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With DD, BF did not happen due to many reasons and she was FF.
With DS, I exclusively BF for 18m.
With Gavin, it has not been right since the beginning and everyday it is just further and further from happening.
He barely ate for the first 3 days. He is tongue tied pretty severely. DD was too. I have been supplementing because I took him to see some LCs last week and they weighed him for me. He lost a little under a pound since he was born and he was starting to develop jaundice. The LCs were concerned because he was lethargic and yellowish. I knew he was not eating right and that day when we got up, he was more yellow that is why I took him in. His DR apt was not until Friday.
So they had me start supplementing formula. I was very upset to do that, but I also felt so terrible that my son was starving and I had not idea. He never acted like he was hungry. WIC loaned me a hospital grade pump, but it is not like pumping works well for me.
He only nurses off one side (my right). I have been pumping the other side. Friday, I woke up with a fever (101) and being that I just had a c/s, I called my OB office and let them know. My incision looks great with no infection, but it could have been on the inside. They wanted me to go to the ER. I was struggling with the decision to go because DH had to drive me there since I am not allowed to drive yet and we would probably miss Gavin's apt since the ER is over and hour away from Gavin's Pedi. So of course, I decided that I should go to the ER just in case it was linked to my surgery and I wouldn't do anybody any good in the hospital with an infection. So I go and they go all dracula on my ***. I get swabs in all my crevices and they can't find anything and gave me antibiotics just in case.
Meanwhile, I miss Gavin's apt. Everyday, my supply is getting less and less. Everyday, my chances of feeding Gavin the way I want is dwindling.
I still have to get him in to the Pedi to get a referral to go to a specialist to clip his fennulum under his tongue.
I hate the pressure sometimes and I feel so ****** for starving him and now not BF him. It kills me everytime I put formula into his mouth. Every day he is eating more and more formula and I just can't keep up. I have never had a good "milking" with a pump with any kid. I don't want to dry up, I just don't know what to do or think and I am so distraught over this.
People say with enough work it can happen. Um, I feel like I have so much working against me with everything already and then I do have 2 older kids and a house that needs taken care of. I can't just BF and pump all day. I am so down.
I am also struggling with the fact we are done having kids. I know that is what is best for us, but it is hard to accept.
I hate when things don't happen like you plan. This being my 4th baby and after one dieing, you would think I could just be happy he is hear, but I am not. I am soo in love with him, but I hate the circumstances.
If you read thru that, Thanks for listening. I really feel alone right now. DH is doing as much as he can, my friends are pressuring me more than I want them to. I know BF is best and I know it is important for both of our health, which is why I feel so strong about it. I don't need that **** right now. I need support.
I am so sorry you are struggling! I have been there only a few months ago. I know totally what you are going though. Just remember some of it is hormones as well and the huge crash that happens after birth.
My advice would be this- if bf is important to you, try to keep at it. For me and my daughter, that meant offering both breasts first, and then offering 2-3 (sometimes 4) oz of formula in a bottle. At every single feeding. Eventually, after about 5-6 weeks, she started to refuse the formula. I guess because my supply was up enough.
Also I think getting his tongue clipped will help as well with him breastfeeding.
If, you decide that bfeeding is just causing too much stress, don't feel guilty for switching to formula. You have a lot on your shoulders. When bubs is 5 no one will know if he was formula fed or breastfed.
Hugs mama. Just do the best you can, cry as much as you need to, and remember it will get so much better.
Proud mama to:
Avery Elizabeth (08/27/2011) & Dawsyn Brielle (10/29/2013)
I have been in your shoes. After Bfing #2 so well and then #3 seemed doomed from the start... I was also very sad. I ended up FF and he did so well and I was so happy to know that. I am still a little sad about it but I did what was best at the time. That doesn't make me a bad mom for not BFing.
I am sorry things are not working as you hoped. I would give it a little more time, as much BFing as he can. And maybe you guys will get there. But if you don't, that is okay too.
Huge hugs. It sucks when things don't go as you want them.
I really hope you keep at the feeding/pumping until you get his tongue tie clipped. That really can make SUCH a difference in how nursing can go.