[babyblue]

I had been doing really well this month, thinking positive thoughts since I actually ovulated.. and then- the 2ww. It has been so rough on me.

Then today, DH almost took our dog to the pound (long story- we have to get rid of her- she keeps digging and we are trying to get our house ready to sell).. so I started the morning bawling. He decided to bring her back home, and luckily I found a home for her in a couple of weeks. I'm ok with that - I know it is best. But then I took the afternoon off to run some errands, and one of them happened to include hitting babies-r-us and getting a shower gift for my really great friend that I was pregnant with b/f my miscarriage. Well... that trip was not easy. I just had no idea how hard it would be. I wandered aimlessly around the store.. admiring all the pregnant women in there, wishing I was them, shopping for my baby that I have yet to meet.. gawking at all the newborns as their mothers strolled them around the store. Man, I choked up just standing in line to check out. When I walked outside, I just broke down. I'm sure everyone was staring at me. But geez.. too difficult. It just really sucked. I know a lot of it is b/c I am at the end of my 2ww and still no BFP and still no AF. I am sitting here cramping wishing AF would just show so I can move on to the next cycle.

Anyway, enough ranting.. i already feel better. If you read this long post... you are the best... thanks for just hearing me out!!

[Banned-ZoesMom]

[~*Sam*~]

to you Amber. That emptiness is so hard sometimes. I completely understand. I'm sorry that you had such a rough day and I'm glad you came to us to unload a little bit. take care.

[babybluegirl]

i know how you feel i recently i went to Dh's cousins baby shower and i didnt show anybody but i so wanted to cry thinking about the what ifs but glad your feelign better i hope you get either the BFP or af to just stop guessing but preferably the BFP edited cant spell

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm so sorry Amber. I hope you get af or a BFP soon. I'm praying it'll be a BFP!!! We love you. I'm glad you came to us!!! We are always here for you.

[Brittanie]

I avoided all baby showers after Cora until I had one with Erin. And, it's STILL hard to go to them simply because I'll never get that carefree joy during pregnancy anymore.

After I lost Cora, it was so hard to into the infants' section at Walmart. I worked there, and sometimes they would ask me to go back there, and I outright refused a couple of times. There were a couple of thick heads on the management team, who didn't get it at first, and tried to get me to go help straighten up after the store was closed. One assistant manager bullied me into it one night and after 10 minutes I had to go lock myself in the associate restroom and cry for a while. I left early that night, I was so mad.


Anyway, I guess all that is meant to say I know what it feels like honey! You are SO BRAVE for going in there. I wouldn't have been able to!

[Melanie0507]

Amber

I hope tomorrow is a better day...and I know you will get your BFP soon!!!

[steph&dam]

Amber! I hate that you are feeling this way. I hope that tomorrow is better and that you can either get a BFP or start AF. I am in the same position as you are.

[ShannonMVT]

I am so sorry you had a rough day. You are very brave for even going there! I think if I went right now I'd probably fall apart too.

[babyblue]

Thanks you guys!!

AF arrived early this morning. I am ok with it. Just ready to start a fresh cycle and call in my clomid prescription. I know it will happen for me eventually!!