[acolledge2]

Well, ladies I rarely post anywhere because I am just a quiet person, I do read alot though but I am in a bind. Today marks the 4 month mark of our twin losses, 11 week conjoined and not viable. I went to the DR today for my last HCG level bloodwork, number is ZERO after D+C, 2 rounds of meds, and 6 weeks of birth control pills to control bleeding.
My OB/Gyn said that now that my numbers are 0 wait another 2-3 months to try again to ensure a better pregnancy. Here is the bind- I don;t want to try again, the last 4 months have been heart breaking and I can't do it again. I have 2 beautiful little girls and I am happy with what I have and will always miss what could have been but never was.
Am I selfish? My husband wants another child so badly and he has totally moved on to lets try again.
All I do is cry, cry because I love our girls on earth so much and cry because I miss the angels in the sky so much more. I am fat from all the hormones, anemic frm the bleeding, and have reoccurring baby nightmares where I hear them crying but can't get to them.
I am sorry to bring such sadness and dispair to this forum but I dont; know where else to turn. All of you suffered a loss just like me, did you all have these moments of insanity and complete breakdowns?
Thanks for listening!!!

[MarykatSC]

I am SO sorry for your loss. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had mixed feelings on trying for another baby. I have a healthy son, so why would I keep putting myself through heartbreak???? You need to talk with your husband about how you feel. Maybe you just need some more time since it sounds like it was pretty traumatic. Please feel welcome to post anytime and whatever is on your mind, that's the point of all of these ladies coming together.

[KDD]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Until you both want to try again you probably shouldn't. When I m/c I thought that there was no way that I was going to try again. About a week later, I was ready. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[jennntj13]

Big Hugs! I think you are totally normal for feeling crazy. Hormones will do funny things to your body and what you are experiencing is similar to postpartum depression. You may want to consider waiting a bit until you feel your heart can accept it. Also, you can talk to your doctor for some meds, maybe an anti-anxiety medication until you are feeling a little better. I hope you start feeling better soon!

[acolledge2]

Thank you ladies for your kind words and thoughts. I am just having a bad day even though you would think that I would be overjoyed that my numbers are 0. I think that the first step is to talk to my husband and just explain my hesitation to "get back on the horse" because another M/C and you will find me in a psyco ward somewhere rocking and humming. I have been unsure of my feelings about anti-anxiety meds because my sister had a difficult time getting off of them so I am worried that an addiction is in my family.
Thank you all for just listening and sending the must needed hugs, especially since I know that all of yours aren't heading into the bedroom LOL!!! like someone I know.
Hugs back to everyone!!!

[..Jessica..]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!!!!

Firstly, you are not being selfish. You are thinking about what YOU want, and that's very important. Your husband will understand, but, keep in mind, he didn't suffer the loss the way you did. He knew about the babies, but they were apart of you. Your thoughts, tears, sweat, and everything else is different than his.

Secondly, do what is best for you and your family. You have two beautiful (going on assumption here, little girls are always beautiful) daughters, and a wonderful husband that would love another child. However, I am sure he would understand and be extremely supportive if you told him you wanted to wait a little bit.

Good luck with everything hun!!! Please, stick around! We have a lot of supportive, caring, and NON-judgemental ladies on this board.

[Eleysia]

Im so sorry for your loss. I do agree that it is completly normal to feel like you might be losing your mind. A loss sucks, no matter when you lost your baby or babies. I think to answer the question in the topic, you belong here!!!

I think it might be DH's way of coping by thinking if you get pg again it will help. Id say take your time and if youre truly not ready there are so many other decisions you could make. like adoption and stuff. If you need anything please let us know if you need anything

[*Bobbie*]

I am soo sorry for the loss of your babies. I feel like crying for you. I can feel the pain in your post....and wish I could give you a huge hug You are always welcome here on this board. We all can understand some of the emotions you are feeling. More....

[lynie07]

aww sweetie l'm so sorry for the loss of your babies.
and you are not selfish one bit you need time and first thing is
to talk to hubby about how you are really feeling and then go from
there take care.

[kellyanne]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I may be biased, but I think you should stick around this board even if you don't think you want to TTC right now. Even though each of our stories is unique, we are all sorting through feelings of grief, frustrastion, and fear of it happening again. Just reading the board and hearing the stories of others and how they have handled their pain has helped me with my own. I agree with the poster who said that your dh may be so "ready to go" because he believes getting pregnant again will help you get past the losses. If you explain your concerns to him, he may understand why you need more time before even making that decision. I sincerely hope you begin to feel better soon!