On the Fence

Eleysia · #1 April 20th, 2008, 02:38 PM

So, Ive offically hit that weird funk that comes along with TTC. Where you take a look at your life and try to determine, "do I or dont I" want another child. I have a beautiful 2 y/o son (who is just finally starting to sleep in on the weekends), a loving DH, and pretty much the figure I want. Then I take a look at our finances, they aren't awful, we could afford another child, but would it put us in a bind? Then there is the fact that I have 2 years left in the military, if we get pg now, no more deployments, and also Ill have the beby while im in which means 1 year of covered health care. Ugh im seriously sitting right on the fence right now and dont know which way to climb down.

I feel like after our loss I wanted my baby back so bad that nothing mattered but getting pregnant again, but now Im a little scared that maybe im not thinking logically? Does anyone else have this going on? I think it is cuz next week im due to ovulate, and im trying to listen to my head instead of my heart

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Sorry to be thinking out loud, DH doesnt like to hear it though lol. Any advise would be appreciated.

jennntj13 · #2 April 20th, 2008, 02:49 PM

I think that it is totally normal to question it. I was doing the same thing today--- if I have another m/c w/ this pg., do i want to ttc another? I think what you have to do is ask yourself deep down if that is what you really want and will you regret not having another child (Or at least trying to) when you are older?

Mommy2Makenna · #3 April 20th, 2008, 03:00 PM

Wow -- that's a hard one. I know it's not much help to say "in the end, it's up to you and dh". Do you mind if I ask how you got pregnant with your loss? Was it a surprise or were you ttc? I'm sure wanting to be preganant again (after a loss) and not wanting to be deployed are not the only reasons you were ttc now. If those are the only reasons, you may want to reconsider and just make sure it's what you really want. If you are considering NOT ttc because you are "comfortable" with life now, I think we've all felt that way -- it's a SCARY prospect, but one with great rewards (so I've been told). Just some thougts from me... feel free to take them or leave them. Good luck in deciding!

Eleysia · #4 April 20th, 2008, 04:23 PM

Thanks ladies I appreciate the advice. With my loss we were trying, and we were very happy and excited. You are right in thinking those are not the only reasons we want another child. I think that my biggest worry is the whole thing about comfort right now. We know how everything goes day to day, and it is a little nerve racking to think about throwing another life into the mix. I think thats what was getting the best of me. I sat for a couple hours and thought about it, and I know that I want at least 2 children, and I figure that if I wait until everything is picture perfect then we may miss the oppurtunity. So I guess that ill be sorta trying. Id like to take the not preventing, but not obsessing about it approach. lol Why is ttc so hard on the brain? Thanks again ladies you rock.

Mommy2Makenna · #5 April 20th, 2008, 04:29 PM

I like your approach! I'm kinda at the same stage right now. Don't get me wrong, we are trying, but I'm not going to go through all the charting, OPKs and the like. I'm sure I'll be obsessing by POAS near the end of every 2ww, but I'm trying not to put too much pressure on everything right now. Good luck!!!!

*Bobbie* · #6 April 20th, 2008, 07:22 PM

I have had those thoughts in a way.

My kids are 13,14,16,17. We have every other week child free. Before my first loss we went on a cruise 3-5 times a year and LOTS of weekend get-a-ways. We are at the point in our lives where we SHOULD be enjoying our kids being almost grown. We finally have a little extra to spend of the fun stuff in life. Money is no longer a struggle like it was a couple years ago.

BUT....My heart aches so bad for a baby that is ours together though. Some days the fight is so hard that I just want to say I give up and just let it happen if it is meant to. But I am a fighter and I refuse to be beat.

So yes.... sometimes I think I should be thankful for the healthy kids we do have and not yearn for more. I just can't give up on my dream yet.

Danica · #7 April 20th, 2008, 08:01 PM

It's definately a normal question.

I would always say to follow your heart.

HangingInThere · #8 April 21st, 2008, 09:25 AM

I think we have all felt this way at one time or another. I know I sure have. For me my last loss was a suprise, we weren't preventing but we had not been dtd very often either, so a BFP was a total shock. I had been on the fence about having another but had thought it best to wait til my dd was in school. But then reality sets in and there it is, wether I was ready for it or not. Then foolishly I believed that since it was unexpected that it was meant to be and that my chances of loosing it were slim because it would just be too easy of an out for a situation I wasn't sure I wanted to be in, in the first place. I held lots of regrets at being pg to begin with and then finally became comfortable with the idea when I found out it was all over at 16 1/2 wks. Then like you I wanted back what I had so badly and TTC again right away. But then the grief starts to wear off and reality hits again and you start wondering why on earth it's so important to have another. For me my dd is starting K this fall, my ds is almost potty trained, and I'm starting to have little more freedom again, so why would I want to tie myself down again with another baby. I guess it's because, like Bobbie, I have a dream to hold another in my arms. To just feel that joy one last time. To live the miracle of pregnancy and new life and because I feel like, if it wasn't meant for me to have three, then why have did I get pregnant again the last time. However, I have been back and forth so many times and still wonder to this day, if its what I want. I guess I just try to live day to day and tell myself if it happens it happens, if it doesn't in doesn't and either way I have to be ok with it. I think I am pg now and have pondered this question alot lately. I think the other reason we ponder this so much after a loss is because we are afraid of loosing again. That's why I must say that I have really tried to mentally prepare myself to be ok with whatever happens. No matter what I have to leave it in God's Hands, afterall it is his creation, and whether I keep it or not, is up to him. Sorry this is so long, but I HTH. It sure has helped me to put it into words. GL and I wish you the best with whatever you choose.

Eleysia · #9 April 21st, 2008, 09:42 AM

I really love that everyone in here is so helpful

Id be lost without you ladies. I have a guy friend at work, and I tell him that since i have no girlfriends, he has to double as that as well. I asked him for his advice as well, and he agrees with everyone. he says that if it is meant to be then it will happen. This guy is awsome, and no he isnt for sale

So yeah. If anyone has noticed I havnt updated my chart (hahah blasphemy i know), and I prolly dont intend on it. What a pain the the butt tho since I just payed for the FF subscription. who knows i might temp tomorrow... today just wasnt a good day for temping i was up all night with DS. Again thanks for keeping me sane, and Im looking forward to the 2ww soon. I think im due to O on thursday, so we will prolly baby dance tonight, and then a couple more times. I know DH is still nervous, so i havnt brought it back up. Im hoping he doesnt freak out last second and not go through with it (if ya know what i mean).