[*Bobbie*]

So how do you REALLY feel about......



Just relax it and it will happen.










I would like to tell the next person who says that to me (well-meaning or not) to just shove it!

[jademyst13]

Aren't they always the ones with several kids running around behind them too?

[ShannonMVT]

How do I REALLY feel? Oh Bobbie, don't you know I have to leave for work soon and I don't have time to write a novel?

1. Last time I checked, relaxing doesn't cause pregnancy. Sex does. If I "just relaxed" we'd be having sex once a week or less. Umm...yeah it could theorretically happen, but that doesn't even meet the definition of "trying to concieve".

2. My MIL gave me the "just relax" crap and I told her I was worried the first time around and I still got pregnant in 2 months. She said "Oh you were just nervous." WTH?!

3. Don't forget the ancillaries.

Just relax.
---Just go on a vacation.
---Just adopt. My *pick one*(cousin's, best friend's, godmother's) *pick one*(sister, co-worker, aunt twice removed) couldn't get pregnant and then they adopted and she got pregnant 2 months later!

[Wee3monkeys]

So how do you REALLY feel about......



Just relax it and it will happen.[/b]

Oh, yeah, that makes my blood pressure rise and my fists ball up. My response to that is, 'it must have been easy for you to get pregnant and carry because you have absolutely no idea.'

[MountainMomma]

I honestly would like to cause physical harm to the next person that says that to me!

[madmum_sarah]

relax and it will happen????
i may have 5 children and an angel baby but il tell you now i was nowhere near relaxed when i concieved any of them (although i was very drunk when i conceived one )

what bugs me is they say if you are overweight or underweight it is harder. i was 22 stone and on the pill when i got preg with ds and now im at a "normal" weight and no pill and having nothing but problems! grrrr

[Pitridge]

I hate the people that keep teeling me that. also, the people that keep telling me that this things (meaning m/c) just happen- I'm aware of it (don't need to remind me of it) since it did happen. or I had some one tell me, don't give up on it, it will happen- what makes them think that we gave up, we just started TTC again.

[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

I got that all the time and I finally started telling them that if I relaxed and let it happen when it happened I would have been pg a long time ago and it wouldnt have taken this long and I wouldnt have had to go on Clomid. It usally shuts them up.

[Eleysia]

K so... im aparently the only one on the other side of the fence huh?

I really dont let it bother me. i try to take it for what it is. I think that since these people have not had this same struggle they find those words comforting, and in such an akward situation for me AND them it just seems like a non hostile thing to say to someone.

I blame this on society personally. if there was more light shead on the fact that couples do truly struggle (rather than the negative publicity that teens get knocked up easily and often) then i truly believe that the world would be more educated on how to handle an encounter like this. I honestly dont blame the folks saying it

just imo tho.

edited for spelling lol

[..Jessica..]

I wouldn't really care, they are just jealous that I'm having sex a lot!

[Pitridge]

I wouldn't really care, they are just jealous that I'm having sex a lot! [/b]

Great answer! I love it!

[dee68]

I honestly would like to cause physical harm to the next person that says that to me! [/b]

LMAO !!!!

[kellyanne]

I'm with you Eleysia. I think its our culture to be hush hush about fertility (and m/c for that matter) so people don't really know how many people are affected by it. I also think its a bit of a generational issue. My mother's generation didn't use HPTS, OPKs, or even early ultrasounds. So they couldn't become as involved in their own fertility. All they could do was "relax" and wait for it to happen. Hence, their advice to us.

Also, Shannon, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have been getting the "you'll get pregnant now that you've adopted" from everyone under the sun. She finally looked up the statistics on how many people with legitimate infertility actually get pregnant after adopting. It's some ridiculous number like <8%. So she when people say that to her, she rattles off the actual statistics. It usually shuts em up.

[Nicole1022]

I heard a lot of "this is the one...I can feel it" with my last pg. You don't know that! And it did end in m/c!

And don't tell me everything's going to be ok! The chances are things might not be ok.....and that's ok! We're still going to try.

[ShannonMVT]

My issue with it is that I see it as a way of shifting the "blame" onto me. Maybe in many cases it is not intended that way. But I take it as "oh well if you'd just relax then you would get pregnant". So it's "my fault" that I'm not getting pregnant, because I am not relaxed about it enough or something.

[babyblue]

I agree with Shannon.. and even my DH is guilty of saying I should "just relax" from time to time. LIke that is even possible, seriously! I get so tired of hearing all of those things, and "in God's time".. "God has a plan"... "Everything happens for a reason"... blah blah blah. I'm not saying I don't agree with those things, but it gets to be so monotonous and NOT what I want to hear from everyone I Know- most of whom have never experienced a loss to begin with!!

[ChattyAshley]

I'd much rather hear "Shoot. That sucks. Good luck!" or something like that rather than all the "in God's time" or "Just relax" or whatnot.

The whole just relax thing...

It's like someone who has been REALLY constipated sitting on the toilet in pain and someone saying, "Just relax and it will happen!" Ya know what?? Sometimes it takes some exlax!!!

Okay so that's kinda gross, but that's what I just thought of!

[ShannonMVT]

I'd much rather hear "Shoot. That sucks. Good luck!" or something like that rather than all the "in God's time" or "Just relax" or whatnot.

The whole just relax thing...

It's like someone who has been REALLY constipated sitting on the toilet in pain and someone saying, "Just relax and it will happen!" Ya know what?? Sometimes it takes some exlax!!!

Okay so that's kinda gross, but that's what I just thought of![/b]

Gross, but the analogy works. I think the "just relax" comments are especially annoying for those ladies who have a diagnosed medical condition (PCOS, endometriosis) that keeps them from getting pregnant.

Oh and I've read those stats on adoption and getting pregnant too.

I do think women should do what they can to eliminate stress but there is just no way you can eliminate all of it. I read that women experiencing infertility have the same levels of anxiety as those diagnosed with cancer.

[Pound]

before i had a m/c, i told a friend of mine whose wife had a m/c that they were very common, so not to be too concerned that something was wrong. now i know how it feels. i think a lot of people don't know what to say, and since EVEYONE says it'll happen when you stop trying, that's just what people say. i've given up even telling people i'm ttc.

i had a friend who was just maddening, who would ask me every freaking week if i was pg yet. then when i was, i didn't tell her cuz i was afraid of m/c, she asked and i kinda got trapped into to telling her i was. she said why didn't you tell me?!!! i told her i didn't want to say anything too early... and then i had a m/c and i was mad that she pestered me into telling her and now i had to tell her i had a m.c.

and i agree w/ someone above, i just want friends to agree and say yes it does suck. instead of trying to patronize me.