[Eleysia]

Ok so ill keep it short. My inlaws get here tomorrow, and DH suggested to his mother that she takes DS to the zoo, or sea world ect (all about 1 hour away from our home). I have yet to let someone take my son out for a day and im panicing.

my reasons for concern :
she smokes, and has tried to do so with my son in the car in the past
she smokes marijuana (not 100% if she will refrain before going out with him)
he is barly into a booster seat which i dont feel is very safe in a car
she is from bum-freak no where country, and she wants to drive into san diego into traffic with him
also what if she turns her head and he takes off??


I am having alot of anxiety turning her loose with him. i dont know what to do?!?!?!

any opinions?

[madmum_sarah]

i have to say i would be the same. sadie is 3 and the only person she gets out with is registered foster carer who had her while i was in hospital!
i would see if she refrains from smoking marijuana for a day before even considering it and posibly go out for a drive with her (maybe get her to take you shopping or something) so you get a feel for how she will cope.
how long are they staying? if at all possible i would at least leave it one full day before even thinking about it. i know thats his grandma BUT i still would be the same!
good luck hun
xx

[..Jessica..]

Eleysia, this is a tough one, however...

If you don't feel comfortable with her taking Gavin to San Diego, DO NOT let her take him! Tell Chad what your worries are, and make it known that you aren't comfortable with it!

What if you guys go with them? That way you know for sure what's going on, etc. I understand if this isn't possible with your work, etc.

Good luck girl! I definitely wouldn't let Gavin go.

[Eleysia]

Thank you as always ladies for listening. I think i will test the waters for sure. i told Chad to let her know that there will be absolutly NO smoking of any kind around him and he is reluctant to face his mom. So it looks like once again it will be wife vs. gma.

Jess i could technically go because i have the week off, but Chad has to work. The way it seemed was gma and gpa wanted to give me a day to myself, and have Gavin for a day.

Sarah they will be here for a full week.

[Pitridge]

Eleysia, it's probably none of my busniess, are you in So cal? If you are what about the wild animal park, it might be closer to you

But I agree that you need to talk to Chad and I would make him talk to his mother about it. make some ground rules before they even get here that way they'll know and it won't be a surprise. Smokers (both kinds) are picky people, don't let them smoke in your house, I make that rule for anyone that comes to my house, family or not.

Good luck

[..Jessica..]

Yes, I totally agree that Chad should be the one telling his mom about NOT smoking in or around Gavin. He definitely should be the one telling her. If she gets mad, so be it, Gavin is his son!!

Ahhhh, I see why they want to take him. Which IS very nice of them to do, but, you aren't comfortable with it, so how much relaxing could you possibly do?

[heatherrose415]

I would be feeling the SAME way Eleysia!! what a tough situation!!

I agree, Chad should be talking to his mom about the smoking, not you! It is his mom. and do you have a stroller they can use? so that he cannot dissapear so easily?

[Eleysia]

Pat, I tried telling his mom no smoking in the house last time and she had the oddacity to light up in my kitchen. I about lost it. i was like WTH are you doing? And she was like "oh im sorry, and casually walked out of the house into my backyard". she is nuts. Oh and the Wild animal park is closer, only by like 15-20 min but it is a start.

Jess, I know that is what im thinking! id have to sleep just to not think about it

Heather, Yeah i have a small umbrella style one and a big one. he hates them both but it is worth a try. by the way Chad accidently unplugged my comp last night. i was so mad hahah. then it wouldnt let me back into chat i was like "you tard!! i was mid conversation!!!" he just laughed and said sorry lol.

I called my mom and she said the same things. lay down rules, and just let him go. that eventualy ill have to cut the strings :worried: you had better believe im gonna sniff him when he comes home and if he smells like smoke she is done!

[Pitridge]

There is always the wonderful Legoland, much closer than anything else, kids love it, there is probably no smoking there or they might not smoke since it will be full with kids. I don't let people smoke in the backyard either, I tell them I don't want the dog to get lung cancer because of them
Good luck with all of this

[Frozendesire]

Personally I wouldn't let her. I guess it's different when it's family but that seems like a lot to "risk". With how she didn't respect your wishes of smoking outside... ya that wouldn't score points with me! I would most likely either go along or tell her flat out no. But that's me! haha.

[HippyMomOf4]

LOL i feel the same way, i don't really like my In laws taking my two but i let them because i just try and think they are there grandparents too. I'm totally comfortable with my parents taking my girls. But then none of my family or DH's family smokes pot. I would just try and explain to DH first why you don't want her taking him and see if you can come to some kinda of agreement on it. Good luck hun

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I wouldn't let them take him alone! IMO! I would definitely make Chad be the one to talk to his mom. You have to protect your son! I don't let anyone take Haley anywhere. I know that's not always good, but I don't trust anyone enough!!!

You wouldn't be doing any wrong by saying no. Personally, I wouldn't let my toddler go anywhere alone with my inlaws. They are very loving but are older and grandad gets in bad moods. We were there not long ago when we started potty training. We just took his tushie cushie that sits on the big potty. I told my teenager to help him if he had to go potty while my hubby and I put our new tent up to test it.

Found out my father in law had taken him up to the potty. Didn't think anything about it. But then the next time we were there and he had to go potty, he screamed bloody murder all the way up and absolutely refused to sit on the potty. I had a feeling something had happened so I asked. I was told he was fine but was taking a long time to come down the stairs. He would never admit if anything went wrong anyway, but I knew. I have a feeling that he either fell in the toilet or was forced down the stairs. I told my husband that I will not leave my child alone with them anymore. It still upsets me today, we do visit weekly and I have to take the portable potty so he can go downstairs.

It's only there as well. He will use the big potty everywhere else.

So go with your heart, this is your baby and you and your hubby are the ones that speak for them when they are little, plus it's only natural to protect them.

[valentinemommy]

I'm so sorry you have to stress like this. I so know what you are going through. I have a lot of the exact same issues with my MIL. I would try to make plane for closer to home in the nicest way possible. And Chad should definitely voice some concerns and set some rules. It's so hard when your kid is stuck in the middle and all you wanna do is protect them. Just do the best you can to keep the peace, and if it doesn't work then don't let them take him. You get the final word. That's your baby. I hope it all goes well.

[jennntj13]

Oh my... this, i have a feeling, is not going to go well w/ you and dh. Maybe you'll get lucky and it will rain...

Seriously, I'm not sure how I would tactfully put it so that it didn't make you sound like the bad guy. I might explain to dh that it might not be a great idea b/c she isn't used to it here and maybe it might be better if you planned an outing there for all of you to go to together... maybe a picnic in the backyard would be better for one of the first things they did togther so he could be in a familiar place...

In so far as the smoking, I would definitely say smoke outside and no smoking in the car, period.

[Eleysia]

Well I have until tomorrow at about 4pm to put my foot down haha. i dunno. i think im gonna ask if they need a tour guide and go along. that way i can help them in case he throws his 2 y/o tantrums and also to translate toddler to adult. Hopefully they invite me lol.

haha Jenn bad feeling because you know how ######y i have a potential to be? or how childish DH is? lmao!!

[bzbug02]

HI Eleysia-
I feel for you, having gone through a somewhat similar situation (me wanting one thing for Sienna and my husband being oblivious to his parents ignorance). Things have never been the same between me and his parents.
THis is such a tough thing. You are the mother, you decide what is best for your child because IF something goes wrong, who will fix it?
I agree with the other women, your hubby has to say something. Why is this so hard for sons' to 'stand' up to their mothers?
Good luck, hope your hubby can somehow talk to his mother without blaming you, say 'we' feel it's best that.....
I'm re-living my own situation and having palm sweats about it.
Brenda