[LindsLuvsSi]

My DH told me that my SIL is pregnant again!!!!!! my nephew is only 5 months old!!!!!! They WEREN'T trying. It just kills me. (I honestly would have rather NOT known ya know? And when my SIL told him she was sad to tell him since she knew we have infertility problems and ahve been trying for over a year...hmmm hello if she was sad to tell him then why did she?!?!?!?!?!?! It urkes me that she had to make our saddness and infertiity journey even harder!!!!)

I'm like breaking inside. It just hurts sooo badly that she can get pregnant, have a baby and then do it all over again so quickly and easily. With No miscarriage no infertility issues. I can't stop thinking about it. Yes I am very jealous about it. I don't think it's fair. Ya know? I know I shouldn't be jealous but I honestly can't help it. The other thing about it that hurts me soooo much is that she HATES being pregnant. She DIDN'T enjoy it, She told me flat out herself. I would kill to be pregnant finally. to have our baby growing inside me. She said that I won't enjoy it. I told him I can't wait to be pregnant and I'm looking forward to it and she's all "well you'll think differently when you are. you'll hate it. it's not fun. labor was terrible. i was in it for 48 hours." And she brags about how small her baby bump was and how she was too tiny to wear maternity clothes and etc etc etc.

She knows we have been TTC too. I had a MAJOR melt down in front of her too. Actually it was on Christmas. great day huh? her and my BIL tried to console me and etc, but they just don't understand. They aren't infertile. They weren't trying or longing for a family. They didn't loose a child. It just kills me. I'm hurting so badly. THey get what we have been trying so hardly for. They will now have 2 children when we still have NONE. I feel so empty. So broken and so hurt. I bawled for hours this morning when I found out. I am just so ready to be blessed and be pregnant and have a child/family already. (I was feeling kinda good about this cycle too especially with my gut feelings and the aide of the fertility meds, but now that is ruined. I'm depressed.) I just don't get it. Why? Why do we have to suffer through this? Why do they get our answer to our prayers? Why do they get 2 children and we still don't have any? Why are they pregnant and we aren't? When will it be our turn?!?

(I am secretly hoping, wishing and praying for twins. I am on Femara for one and my dad was supposed to be a twin so I think they are in my family. Finally DH has agreed that he wants twins too. He's like "we gotta beat them somehow and twins would do it!" I kinda have a feeling we may get twins too. Ironically, I've been having the strongest o'pains ever today!"

so I guess we'll see. I jsut need some good news right now to cheer me up. Today has been hard.

[Mommy2Makenna]

Oh, Lindsey!
I'm sorry it's been a rough day for you. I wish I had an answer for you as to why. It's the age old question that all of us in the same (or similar) situation have asked a hundred times. I could pretend to know the answer and give you some cliche, but I think that maybe what you really want is people to just listen to you and let you vent. I sure do hope this cycle is it for you and the Femera has done it's job. Twins would be great and I agree, it would be a great way to "beat them". Hang in there, girl.

[LindsLuvsSi]

Thanks so much Sacha for listening and letting me vent. (Venting def. helps and lets me feel a lil better) Thank you for the hugs~

[ShannonMVT]

Lindsey I'm so sorry you are feeling down. It just flat out SUCKS. You know about my SIL getting pregnant while not trying and not even in a serious relationship! And they get to have the first grandchild for my Dh's parents. But you know what (and I say this because I do it too) try not to make it a competition.
Your baby is going to be so special and so loved because you and your Dh had to try so long. Even if no one else in your families realizes that (and I bet they will if they know how long you have tried) YOU will know in your heart how much you cherish that baby. I know that unlike your SIL you will love being pregnant even when it's uncomfortable and once you have the baby, you won't take him/her for granted. As hard as it is right now, I just have to believe that somehow it is going to be so much sweeter for us when we have our babies in our arms.

I know how you feel about being positive and then feeling they you aren't because this ruined it. That is how I feel about my SIL being pregnant...like somehow just because she IS, that I WON'T be. And I know part of it is just that I am afraid to be positive, because what if I'm wrong and this isn't my month? What if it's just another disappointment?

It is absolutely not fair that she is pg and you are not. But I hope that you feel better soon. And you KNOW I hope that this is your lucky month!!!

[*Bobbie*]

Lindsey....

Hon... I am so sorry

I know how much it hurts to know we can't have what other come by so easy.

I really think some days..... life just sucks.

I will be praying for twins for you. Because you DESERVE healthy babies.


Kinda like Astrid.... she sooo deserved those trips

[LindsLuvsSi]

Awww thanks so much Shannon! I soooo totally know what you mean and I'm glad you can relate!! Thanks for helping me think more positively! And everything you said is too true, especially about since we have been trying so hard/so long that our baby will be so loved/wanted and I will enjoy pregnancy all of it! hope you get a lucky BFP this cycle too!


Awww thanks too Bobbie!! You're sweet! ANd your right certain days- life just sucks, but that's life. I think what I'm learning is to appreciate the good days more than ever. I'm trying not to think about whether we're going to have a niece or nephew. (ours will be cuter anywho ) Good luck to you too!

[Danica]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time today. I wish that no woman had to experience infertility issues I'll be praying that you get a fast BFP and crossing my fingers for twins!

[azura24]

SORRY YOU ARE HAVING SUCH A BAD AND EMOTIONAL DAY.

I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT ONCE YOU DO HAVE YOUR LIL BABIES, YOU WILL CHERISH THEM EVEN MORE.
I HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD. I HAD HER WHEN I WAS 19. I REALLY DIDNT REALIZE HOW FAST LIFE WOULD PASS ME BY WITH HER. I NOW RESENT A LOT THAT I DIDNT GET TO SEE OR DO WITH HER AS AN INFANT OR TODDLER FOR THAT MATTER. NOW I FEEL THAT I AM BEING TAUGHT A LESSON. I DONT THINK I HAVE INFERTILITY PROBLEMS BUT I WASNT ABLE TO CONCIEVE FOR A FEW MONTHS AND I BEGAN TO WORRY. JUST FEELING THAT LITTLE BIT OF WORRY HAS OPENED ME UP TO A NEW LIGHT AND I WILL NEVER TAKE MY DAUGHTER FOR GRANTED EVER AGAIN.
YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT. YOU WANT THESE BABIES AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY TRYING TO HAVE THEM. YOU WILL LOVE, CHERISH AND RESPECT THEM EVEN MORE.
LIFES LESSONS ARE SOOOO UNFAIR AT TIMES AND ITS HARD TO OPEN OUR EYES TO THEM SOMETIMES....BUT ONCE YOU DO, IT IS THE GREATEST LESSON EVER LEARNED AND HOPEFULLY THAT YOU WILL FOLLOW AND RESPECT.

YOU WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES SWEETIE, IN TIME, AND PATIENCE WILL BE ONE OF THOSE LESSONS YOU WILL HAVE LEARNED.

GOOD LUCK...LOTS OF BABY DUST TO YOU

[kellyanne]

Hi Lindsey,

I don't post here too often right now....as I am not actually TTC because the doctor wants me to wait a few cycles after my last miscarriage and "heal". I am replying to you, however, because reading your post sounded all too familiar to me. I have been on both sides of this coin! I was the SIL who had to break the news to older bro/sis in law who had been trying for years. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and I agonized over it for a week before I could do it. We decided to tell them earliest, before the rest of the family so they would have time to digest the information and wouldn't be "surprised" and have to put on a happy face in front of others. My situation is a bit different because I liked being pregnant and don't think I complained much. I don't know your SIL, but maybe she is rationalizing that saying pregnancy sucks will actually make you feel better that you aren't pregnant (I know it won't...but she may think that way). I can remember never knowing what to say....I didn't want to be too excited around her and I didn't want to be negative either. It was like walking on eggshells. Now....the tides have turned for me. My daughter is 20 months old and we are trying for #2. I got pregnant right away again...and miscarried. Figured it was a one time thing, got pregnant again right away and miscarried again. A week later my best friend finds out she is pregnant. We always wanted to be pregnant together and we would have had I not miscarried. Now I'm the one in pain....trying not to be jealous, and wondering if I'll ever get another baby. Please don't read this and think I don't have the utmost of sympathy for you, I absolutely do! I'm just saying that your situation is a tough one, no matter which side of it a person is on. Also, it makes me sad to see that competitive stuff (I know its hard not to) because it won't end with you having a baby....then it'll be about milestones, etc. and eventually the kids will pick up on it....I've seen this play out in my family and it isn't a good thing. Love her babies for their own unique qualities...your child will be different from hers...and you'll love your baby so much for its unique qualities. Keep positive for this cycle....it may be the one for you!

P.S. In case you were wondering, my bro/sis adopted a newborn one year after my baby was born. So, they are finally parents...and loving it!

Kelly

[mamamudd]

I am so sorry to hear your having a rough day. I am praying for you and have my fingers crossed and my toes for that matter that you get BFP with twins. *hugs*

[lynie07]

Lindsey l'm so sorry your you are having a bad day,
it's just so unfair that us girls have to go through all this
like Bobbbie said life just sucks,well l really hope that you get
a BFP and you have twins my fingers are crossed for ya

[LindsLuvsSi]

thank you ladies!! you all have cheered me up. I appreciate it. (I was just totally NOT expecting that and I was upset at DH for ruining our great day together by breaking the news.) I'm still trying to digest it. Thanks for the T&Ps and twin vibes!

[ricecakes13]

Lindsey:

Many wishes to you!

I can sympathize. We lost our little one on 2/26 at 8 weeks (should have been 11 wks) and the following week from my D&C, my cousin & his wife announced that they were expecting, conveniently the same week our little one would have been due... I feel like everytime I will see my new little cousin, it will be a constant reminder of what "could" have been. Plus, there's all these cute girls around my work sporting their little tummies & gloating about their bun in the oven (granted, I would be doing the same thing too)

AND everytime I hear of another young celebrity (aka Jamie Lynn Spears & Ashley Simpson, who are unwed), I get mad... WE are doing the right thing, trying to create a new life (in the bonds of marriage) and these ladies "unexpectedly" get pregnant. Ughhh!

[LindsLuvsSi]

Awww Ricecakes13. I'm sorry. But thanks for understanding how I feel. I totally get what you mean too. It's hard!

[babyblue]

aww Lindsey, I really do feel your pain! The exact same thing happened to me. I lost my baby the Monday after Thanksgiving. At Christmas all was great.. then in February, the day DH and I left for Chicago, we're at the airport and my BIL (DH's brother) called and broke the news that they are pregnant again- 5 months or so already- and her due date is 2 days before mine. Mind you their son just turned one last week (which was an accident- they had only been dating a couple of weeks when she conceived), and now she is due with boy #2 in June... all accidental... she didn't know she could get pregnant when she was nursing. WTH?? I was so upset I just broke down at the airport and had to go into the bathroom and try to compose myself. Then we arrived in Chicago that afternoon to visit our friends who have a 2 year old, and at dinner that night they announced to us they were expecting! It was just awful.. so awful. And the worst part is, my SIL is a workaholic and doesn't spend hardly any time with the son they have. My DH got mad at me and said I should be happy for them. He just didn't understand how much it hurt.

The good news, I am doing better now and I know you will too, once you come to get used to the idea and accept it. It just flat out sucks- and I really am sorry and wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's ok to be upset and mad and angry and all of those emotions. I promise you things will get better though! Keep your chin up.

[Pitridge]

Lindsey,

I'm sorry you are having a bad day.....Hope you are better now
I had a similar situation. Someone that I know had a m/c a couple of months before I did-we used to be good friend but with time we lost contact-I got back in touch with her when I m/c she pretty told me that she did not want to ever talk about what happened to her or anyone else, so I stoped emailing her. Last week she sent an email to tell me tha she is 3 moths preg and that she would sent a list item for a baby shower. I started crying, wondering if it would ever happen to me, wondering why to her and not me. I thought it was so insensitive of her to send me that email, it hurts so much.

Good luck

[~*Sam*~]

Lindsey I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you were having such a bad day yesterday. Those days really suck! Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers! We all want you to get that BFP and take your beautiful baby home with you at the end of those 9 months! Take Care.

[LindsLuvsSi]

Thank you Amber! Sorry about your situation too. It does totally suck Good luck to you~~!!

Thanks pitridge, i'm sorry as well.

Thank you Sam~ I can't wait for it to be my turn to announce my pregnancy! I'm so looking forward to it.

oh you know what she said to me today??? She said "I hoped that by the time I told ya'll, ya'll would be expecting too" Man I wish I was!

[Eleysia]

Awe hun, at least she was receptive that you are hurting. She sound like she really did have your best intentions in her mind. Youll be there very soon i have good feelings this cycle!!! Then youll just be a couple months behind her, so when she hits the preggo psycho stage you can warn DH that youll be just like that soon too

[LindsLuvsSi]

Thanks Eleysia~! Hope your good feeling is right about this cycle