[Banned-ZoesMom]

I just don't feel it anymore. I was gagging at the sight of everything, I couldn't handle even looking at meats, I was exhausted, nauseous, everything, and I just don't feel it.

I've been able to handle the sight and thought of chicken and even ate ground beef last night. Sometimes, I think I feel the baby move, but realize that 10 weeks is probably too early, and it's either just gas or my imagination. I felt Zoe at 14 weeks. I know that with her, by 12 weeks, my symptoms had let up.

But right now, I don't feel it. There used to be a connection there, and I feel like it's broken. I don't feel that connection with the baby anymore, and I'm terrified to death that at my next ultrasound, there won't be a heartbeat, or I'll begin bleeding before then. I won't have an ultrasound for another 3 weeks.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't feel it anymore. I'm still trying to stay positive and tell myself I'll hold this baby come December, but I feel like I'm only saying that to fool myself. I'm not confident anymore that this baby will make it. Mike is confident, but he was confident about the last two as well. I knew those ones weren't going to work.

I've been cramping a lot lately, and have felt a lot of pressure too. Mike had the flu this week, and he had the flu the last time I miscarried. I also have a UTI. My first miscarriage ended as a result of a UTI that led to two other infections. Those infections went untreated because I was unaware of them. They were treated after the miscarriage. I am on pennicilin now.

Anyway, please, t&p would be great. Thanks.

[MarykatSC]

If I were you I would call my doctor and get in to at least hear the heartbeat. Your hormones are most likely leveling out at this point. The more you worry the worse it can be on the pregnancy. Relax and KUP

[Danielley08]

Brandi

I'm sorry you are feeling this way...do you think maybe its yourself subconsciously not letting yourself get attached for fear of losing the baby?...I really hope everything is ok with Pebbles...is there anyway you could call your doc and get an "emergency" type u/s? Just tell them things haven't been feeling right or something?

If you need anything just PM me!!

[Madison.N.Hailey'sMom]

I would say that since you are getting closer to the second trimester your homones are starting to be taken over by the placenta so your symptoms will level off. Mine started around 11 1/2 weeks and I freaked but there was a heartbeat at 12 weeks and the baby was doing great. Just try not to stress to much. If you get really nervous then call the doctor and see if they can get you in to at least hear the heartbeat. You and your bean are in my T&P's.

[Banned-ZoesMom]

It's a long weekend here so my only chances of seeing or hearing a heartbeat would be to sit for 6 hours in a hospital waiting room and wiating another 3-4 for bloodwork and a bedside ultrasound, rather than the formal ones. I can't see the doc until at least Tuesday and my next appointment isn't until May 27th with the midwife and May 28 with the OB. We still haven't decided whether we're going to do a hospital birth with an OB or midwife yet.

It's very possible that I'm not letting myself get attached to the pregnancy. With Rice's due date next month, and the fear of another miscarriage, and with Mike getting the flu again and me having another UTI (both miscarriages happened with those factors around), I think I may just be unneccesarily freaking out. I really hope it's unneccesarily.

I used to feel that "connection"...I don't feel it anymore though. We've just had 4 consecutive losses in my DDC, where the heart wasn't beating anymore, and they're all around where I am, so perhaps that's freaking me out too.

Thanks for the t&p.

[Danielley08]

If the 10 hour wait in the ER would put your mind at ease...then in my eyes its worth it...the only downfall would be trying to keep Zoe occupied that long...

I know this is the hardest part of pregnancy...your hormones start to level out and you don't "feel" the pregnancy anymore...your not sick...and you cant quit feel the baby yet...and there seem to be so many losses around this time because alot of women don't have their first u/s until around now...

I'm praying for you...

[Banned-ZoesMom]

Thankfully DH is home until Tuesday because of the holiday, so he could occupy her. I'll probably wait until she's in bed.

[Danielley08]

Keep us posted so we know if you go or not!!

You know we love you and Pebbles!!

[ShannonMVT]

You are in my prayers that everything is fine with the baby and it's just the hormones leveling off.

[Banned-ZoesMom]

I'm going to try to remain positive. I don't think I'm going to go up to emerge tonight. With fireworks going on outside, our daughter's going to be up all night and it's not fair to leave DH alone with her for that long. I don't think I'm going to go at all. I'm scared to hear that there's no heartbeat, so I'll just wait for my doctor's appointment. Either way, there's really nothing that can be done.

Also, tonight, during dinner, the gagging and near vomitting up of my food has set my mind somewhat at ease. I guess I still can't eat bread.

I'll keep you all updated.

[Pitridge]

I have to agree with the other ladies, if going to the ER will put your mind at ease them go, I know that I would. Please try not to freak out (I know it easier said than done) but you don't want to transfer that stress to the baby. I have heard that sometimes the symptons go away and then they come back, I never made it that far so I don't know how much truth is in this. Maybe it's just the hormones level off, just like all the other ladies said. I'll keep you in my t&p, please KUP.

[*Bobbie*]

Thoughts and prayers coming your way

[Banned-ZoesMom]

Thanks a bunch ladies

[Eleysia]

Brandi youll be in my T&P hun. I really hope it is just the second tri thing happening early. please kup if you need anything lemme know girl.

[jennntj13]

big

Maybe call the doctor and tell them you are having a little cramping and you are freaked out. Maybe they'll let you get an u/s. KUP

[jademyst13]

I hope you can get in sooner if only for use of the doppler

[HavensMomma]

((HUGS)) My T&P's are with you, i hope you can get tothe dr soon to put your mind at ease, hun.

[madmum_sarah]

oh sweetheart
im so sorry you are feeling like this but i agree its maybe just hormones leveling out and rices due date coming up sending you into a spin.
i wish you lived here, i have a doppler at home, a nurse next door and a doc who is here within 10 mins no matter when i call him (normally)
im keeping you in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart and sending you some sticky dust!
xxxx

[Banned-ZoesMom]

Thanks again ladies. Unfortunately, due to the holiday today, no one sees the doctor unless they're in labour, and only at emerge. My best bet is emerge with an emerge doctor and the bedside ultrasound. The imaging department for ultrasounds is closed on weekends and holidays.

So, earliest I can get into the docs is tomorrow, or I can settle for a bedside ultrasound. Last bedside I had showed a heartbeat and they still sent me for a formal one to measure it, but it wasn't a holiday that day.

I haven't had any spotting which is a good thing, I guess, so I'll go if I have any.

[valentinemommy]

I hope that you are feeling a little better now that you are nasious again. I had the same thing happen at about the same time. I had myself convinced several times that the baby was not going to make it. I even still have nightmares to this day, even though I am feeling it move. I definitly think that most of it just has to do with our losses. It is so hard to get comfortable with a pregnancy after a loss. I really hope your little one is just fine. T&P coming your way.