[ShannonMVT]

I think I finally realized something.

I have thought for a long time that when I get pregnant again, I just want to love my baby as much as I can, no matter what. Because I realize that if I hold back because of fear, because I am afraid of getting attached, it isn't going to make it hurt any less if I were to lose the baby. Losing your baby hurts and there is nothing you can do to prepare yourself for that pain.

And I finally realized...what am I doing with TTC? I am so afraid of not having a baby. Because I think by not getting my hopes up that it is going to hurt less if that IS what happens? If that were to happen, me trying to "emotionally prepare myself" is not going to make it hurt any less. If I were to not ever have a baby, I would be devastated. There is nothing I can do to change that. So there is no point in me being scared of it.

So from here on out I promise I will try to be better. I will refer to it as "when" I have my baby, not "if". I am going to make this happen somehow. I am going to try my best to not be afraid anymore of what the future could (not) bring.

I am going to believe that someday I will hold my baby in my arms and know that this was all worth it. I am stepping out and saying that I will keep trying, no matter what, until my dream comes true.

Hold me to this girls, and thank you for putting up with my crazyness. I am up and down like a roller coaster and I know there will be days when it is hard for me to keep trusting that this will happen.

I am crying my eyes out here. And man oh man, do I hope it is pregnancy hormones.

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.”

[Mommy2Makenna]

Shannon -- beautifully said! I know that I too have been "guarding my heart". You've made me think about it. I'm glad you posted this and I can't wait for you to get your BFP.

[*Bobbie*]

Shannon... those feeling are perfectly normal. It's just so hard when you want something so bad. You really should get the book I told you about. (A Few Good Eggs) It helped me TONS with positive thinking and gave me the *I can do this* attitude I try my best to have.... it is actually sitting next to me on the bed.

I am glad you are going to try positive thinking it will really help you *relax* as soooooo many people seem to tell us TTCers to do I would like to tell them to take their relax and well.... nevermind.

Now.....




You are a strong woman and you will have a baby!

[tparum]

that was said perfect

[Frozendesire]

You sound like a very strong woman.. you just took quite a leap in emotions! We're here for you

[Brittanie]

Shannon, you made me cry! That fear, I think it's something that we all live with. And it doesn't go away when you HAVE your baby either. I wonder every day what would happen to me if something happened to Erin now. It's a terrifying thought, and I just tell myself to remember that I HAVE her now, and to enjoy each moment.


Wonderful things can happen, but usually it takes a lot of sacrifice to get there. Even if sacrifice is just facing your fear and taking a step into the dark when you can't see your way.

You have my thoughts and prayers and well wishes honey. I want this for you so bad.

[..Jessica..]

I couldn't have said it better, Shannon!!!

[ShannonMVT]

Bobbie, my library has that book at one of the branches so I am going to request it and check it out!

I kwym about people saying to "just relax" and I get that to a certain extent, but I know I will never be able to just not think about TTC! How can you not think about something you want so much? I just try to reduce my stress in general, in ways that I can.

[madmum_sarah]

thars exact;y how i have been feeling.
i hope i can find half the strength that you have hun.

x

[Melanie0507]

I love what you said and how you said it Shannon~~perfect!!

I also LOVE the quote at the bottom!

This really made my morning, thanks!

[jennntj13]

I think it is very hard not to obsess about it. I think we all do to some extent. I have come to the conclusion that I can't not think about it, so I try to keep myself busy as best as I can to keep my mind off of it.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

That was beautifully said, Shannon. I know that you will get your BFP soon! I'm praying for you girl!

[Eleysia]

Shannon that was awsome!!!

Im glad that you are to the point of leaping in not nowing where it takes you I know that you WILL have that baby you want so bad, and i know that you and DH WILL make amazing parents because this is something you have wanted so bad, and worked so hard for. Im wishing you the best of luck hunny. Now go roll in this!!!!!!!