/her dh were a nightmare...they were so bad they turned me off from ever having one again. id tell the dh you dont want their child in your room. as for the sleeping thing there osnt much you can do probably except accept it or move good luck!
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  #11  
February 25th, 2012, 06:54 AM
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Like I said in my second post, it's not about the sleep schedule but the fact that they are forcing her to sleep all day - not a few naps throughout the day - she wakes up, happy as can be, and they force her to go to sleep so they can, in her words "straighten her hair" or go on the computer. When I was working in 2010 this girl was watching my son, and he woke up at 7-8am and as soon as he did she gave him a bottle to put him back to sleep and would try it everytime he woke up so she could sleep while she was watching him - which is why when I found out I found someone else to watch him. I said several times it wasn't a judgement, and I really don't like what I say being twisted even when I clarify it. That little girl is like a niece to me, and I'm pretty sure if your niece was in that situation you wouldn't just accept it if you were concerned, you would say something.

I've always felt this board was a place to be comfortable going to, not have to worry about being judged myself - for those of you who didn't thank you, and y'all are the reasons I HAVE come back.

On a lighter note, we are moving, but not able to until April 10th when the apartment is available. I won't have to see what's going on anymore, but I do hope she starts taking care of her child - that baby is starting to smell as bad as the two of them and their room do (that room literally smells like something died). If I visit them a month or so after I move (they would be moving to a smaller apartment at that point) and it's still like that, then yes maybe the only other option IS to call CPS, but I hope it doesn't come to that.
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  #12  
February 25th, 2012, 10:29 AM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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I'm sorry cassie, i feel i should let this go as not to cause drama, but I cant. You came here and posted a topic purely about this little girls sleep schedule.

Quote:
Maybe I'm overreacting and completely wrong... My roommate works nights (4-2am) and her bf is a sahd. Her daughter wakes up around 7 or 8am like most babies (she's 1), and will be put to naps on and off all day, then will be up all night once she gets home - instead of putting her to bed, she has the tv on with her in the living room - and since she's not getting all the attention she wants she will whine and cry so neither me or DF can get any sleep at night. It seems to me they have her on whatever sćedule is convenient for them and not what is best for the little girl. Am I wrong to be bothered by it?
Not once did you mention any other concerns. We responded based on the facts you gave us. If we are twisting whats actually going on then thats not our fault. I'm sorry you didnt get the replies you wanted. I'm sure all of us would be happy to give you some support and advice if you gave us all the facts.
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  #13  
February 25th, 2012, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2xander View Post
I said several times it wasn't a judgement, and I really don't like what I say being twisted even when I clarify it. That little girl is like a niece to me, and I'm pretty sure if your niece was in that situation you wouldn't just accept it if you were concerned, you would say something.
It seems to me you didn't really want opinions on whether or not your need to say something was reasonable as you originally posted. What you really wanted was confirmation that you should say something and most of us agree that in this situation, unless the child is in danger of being neglected or abused (which you keep alluding to) that it otherwise falls under parental discretion and not anything that you have a right to say anything about. It may not be the best situation, but since you know you're moving at least you only have to deal with it for a little while longer. If there is abuse or neglect, I would hope that you would report it sooner rather than later since that is something that shouldn't be tolerated for any amount of time.
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  #14  
February 25th, 2012, 05:17 PM
3OhioBoys's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2xander View Post
Maybe I'm overreacting and completely wrong... My roommate works nights (4-2am) and her bf is a sahd. Her daughter wakes up around 7 or 8am like most babies (she's 1), and will be put to naps on and off all day, then will be up all night once she gets home - instead of putting her to bed, she has the tv on with her in the living room - and since she's not getting all the attention she wants she will whine and cry so neither me or DF can get any sleep at night. It seems to me they have her on whatever sćedule is convenient for them and not what is best for the little girl. Am I wrong to be bothered by it?

Sorry if this has already been said, not taking the time to read through posts.

Are you wrong to be bothered by it... eh... IDK. It is just part of the down side to roommates. Sounds to me like the mom has the baby on a schedule that helps her spend time with baby and then they try to sleep more during the day. It's what works for them as a family in order for them to get one on one time, and that is not necessarily bad or unhealthy for the child.


ETA: after rereading what I posted I need to change the last line to say: It's what works for them as a family in order for them to get one on one time, and that is what is best and most healthy for a child, time with their parents.
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Last edited by 3OhioBoys; February 25th, 2012 at 05:33 PM.
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  #15  
February 26th, 2012, 09:37 AM
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I don't think it was mentioned in this post, but the original post about my concern with her bathing included it. When either my friend or her boyfriend are with her, they are on the computer or watching tv while she mostly entertains herself. How is that healthy quality time? It was mostly a vent because it frustrates me to see a child who while I feel awful with morning sickness I have to watch because her mother who didn't work yesterday and doesn't today sleeps until 12pm or 1pm. Sorry but I'm not going to leave her in that filthy room crawling around or to go without eating until noon. That's ridiculous. I'm not sitting back judging, I'm concerned and yes frustrated.
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  #16  
February 26th, 2012, 10:35 AM
3OhioBoys's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Originally Posted by mom2xander View Post
I don't think it was mentioned in this post, but the original post about my concern with her bathing included it. When either my friend or her boyfriend are with her, they are on the computer or watching tv while she mostly entertains herself. How is that healthy quality time? It was mostly a vent because it frustrates me to see a child who while I feel awful with morning sickness I have to watch because her mother who didn't work yesterday and doesn't today sleeps until 12pm or 1pm. Sorry but I'm not going to leave her in that filthy room crawling around or to go without eating until noon. That's ridiculous. I'm not sitting back judging, I'm concerned and yes frustrated.

It sure looks like judgment to me. You come here and complain and gossip about your "friend" when what you should be doing is talk to her about it or call the authorities. Instead you came here and vented about something that is really none of any of our business and you keep stirring the pot instead of letting the topic just go away.
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  #17  
February 26th, 2012, 10:36 AM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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If things are that bad cassie, then either speak to them about your concerns, or phone social services.

I will ask tho, is the childs mother ok? mentally i mean? does she have much support around her, family friends etc? I know that sometimes when i feel very drained and i havent had a break in a while, i get more and more distant from the kids. Then i get my mom to take them for a few hours and i feel alot better. Maybe your friend just needs a bit of a break, spend some time with her boyfriend?

Maybe you could suggest to her that things seem to be getting on top of her with the state of her room and how she doesnt seem to be doing much with her dd etc and you could babysit for a few hours while they go get a coffee or something. It sounds like you guys are more than just roommates if the girl is like a niece to you, so maybe it would be a big help to them as a family.
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  #18  
February 26th, 2012, 10:51 AM
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It sounds to me like you're concerned with her overall well-being which is never wrong when it comes to children. However, honestly, if you're seriously that concerned it seems that you should be contacting CPS instead of "picking up the slack" so to speak and getting frustrated and complaining about it. Why wait until you move out to do anything about it? If something is going on to where the little girls well-being is in jeopardy, you should want to make sure those responsible are reprimanded for it. If that means getting CPS involved and having them get on top of the parents, then that's what needs to happen.

If you still for some reason have a problem contacting the authorities then you need to at least have a pretty straight forward one on one talk with them and express your concerns.

Otherwise, it kind of seems like one of those "don't put yourself in the situation if you don't want to deal with it" kinds of things to me. If you're going to keep taking care of her for them they're going to keep expecting you to do it. No, you don't have to let the poor thing starve or anything so dramatic, but like I said, there are other alternatives. It's not just all on you.
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  #19  
February 26th, 2012, 03:14 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
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yes you are totally making it sound like shes being neglected....then you get mad at everyone for stating their opinions on the matter?? no one once was being judgmental....if you want a certain answer then dont come to a message board asking for responses cause you are more than likely going to get many different types of responses that you probably wont like.....i said it before if this child is being neglected CALL CPS!!!!! seriously its not that hard....honestly i dont even know if i believe this story you are telling anyways....cause if i was in this situation and i was seeing this girl obviously being neglected coming on a message board and griping about it would be the LAST thing i did.....
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  #20  
February 26th, 2012, 08:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2xander View Post
I don't think it was mentioned in this post, but the original post about my concern with her bathing included it. When either my friend or her boyfriend are with her, they are on the computer or watching tv while she mostly entertains herself. How is that healthy quality time? It was mostly a vent because it frustrates me to see a child who while I feel awful with morning sickness I have to watch because her mother who didn't work yesterday and doesn't today sleeps until 12pm or 1pm. Sorry but I'm not going to leave her in that filthy room crawling around or to go without eating until noon. That's ridiculous. I'm not sitting back judging, I'm concerned and yes frustrated.
I fail to see why this continues to need re-hashing and clarification. We've said over and over that if there is abuse or neglect (which you continue to talk about) that you should report it. Otherwise, you're allowing (and helping) it to continue. I don't know how much more plainly it can be said. Other than that, you're not helping anyone and certainly not this child who you claim to care so much about. l I'm done trying to convince you to do the right thing which seems so clear to so many of us and so completely confusing to you.

It makes me sad that you'd rather defend yourself and attempt to convince us that this child is being neglected rather than take the action necessary to make it stop. If you are not taking action because it is not as bad as you've made it seem, I beg you to please stop posting about it because to those of us reading that a child is being treated poorly, it is utterly heartbreaking.
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