[Banned-ZoesMom]

I'm going to ask him to schedule a hysterectomy. I am perfectly happy as the mother of one very beautiful daughter and two wonderful angels. I'm proud of that. I am proud that I was able to accomplish having one child, and I love my angels regardless of whether they're here or not. I'm just so scared of conceving andd miscarrying again. I can't emotionally handle it happening again. I'm also in constant pain and run a home child care. Those kids need me as their provider, and Zoe needs me as her mom, and I can't be that person to the extent that I want if I'm in constant pain. I don't want to try the birth control, but I'm going to anyway. At least it'll prevent me from becoming pregnant before I get my hysterectomy. I'm being selfish by wanting to have another child to give Zoe a brother or sister, and to make myself feel better as a mother. It's unfair to Zoe and unfair to my angels. I can't be selfish anymore.

Also, every month that we baby dance and it doesn't happen, it's just another disappointment that shoves me further into a depressive mode that I can no longer be in. So, as much as I don't want a hysterectomy, I think it's for the best.

I wish you all lots of baby dust, sticky dust, BFP dust, all kinds of dust, and to those who are pregnant and will be pregnant, a HH9M.

[Danica]

Brandi, I can see this is a struggle and a very hard decision. I don't want to persuade you to do anything else and I do support your decision. The only thing that I would suggest is to maybe take a little more time to make sure it is a decision you would still be happy with in the years to come. Maybe go on bc for a few months to take the ttc stress away and then over the next couple months make your final decision. Please don't take that the wrong way, I just want you to be happy in the long run. Either way I support you and wish you the best! Only you know the right and perfect choice for you and your family.

[Banned-ZoesMom]

I am definitely going to take the birth control. My period is due on April 3rd. Zoe found the pills that my doctor gave me and lost a pack of them, and I can't find them anywhere, so maybe if this wasn't a final decision, it could work to my advantage. But I'm just so scared of losing another child. I can't emotionally handle it. I do want a hysterectomy, so I can focus on my family and the kids in my child care, but I don't want it right now. But the pain from both the endometriosis and the constant disappointment of AF every month, I don't think I can do it anymore. I would love to have another child and planned on having a hysterectomy after a second child, but I am perfectly happy with just Zoe.

Maybe it's just my pre-period hormones making me think this right now, I don't know, but a hysterectomy is definitely something that I will be doing sooner or later. Also, I've had two out of three of the readings so far come back with August BFP dates, but August just seems so far off and that is heartbreaking. I want it now. I'm still waiting on Cheri. She said she'd answer by April 2.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

Brandi, I can see this is a struggle and a very hard decision. I don't want to persuade you to do anything else and I do support your decision. The only thing that I would suggest is to maybe take a little more time to make sure it is a decision you would still be happy with in the years to come. Maybe go on bc for a few months to take the ttc stress away and then over the next couple months make your final decision. Please don't take that the wrong way, I just want you to be happy in the long run. Either way I support you and wish you the best! Only you know the right and perfect choice for you and your family. [/b]

Whatever you decide, I will be here for you!

I agree, whatever you decide, we're here. And also as stated, take a bit of time to think things over. I don't feel that you're being selfish for wanting a brother or sister for Zoe.

I get scared too now, scared everytime I go to the bathroom, everytime my pants feel damp, or every cramp. But I try to push those feelings aside the best I can so that I can have some sanity in this pregnancy. I have 2 children but my heart longed to have this 3rd child.

My hubby and I have been trying since Aug 4, 2006 and we finally quit trying 2 months ago. We too were tired of the heartache of not getting pregnant and so we stopped. No over-analyzing cm, no testing, no temps. I can't even tell you when I o'd and I don't even remember what days we made love. So I don't even really know my due date.

I have brought this up before, but I feel as though I had to become Adam. God put Adam to sleep because he so desired a woman to keep him company, that's all he thought about and it wasn't happening of course. So God put him to sleep and when he awoke, he saw Eve.

If having another baby is what you desire, don't go through with the hysterectomy. Only if you are 100% sure that you don't desire another, then you do it. I had thought the same thing because if I had the surgery done, I knew I could no longer have my hopes shot down. I'm so happy I didn't and I thank God for every day that I am pregnant.

Put your worries in God's hands and He will guide through this rough time. He is by your side even when you think you may not need Him. I apologize if you're not a Christian and hope I haven't offended you at all.

Just know that you are thought of.

[katiegirl]

I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible. It there anything else they can do besides BCP to help with the pain.

It is all a personal decision on your part and you will have our full support.
I was just wondering if there is something more they can do that is not so permanent.

Good Luck!

[Banned-ZoesMom]

The birth control was supposed to be for 84 days starting on the first day of my next period. He wants me to take it in such a way that I would stop my periods, and I'm not comfortable with that. When we do want to try after the BCP, I'd like to have a normal cycle, so I know that the actual first day of my last period wasn't April something, y'know? I'd like to have a regular cycle, not an irregular one. I've pretty much been irregular since October since I had two miscarriages, then a surgery. My last period was a day late, so it's like my body is just starting to straighten out and now I have to screw it up again with birth control, and God knows when I'll start my period again if I go on it and it reaches the desired effect.

I'm just so confused. I know that I definitely will have a hysterectomy..I just don't know when. While the desire is still there to try for that second child, the fear of another loss haunts me to the point where I'd be willing to do something so drastic that prevents another pregnancy, therefore preventing another loss.

If it came to it, I'd be perfectly happy with Zoe. I'm just so sick of trying only to be disappointed every month. I just hope that Jenny and Brooke will be right, and we'll see what Cheri says too. If nothing happens by October, I'll definitely be asking for the hysterectomy.

[akafrogs]

I'm sorry you are stuggeling so much. But I'm wondering if you've ever had massage for the endo. I am a massage therapist, and I have heard that it really helps w/ the pain and also with TTC and a healthy pregnancy.

I support your decision, but I would personally try a few other things first.

Here's an article it was the first one I found when I searched endometriosis + massage

you need to scroll down a little for the article Massage Away Stress AND Endometriosis Pain?

[..Jessica..]

Brandi,

Like the other ladies have said, whatever you decide to do, we are here 100% for you! And I hope you do stick around with us, you are a wonderful member to this board, and I'd hate to see you go!

[Banned-ZoesMom]

I'd stick around here, if I was allowed to. I'm just so confused as to what to do. Maybe it's just my pre-period hormones making me think this way.

[*Bobbie*]

I'd stick around here, if I was allowed to. I'm just so confused as to what to do. Maybe it's just my pre-period hormones making me think this way.[/b]

Of course you will always be welcome here.

I agree you have to make the decision that is best for you. Only you know what that is and we will support you no matter what