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Dealing with Gender Disappointment


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  • 2 Post By Jumpinjaxx

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  #1  
February 25th, 2010, 04:26 PM
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Quote:
Perhaps you wanted a boy but you’re having a girl; or maybe you’ve always dreamed of a girl but you’re having a boy… Either way, if your baby is not what you had expected and you’re feeling a little disappointed, you’re not alone. Gender disappointment is surprisingly common and yet is often considered a taboo topic of conversation.
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  #2  
February 25th, 2010, 04:26 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
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I doubt many women get "gender disappointment" if they choose to wait until the child is born to find out the sex. How could you ever be disappointed, holding that precious baby in your arms? (A few would probably be, but wouldn't that be more like post-partum depression?) But from an ultrasound, I could easily see it happening.
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  #3  
March 3rd, 2010, 06:26 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: south eastern Mass
Posts: 13,088
this is certainly topical for me as I am pregnant with my second- and last- child and really want a second girl. I will be finding out the gender next week. I wish I was "strong" enough to wait, but some reason I just have to know.
All my friends and family are saying boy...we will see soon I guess!
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  #4  
March 8th, 2010, 12:13 PM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 42,367
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Great feedback all around! I think it's naturally for anyone to feel at least a pang of gender disappointment - there is so much focus built into "boy or girl" until you find out, whether it's at birth or via ultrasound.
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  #5  
March 15th, 2010, 08:03 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: pennsylvania
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I just found out today that I was having a baby boy and I have tried now 3 times to have a baby girl and omg it hurts so bad when they tell you that you are having a baby of the gender you are not really wanting, but deep in our hearts we know we will love to death when it is born, but it is the intial impact of being told the gender in which you didnt want to hear is what hurts so bad but for short period of time thank goodness
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  #6  
April 27th, 2010, 04:22 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I had a baby gilr last year and she passed away. Im pregnant again and im dying to find out the sex. Im really hoping for a girl, i think im going to be a bit disapointed but hopefully not so much !
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  #7  
July 10th, 2010, 08:37 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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I found out yesterday I'm having my 3rd boy. I was really hoping for my first girl. I cried my eyes out. Knowing my fiancée wanted to stop having children after this one. Now I fear I will never get my by girl.
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  #8  
July 14th, 2010, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teemami7388 View Post
I found out yesterday I'm having my 3rd boy. I was really hoping for my first girl. I cried my eyes out. Knowing my fiancée wanted to stop having children after this one. Now I fear I will never get my by girl.
I had male quadruplets and I was hoping for opposite sex multiples the whole time I was pregnant.
But when I saw them after they were born and how adorable they were, I forgot about my gender preference. Im sure you will to.
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  #9  
August 19th, 2010, 02:35 AM
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Hi, Never been on here before, but found this topic interesting. We found out this week we are having our 4th daughter. I feel for my Husband, I can only imagine your disappointment. I think I would keep going but, We came back high risk for Downs Syndrome with this one, had an amnio etc, all is fine but there is definately an element of disappointment for My Husband. Keep trying, You never know...x
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  #10  
September 21st, 2010, 08:08 AM
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I am expecting my 4th son. It was a big disappointment to find out that our expecting bundle of joy is gonna be another boy. We were really hoping to have a daughter. I cried all day when I found out and then I realized God wants us to have this little boy in our family. I will not stop wanting a daughter I just pray that God will find us worthy to bless us with a daughter.
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  #11  
October 8th, 2010, 08:16 AM
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I just found out I am having my 3rd son. I'm not disappointed but I think my husband is a bit. He said he really had always wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle. I thought that was so sweet. He only wants 3 kids though but I'd have another one in a heartbeat even though we'd probably get another BOY! I doubt he'd go for it because there just isn't any guarantee. This pregnancy has been a very difficult one for us as I have a large SCH and I am just hoping and praying that this baby boy makes it. When there is complications, the sex really doesn't matter. It just puts things into perspective. Just pray for healthy babes.
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  #12  
March 3rd, 2011, 04:11 PM
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I am having baby no3 (my last) I have two girls already, I would love to have a son and when I found out I was preg all I thought about was having a Boy I got so anxious and had anxiety attacks over it for the first 2 months...Until something personal happened to me and everything changed for me including my way of thinking all I think about now is a HEALTHY baby..I am so glad that I feel this way now because I am more relaxed and feel good. I do understand what women go through regarding gender disappointment but please its all in the mind if you can change your way of thinking or otherwise your thoughts will eat you up mentally and it will effect your health, please please be happy with a healthy blessed baby!!
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  #13  
March 24th, 2011, 07:26 PM
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I grew up always wanting a boy first-thinking somehow they would be easier and less complicated to raise (I clashed with my mom a lot as a teenager). Ever since marrying my husband (who wants twin girls so badly) and having many friends with little girls and dressing them up so cutely, I am dying to have another female in the house. I have even told people to start praying its a girl-I feel bad, because I will love the baby-but I feel sorta entitled to having a preference! I just hope I'm not setting myself up for major disappointment.
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  #14  
April 18th, 2011, 07:41 AM
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In a way I am happy I found this article because this way I know I was not the only one. I decided I wanted to know what I was having second time around as my heart and my mind were set on a little girl (my first one is a boy). I was disappointed to find out that it was a boy, and I guess this feeling lasted for about a week....after than I got very, very excited and just had fun picking out names and going through the clothes I already had to see which ones we can reuse....I told everyone I was having a little boy.... But then, two weeks after finding out, I had a miscarriage and I can't even begin to tell how upset I was with myself, the guilt I felt because I was initially disappointed it was a boy. I would do ANYTHING to be able to take that moment away and to be looking forward to holding my little one in my arms. If I am lucky enough to be given a second chance, I highly doubt that I will want to find out what I am having!
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  #15  
July 5th, 2011, 06:13 PM
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well since this is my first pregnancy... my dream has been to want a little smart football star... but not till the near future tho but since i'm preg. i would love a boy if i have a girl i will be disappointed but will have to live with it and be happy with mommy's little future academic honors baby i hope i do get a boy tho
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  #16  
August 6th, 2012, 08:43 AM
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Hopefully people would get over their disappointment quickly. My husband and I would be happy to have any babies at this point. We've been trying for four years and are on the waitlist for a fertility clinic and are looking at 8-12 months wait before we'll be able to start trying through that method. Even if I do get pregnant I'm at risk to have miscarriages and IVF isn't guaranteed and it's expensive.. A friend of mine had to try it three times before getting pregnant.

Count your blessings that you have the children you have.
SaharaRhea and ShanonO like this.
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  #17  
September 1st, 2012, 11:47 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: butte
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I found out Im having a 2nd boy and I had my heart and soul set on having a girl for my second child. I'm still very upset about it but im happy that I can create babies because I know some women cannot have them or they have been trying for years with no luck. Me and my husband have talked about having 1 more baby is 5-10 yrs from now so i know I get one more chance at having my baby girl . But don't get me wrong Im so happy to be having another son so my 1st born will have a playmate (: Im due December 2, 2012
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  #18  
September 4th, 2012, 10:03 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I am 15 weeks, had my 12 week scan, they cannot tell the sex until my next scan in October, feels ages away. I am desperate to know. My partner already has a son and has made it clear he wants a boy, for his son to play with. I would love a little girl. Anyone in same boat?
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  #19  
October 22nd, 2012, 09:49 AM
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i don't know really where to start, this is the first time i have written on a forum. I'm 27 weeks today, due in January. I already have a gorgeous 2 year old son and at my 20 week scan found we were having another boy. I was heartbroken and still am. I long for a daughter. It consumes my thoughts 24/7 it seems, i look at every baby i see to see what sex they are. I look at families and see 2 sisters or a family with one of each and wonder why not me? I also found out today that my best friend is having another girl, her first is also 2 years old. She had her wishes for 2 daughters granted yet i can't even have one. My husband is fully aware of how i feel and to a certain extent feels similar as also had his heart set on a littel girl. (he already has one of each from his previous relationship, they are 12 and 8) i'm hoping that by writing this all down it will help and i will start to feel better about things and look forward to the birth of my 2nd son. I have tried looking at ways of coping with this online yet can't see anything, only advice is that i will feel better when he arrives but what if i don't? Please help. xx
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  #20  
September 20th, 2013, 01:27 AM
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