[steph&dam]

Ok, so I didn't wake up miss susie sunshine today. My temps are still above 98 on cd 10, but my HPT is negative (finally after testing to see when the trigger shot left my body) I feel like this isn't going to happen. I read all these boards about injectibles and IUI, and elevated FSH and I am terrified. What if my FSH is higher than 11 now. What if 2 months of clomid jacked up my FSH levels more. What if I don't get pregnant in the next 3 months. IVF is not an option and neither is adoption. My life is on hold trying to get pregnant. I am tired of thinking of trying to have a baby. I am tired of seeing all these pregnant women and wondering to myself why can't I have the same. I am tired of temping and being worried that my temp took a huge dive. I am tired of worrying about getting old and elevated FSH levels. I am tired of not being able to plan trips because I think it might interfere with u/s and IUI's. I AM TIRED. I want my sunshine back. Where the heck is my "frackin"(battlestar gallatica starts this friday) SUNSHINE!

[ShannonMVT]

I'm so sorry you are feeling down today. Do they think those drugs raise your FSH for some reason?

I'm so worried about it not happening also. And I know how you feel about putting your life on hold for TTC.

I so hope that you get your BFP soon and you can put all this behind you.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I am sorry you're having a rough time Steph! It seems like all we do anymore is ttc. I'm getting so tired of it, too. Why can't we all have what we want so bad? I still hope this will be your month and you can get a beautiful baby!

[~*Sam*~]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough day. Please know that you are in my T/P. Take care and I hope that things start looking up for you real soon.

[steph&dam]

I guess I should have mentioned that tomorrow would have been my mothers 68th birthday, except she passed away 10yrs ago. I don't think that fertility meds, PMS, and sorrow make a good cocktail.

[..Jessica..]

Steph, I'm so sorry!!!! Where is the darn 'easy' button for pregnancy?!?! I'm sorry to hear your mom passed away, words can't even express that!!!

[Brittanie]

I'm so sorry honey.


But here's some sunshine


And a sunshine buddy!

[babyblue]

oh Steph, I wish I could give you a hug today!

I feel so much like you today- I am a grump and everyone around me can tell. Inside I feel like I'm doing all I can to hold myself together here at work. This all royally stinks .. the worst part of the 2ww is at the end of the two weeks, when you feel like your back is against the wall. I hope so much that you (and me too) are pleasantly surprised in a couple of days.

And I'm sorry about your mother's b-day.. milestones like that are very hard to take- especially combined with the meds and ragine hormones. I just went thru the anniversary of losing my brother last month and it wasn't a fun day.

Keep your chin up girl- I love ya!

[lynie07]

Steph l'm sorry that you are having a rough day
My fingers are crossed for you!!

[*Bobbie*]

Big HUGE....

[steph&dam]

Brittanie, that actually helped. Thanks

Everyone thanks. I know we all go through moments like this and they stink. I just decided to pull out old family photo's (god knows I have way too many), remember the good times, shared them with Dan. One thing he said that made me smile was that every picture my mother was in, she was laughing. It's nice to have someone who never met her recognize one of her amazing qualities. She was always laughing, and it was contagious. Then I turned on some old 80's music and danced like a fool. Then I did some yoga for 15 minutes. I feel much better now. And maybe, who knows, we will have a BFP soon.

Amber, I am sooo happy that I wont be using clomid next month. I can only hope that I respond better both physically and mentally with follistim.