[lapoema]

You know when you come across people online or in real life, who have crap to say about stay at home moms/wives... there are some ugly attitudes towards traditional minded women out there. I've found those comments cut me deep and it's hard to get over them. How do they affect you? Do they bother you? How do you deal with those attitudes?

[LoveMySonshine]

I just ignore it usually. What gets to me is the negative comments about moms who work outside the home. I am typically that mom and just because I work (when I do) does not mean that I'm an awful parent, which some seem to love to imply. I won't get on that soapbox right now though.

[*Kiliki*]

well I for one have been both the working mom and the stay at home mom....and so i just tend to ignore the stupid comments about how easy being a sahm is...or other such comments cause i know both situations....they are both equally hard and draining....or i just remind them that i have been in both positions and there is no easier or harder position....its whatever works best for your family...personally and financially...

[Fluffy Baby]

I don't usually come across these types of people. I also do not stay at home because I am "traditional" either. I believe having at least 1 parent constant is the best thing for them. I dont need to work a job just to pay daycare. I am also going to school. Once my kids are in school, I will probably join the work force again because DH and I want more for our kids than we have now. We want to buy a home one day, but when our kids are older.

[Banned-HPnerd]

Well, I am a SAHM but I'm in a same sex relationship so not exactly considered traditional. I have gotten disgusting bigoted comments but I just let them fall of my back. Not my fault they are uneducated and closed minded. I know it can be hard to ignore but do what you want with your life and don't let anyone elses comments get you down!

[TheOnlyPink]

for me, i'm at home because i cannot afford childcare. If people make comments about me going to work, i politely ask if they would like to contribute to the massive childcare costs. it usually shuts them up!

While some days i would love to go to work, i also feel that my work at home is far more worthwhile. It ensures my children are raised my way. I think daycare has its own pros, but for my children, the best place for them is home with me.

Its hard to have confidence in your choice to stay at home, especially when people are so negative towards you. maybe you could make a list of the pros of being home and when you feel down because of those negative comments you can have a browse through and it will help you feel more confident in your role?

I'm sorry if this is a personal question, but does your significant other support you in your role as a sahm?
Also, is it just being a sahm that recieves negativity or do you have other "traditional" views that people dont understand?

[stresswife]

usually I only get comments from people who think I'm a lazy gold digger, but most women who have husbands in the oilfield get that, I just tell em, if they think my life is so easy, they can come do it!
I'm a SAHM because that is whats best for OUR family, I don't judge other families because I'm sure they are doing what they feel is best for THEIR family..

[youngwoman]

I've been on both sides as well - I worked full-time up until Leah was 2 - and just in my own experience, I've seen more backlash against working moms. Maybe it's living in the South and folks are pretty conservative and traditional here, I don't know. Either way, I wish people would understand that every family is different and most families are doing what's best in their situation.

[acupofjoe]

i ignore it. imo i think a lot of those people are jealous to be honest.

[lnj5duke]

I actually can't remember ever getting comments from people. I think my dad was the least supportive about my leaving work, but mostly because he was concerned that I'd go crazy staying at home. What he didn't realize was that for me, it was too much to do two things, because I always felt like I wasn't good enough at EITHER thing. Now I feel like I can do a good job, because I'm not trying to split my time so much .

The few people that I have come across that do this I know ignore. I was getting crap about the fact that I would be a SAHM when I was pregnant. Like, why do people care anyways?! But when people "complain" and or "question" the way I live I just take it as they are jealous and at the end of the day I can go home to the life I love and move on.

[-Bailey-]

I haven't gotten too much negativity yet. I have had multiple people tell me I would hate it after awhile and be bored. But I hate working. Me and people do not get along, I'm perfectly fine sitting at home doing 'nothing' 99% of the time. And I'm lucky enough to be marrying a good ol southern boy with a traditional view just like mine.

And child care is ridiculous here. They are all only open exactly eight hours so I couldn't work a full shift. And all my money and then some would pay for daycare. The in home...ahem...'daycares' that are cheaper than that are all Spanish speaking ladies, and if I can't even communicate with you why would I let you watch my kid?

Any negative comments just get brushed off. We are doing what is best for us, if either me or DF were unhappy with the situation we would figure something else out.

[Mom2#1Drakester]

I have to agree with the jealousy idea. I know when my SIL started to stay home and I had no kids yet that the things I said were only out of jealousy LOL.

[Lady Lotus]

I ignore most of them, usually rolling my eyes as I do.

The only ones that irritate me and make me grumble or post a comment(cuz I dont hear bad comments in real life really) are the ones that say we who stay home arent as intelligent as those who work. Like our brain dies when we stop working or something. I find those types of remarks as unintelligent and they think we sahms are.

[Buggymom]

Luckily, I have had anyone say anything to me personally. I've heard things on tv and read things; but, it doesn't bother me. Most people I talk to think it's great. For some reason I do get slightly irritated when people ask me if I'm going back to work when Kayley starts kindergarten. For one, it's from 9:05-11:30, that's not enough time. Secondly, I WANT to be home with her! In the future if I get bored or something maybe I'll do something part time....that's my business though. It's not like were rich either, we live check to check and it's ok. Sacrifices are made! It's a family decision.

[alanahs_mama]

I just chalk it up to jealousy. I've never had anyone flat out say anything to me, but if they did I'd just be truthful with them-we don't have anyone to watch our daughter so I could go back to work. I wouldn't hire someone I don't know to watch my daughter, so until she's in school full time I'm a stay at home mom til then.

[lapoema]

Originally Posted by TheOnlyPink

for me, i'm at home because i cannot afford childcare. If people make comments about me going to work, i politely ask if they would like to contribute to the massive childcare costs. it usually shuts them up!

While some days i would love to go to work, i also feel that my work at home is far more worthwhile. It ensures my children are raised my way. I think daycare has its own pros, but for my children, the best place for them is home with me.

Its hard to have confidence in your choice to stay at home, especially when people are so negative towards you. maybe you could make a list of the pros of being home and when you feel down because of those negative comments you can have a browse through and it will help you feel more confident in your role?

I'm sorry if this is a personal question, but does your significant other support you in your role as a sahm?
Also, is it just being a sahm that recieves negativity or do you have other "traditional" views that people dont understand?

No, no crazy "traditional" views, (I guess that was the wrong word, seems like people balk at the word "traditional") but I'm just a normal SAHM. My hubby likes it that way, and my inlaws and parents support me. I get crap from my stupid rich uncles, both of whom have no kids and broken marriages. Also, I read a lot of stuff online from women and men who really look down on stay at home moms. There are some ugly attitudes out there. I dunno, maybe I am too much of a people pleaser but it really bothers me. Maybe deep down I wouldn't mind working, but it's just not feasible for our family right now (daycare costs, time, etc).... It's just what's working for us at the moment, and I'm happy enough, so why can't people just mind their own business?

[alanahs_mama]

If I could +1 this I definitely would. I also liked what you quoted as well. I mentioned earlier that no one had ever really said anything to me...but that is wrong now, had a falling out with a friend or should I say EX friend and she had the nerve to say the following: "you could work if you wanted to, but I don't know why you don't"

That EX friend knows our situation. She knows my husband is in school from 8am-3pm and afterwards he goes to his dad's shop to help out around there and try to sell cars. He is there from 3:30pm til 6 or 7pm the latest. If I could work, who's gonna pay for the child care while I am at work because all the money he makes from his dad goes to pay the bills so there isn't much left at the end of the day. It really ticked me off when she brought that up knowing dang well I can't change anything yet. Once my husband graduates from school I'll know where he is working if he finds a job and I'll work the opposite shift so someone is home with our daughter 24/7. Childcare is outrageous at the centers around here or anywhere else.

People are just too nosy for their own good and should mind their own dang business like ya said. I found out next year (2013) my daughters Kindergarten is full time!! So I'll be back in the working field soon (yay)

Originally Posted by lapoema

No, no crazy "traditional" views, (I guess that was the wrong word, seems like people balk at the word "traditional") but I'm just a normal SAHM. My hubby likes it that way, and my inlaws and parents support me. I get crap from my stupid rich uncles, both of whom have no kids and broken marriages. Also, I read a lot of stuff online from women and men who really look down on stay at home moms. There are some ugly attitudes out there. I dunno, maybe I am too much of a people pleaser but it really bothers me. Maybe deep down I wouldn't mind working, but it's just not feasible for our family right now (daycare costs, time, etc).... It's just what's working for us at the moment, and I'm happy enough, so why can't people just mind their own business?