[babyblue]

Today is CD17 for me. I have no idea if I ovulated or not. This is my 3rd month of clomid. I ovulated on CD16 and CD15 the last two months. Saturday, CD15 I may have ovulated- felt a few pains in my right side but no EWCM at all that I’ve noticed this month. We bd’d CD11, CD12, and CD15. I just feel like I don’t care anymore. I didn’t even use OPKs which I always do. I know we should have BD’d CD14 and CD16 at least, but for one reason or another it just didn’t happen- DH was too tired, I started feeling like I was getting a UTI, etc. I just feel really sick of trying so dang hard. I’ve been taking baby aspirin, mucinex, evening primrose oil, clomid… blah blah blah. The list goes on and on. I’m just tired of doing everything and timing everything so perfectly to get BFN after BFN and another letdown every month.

Do any of you guys ever feel this way? I’m guessing next month I may pick back up and start it all again, but right now I’m just ready for a serious break. DH and I leave for Mexico 2 weeks from today and it can’t get here fast enough.

I feel sort of sad today but also a bit liberated.. like I’m finally letting things go a little bit. It was a big step for me to not even take the OPKs. I guess I probably wasted a month of clomid and put myself thru the side effects for nothing, but it’s ok. I’m really trying to make myself appreciate and be thankful for what I have, and accept that I may never have another child. I think I am ok with that if that is the way it works out. Thanks for letting me vent.

[ShannonMVT]

I think it can be very emotionally taxing to go through this whole rigamorale (sp?) every month only to keep getting BFNs. If you need a little break, that is fine. I stopped charting because I think it was just making me worry more than anything.

Hopefully your vacation will leave you feel refreshed and ready to jump back into it again!

[Pitridge]

I cna't say I'm tired yet, this is our sencond month trying again, andto be honest I'm having fun. But I feel like every month I'm setting myself up for dissapointment, and I can't it, but I don't want to stop trying either.

[babyblue]

That is great that you are having fun! That is really what it's all about and I think sometimes we lose perspective.

I have to add, that this has been the best month of TTC since my miscarriage- as far as actually "DTD".. we have enjoyed ourselves much more- probably b/c I haven't been so persistent that "we have to do it right now". Having that pressure of performing on certain days really stinks but this month has been much more relaxed!

[MountainMomma]

I know how you feel. I'm to the point that seeing other BFP's doesn't even make me feel hopeful anymore. Just reminds me that I am still here, and still not pregnant. I co-host TTC 1 year +, and even the recent wave of BFP's there hasn't helped. It just reminds me that I've been trying for over 2 years now, and can't even get up to 6 weeks in a pregnancy before I miscarry. And now....it'll soon be a year since I even saw a BFP.

Hopefully my mood changes soon. I'm just in a funk right now.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I totally understand. It's been 9 months since my m/c. My dr doesn't seem to care, and dh doesn't want me to go to an RE for testing. He thinks if it's meant to be, it will. I'm gonna try not to obsess this month. If I don't get a BFP this month, I'm thinking of taking a break from all of it. I just can't keep doing this to myself. It was so easy to get pg with Haley and with the baby I lost. Now.....I don't know what the problem is. I hope you get a BFP soon Amber. I'm still praying for you. I hope your trip will bring you some much needed relaxation.

[*Melissa*]

I understand in a way... but a little different for me. I don't think I will personally EVER get tired of TTC because I don't HAVE children yet and I long to be a mommy more than anything in the world, but i AM sick to death of trying to line everything up perfectly. I decided not to take any opk's this cycle to reduce stress, and to stop worrying about when to BD... It has NEVER helped me get pg. The one time i finally DID get pg was when i was OFF all med. and I didn't do ANYTHING no opk's or anything. SO I'm taking a little break from all that stuff. I just don't think it's good for me. I know I am ovulating so i don't need those reassurances anymore. I'm just leaving it up to God, because ultimatly i KNOW it will happen for me, just a matter of when... so, why stress it??
Anyhoo, i can totally understand how you feel hun. I hope the next couple week go by quickley so you can enjoy your getaway!!! IM SO JEALOUS!!! dh and I went to Cabos san lucas Mexico on our honeymoon and are dying to go back sometime!!

[babyblue]

But sometimes it just seems so crazy that we have to work so hard to fulfill our dreams of having children! It really makes me appreciate what I have. I feel like I'm going "back to my roots" by taking a less aggressive course of action this month. It really has mellowed me out. Of course I may be a wreck by the time AF is due, but right now I'm feeling ok about things. I have so many other wonderful things to focus on.

I really believe it will happen for all of you ladies and for me too! You all are the best and every one of you will be blessed - I truly believe it!!

[Danica]

Nevermind

[Danica]

Nevermind here too...

[ChattyAshley]

Sorry Amber. I hope things work out for you soon. Keep your chin up, girl! I'm rootin' for ya!

[*Melissa*]

But sometimes it just seems so crazy that we have to work so hard to fulfill our dreams of having children! It really makes me appreciate what I have. I feel like I'm going "back to my roots" by taking a less aggressive course of action this month. It really has mellowed me out. Of course I may be a wreck by the time AF is due, but right now I'm feeling ok about things. I have so many other wonderful things to focus on.

I really believe it will happen for all of you ladies and for me too! You all are the best and every one of you will be blessed - I truly believe it!![/b]

Thanks Amber... I think you are taking a really good approach to all of this. You'll probably get your socks knocked off this month and get a bfp!!!
What I had FORGOTTEN to mention in my reply, but i edited it in, was that the reason i'm not tired of it yet is because i don't have a child in my arms yet to keep me preoccupied. I mean, don't get me wrong, i am SOOO thankful for what I DO have, and I know it's just as hard to loose a baby even if you already have children, but it would be nice to put my focus on, and be thankful for the children i DO have.. but i don't have any yet
Sometimes it's just so lonley...

[Melanie0507]

Wow Amber, I was thinking about posting the exact same thoughts. I looked at my ticker tonight and saw that today is 6 months since we lost our baby...and I am still here, trying to decide if I've ovulated yet, whether we should bd tonight, etc, etc, etc. It just has gotten OLD

I know this is the same with you, but with my son (11 years ago) and then with the baby we lost in Nov, we got pregnant right away. Now, I can't seem to get pregnant for anything. And these women that have been trying for way longer than us, wow, I really admire them, because I don't know if I can keep doing this. I think there's a certain breaking point somewhere...

My only saving grace in all of this is that I have an appt next month to talk to my doctor.

I guess I am just having an *off* day too...sorry to vent on your thread

[dojodiva]

((HUGS)) I know what you mean. It takes DH and I YEARS to get pregnant and the whole "trying so hard" becomes discouraging and I start to miss the spontaneity and just "doing it" for fun, not for a purpose. I remember when I had no idea what was going on with my body each month (hello...I remember thinking CM was a vag. infection...lol!) and I kind of miss being in the dark and not knowing EXACTLY what cycle day it is and what's going on. Breaks are definitely good. Hang in there and good luck!!