I am so upset

ShannonMVT · #1 April 12th, 2008, 07:38 PM

I am really upset right now and don't know what to think.

Dh's sister called and told us she is pregnant. Not only that but she is 5 months pregnant. With her boyfriend who she is not even serious about. She didn't even know until 5 weeks ago.

Right now people in Dh's family are trying to tell her she should give the baby up for adoption. Her boyfriend wants to live together and raise the baby with her and I think that's what she will probably do even though I know the family will be upset if they aren't married, plus they believe this guy isn't marriage material.

My feelings are all over the place. I feel bad for my SIL because I know this isn't great for her. She was trying to get her life together and go back to school and now all of a sudden this happens. But at the same time I am so jealous. Why does it get to be her and not me? Just hearing her talk and say that she is thinking about what is best for the baby and how all her hormones are going crazy and how it would rip her apart to have to give her baby up...it kills me because I want that. I want to have a baby growing inside of me and love it so much and know I would do anything for it.

I know it's petty, but I'm also upset that now we won't be the ones to make my in-laws grandparents. She will get to have the first grandchild. If we hadn't lost our Dear One, he would be born right around now, everyone would be excited for us and then SIL's baby would have a cousin close in age.

I haven't had to deal with anyone really close to me being pregnant before now. I thought I wouldn't have to since no one I know is TTC. Now I know I'll have to watch her belly get bigger, go to her baby shower, see and hold her baby and have a new little niece or nephew when I so desperately want a baby of own. I don't know how I'm going to hold it together and be there for her when she has everything I've hoped for growing inside her.

Melanie0507 · #2 April 12th, 2008, 08:16 PM

Shannon

That is a really tough situation and unfortunately I don't know what to say, but I did want to send you huge

I know you will get through this and soon you will be holding your own precious baby!!

mommy jenn · #3 April 13th, 2008, 02:09 AM

you know i so know what you are feeling right now... it is the hardest thing... it was so bad for me that i was thinking horrible horrible things i actually had to try and distance myself from her... i eventually had to get over it but i am still horribly jealous.. knowing that i would have been preg right now if i hadnt mc... its sooo hard.. i actually dont ahve any advice for you. i think just go into a room get mad, cry about it and then try your best to not show how you feel around her. so when you see her all those feelings will atleast be let out a little...

keekopeeko · #4 April 13th, 2008, 10:06 AM

((((HUGS!))))

I know its hard! I dont know how close the two of you are... But maybe at some point when you do talk you can just let her know that you want to be there for her as much as possible, but at the same time you are gonna be hurting.. She should understand.. and that will make it easier to be around her, knowing she understand why you might be reserved now and then..? maybe?

Or, just grin and bear it..

A few days after i miscarried a friend of mine from college wrote to me and told me she was pregnant, due in june, with an ex boyfriends baby and she was gonna give it up for adoption... it broke my heart.. knowing she conceived that baby unitentionally and didnt even want it in her life... BUT she has since changed her mind and is very excited about having a baby girl....

then TWO girls i know who were seperated from there husbands... and then got back together and got pregnant again by accident, (one their third and the other their second) are both due May 7th! and i was due May11th ... very much in love with my DH and TRYING to get pregnant..

Its hard to understand the way the world works.. why girls who dont want or arent ready for babies get them and there are those of us who are VERY ready and want it more than anything, and dont get it... I dont understand it either!

But i do know youll get through this time.. and maybe you will be pregnant at her baby shower.. And you know your family will be much happier and know that you and your DH are ready for a baby... they will be able to fully celebrate for and with you and your DH....

sorry for the novel.. i just know its hard...

~Em

*Bobbie* · #5 April 13th, 2008, 10:15 AM

Shannon...

I don't have any advice because I have not been in that situation. I do hope you get a BFP VERY soon so the shower and birth of the neice/nephew can still be a happy time for you. For me dealing with stuff like that was always 100 times easier when I was pregnant again.

More

heatherrose415 · #6 April 13th, 2008, 10:37 AM

I just wanted to let you know I am so sorry. I think your feelings are completely normal!! I know I would be feeling them too.

((HUGE HUGS))

~*Sam*~ · #7 April 13th, 2008, 11:42 AM

Shannon, I am so sorry. This is such a crappy thing for you to be dealing with. Just know you are in my T/P, and you can vent to us as often as you'd like. Try to keep your chin up and take care.

ShannonMVT · #8 April 13th, 2008, 12:52 PM

Thanks everyone. I just feel so heartsick right now. It's like I was already having heartache from losing my baby and not getting pregnant and now this is just more heartache piled on top of that and I don't feel like I can take it. I just feel like I am going to fall apart because it hurts so bad.

I truly hope I get pregnant soon, but now I feel like it's not going to happen because that would fit with my streak of bad luck. Because it would make it *easier* to deal with all of this and therefore it's not going to happen because God apparently hates me and wants to see me suffer.

And as horrible as it sounds, I hate the fact that if I DO get pregnant again soon, it won't just be about me and my time. The focus will still be on SIL and her pregnancy/baby and all her problems.

Danica · #9 April 13th, 2008, 01:08 PM

Oh hun, I am so sorry you are feeling down. I wish I could fly down to you and give you a big HUG. This TTC thing is a total roller coaster ride and we are all allowed to have our ups and downs. It's perfectly normal. We are here for you Shannon.

HippyMomOf4 · #10 April 13th, 2008, 01:39 PM

I'm so sorry girl! I have a few close friends pregnant right now and i know how you feel. I can't even hang out with them sometimes because i don't want to hear about there pregnancy. It takes time to accept it, i still have trouble with one of my friends pregnancy!

Pound · #11 April 13th, 2008, 03:06 PM

i know what you're saying, and it does suck. just think, soon you'll be pg, and have one of your own. who cares if she did it first? pfft.

Solace · #12 April 13th, 2008, 03:21 PM

I know how you feel, somewhat. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through it. =(

But... on another note... I think your in-laws will be just as happy for you, if not happier. Being first isn't always the top prize. I think because your situations are different they'll come around and see that.

Good luck.

..Jessica.. · #13 April 13th, 2008, 09:29 PM

I'm sorry Shannon!!!!!

jademyst13 · #14 April 14th, 2008, 08:42 AM

I can understand how you feel, I would feel the same way honestly.

ShannonMVT · #15 April 14th, 2008, 08:57 AM

Thanks ladies, it really helps to have someone to "talk" about this with.

I spoke with my mom and that really helped. She told me that even though the baby I'll have won't be her first grandchild, that she will treat it just like it is and love it so so much because it will be so special because we had to try and hope and wish for so long for my baby to get here. I thought that was really sweet.

And she also said when I have my baby it will get to be a totally happy experience, unlike SIL, and that honestly it may be better if my inlaws aren't able to totally obsess over my baby, because if they do they will probably drive me nuts because they always have strong opinions about the "right" way to do things. Completely true, I do worry that they are going to have to give their advice on everything.

I am still upset about it but at least it's not like the bottom dropped out of my stomach anymore. I'm sure the upcoming months will be hard though, having to deal with seeing her belly and seeing her baby.

mom 2 haley & tyler · #16 April 14th, 2008, 09:04 AM

I just read this Shannon. I am so sorry you're having to deal with that. I hope you will get your BFP soon and it won't be so hard for you going to the shower, etc. Your mom sounds very supportive of you. That is wonderful. You can vent to us anytime. We are always here for you.

Eleysia · #17 April 14th, 2008, 09:14 AM

Shannon Im so sorry that this sucks. I do agree with your mom though. If the situatioon is the way you say it is then Im thinking you will get alot of attention during your pregnancy regardless if SIL is pg. You guys have wanted this for so long, that I think everyone will be extra excited to meet your little mirical, rathen than an "oops im pg and dont know if i want it". I really do hope that very soon you get your

and please know that god doesnt hate you. There is a time and place for everything. I just hope your is very soon. Remember Brandi coming in here saying she was gonna have her hysterectomy and everything? and how sad she was that "it wasnt going to happen for her"???? Now look. Everything works itself out honey. We are here for you anytime you need us