[~DaemonMykailasMum~]

Hey ladies, My name is Syleena (21) I have been lurkin around here, not So much lurking, as Ive been posting too, but I thought Id offically introduce myself.. I have a dbf, Derek of almost 5 years now.. We have a little boy, Daemon who is almost 20 mths.. We ttc #2 for 4 mths, and got my bfp on March 27th.. We were SO excited! It was my first month temping! and I got my bfp! and it was at 10 dpo! MS kicked in right away, full throttle.. 4 weeks I was completely Nauseous 24/7.. I thought fer sure this was a nice sticky bean, never in my wildest imagination thought I would lose it.. I made a 3d U/s appt for 28 weeks, was planning out our family camping trip and that Id be about 20 weeks and Id be able to feel the baby by then.. Couldnt wait till Daemons 2nd bday, Id be nice n big (32 weeks) and he'd be able to see the baby moving, etc.. Well, I went to my 8 week appt (Which didnt happen till I was 9 weeks 3 days) Every thing looked great my doc said, he did an internal/pap, said everything was perfect, did a pevlic exam, uterus was right on target for about 9 1/2 weeks, made an appt for June 2nd and sent me on my way, I was getting SO excited now, I was going on 10 Weeks already! (It was going by super fast) and at my next appt I would be over 13 weeks! I thought, I'll definitely be able to hear the heartbeat by then, I did by 12 weeks with ds.. This was my second pregnancy (No complications/problems with my first, so I didnt expect it with this one), I was having all the saem symptoms I did with ds.. Anyway, 2 days later, I started spotting. Jus very light pink and only when I wiped.. I immediately panicked because I never seen the SLIGHTEST pink when I was pregnant with ds, not even in my cm, and lemme tell u, I looked EVERY single time I wiped.. So I go to ER, and they did an u/s said the hb was about 150 bpm, did an internal, cervix was closed.. Everything looked fine, told me spotting is common in early pregnancy.. So I go home.. I noticed I was having bad cramping.. worse than the cramping I had with my first.. Had it all day, and all night.. Still having a lil light pink when I wiped few times thru out the day... Went to bed, and PRAYED it would be gone in the morning, got up, still there.. I was now cramping pretty badly, but it would come and go (Little did I know at the time, they were contractions ) I was texting my girl friend while watching baby stories, telling how excited I was, and couldnt wait to breastfeed my new baby (The lady on the tv was learning how to bf) then I got up to go pee.. I felt a GUSH! I immediately ran to the bathroom, sure enough, Blood.. EVery where.. I remember saying, "Please god, no, oh my god, please no, please no, why me, omg" I was literally, hyperventalating.. I called my mum while on the toilet, I was crying to hard I she could barely under stand me.. I remember saying "Im losing the baby, Im losing the baby, Omg mum, I lost the baby" BAWLING could barely breath.. I went back, they did another u/s, baby was there, alive, hb 150-160bpm.. I seen his (dont know for sure it was a boy, jus my gut feeling) little body, arms and legs quirming about I even see its head, with the little dark spots where his eyes were.. Then they checked my cervix, still closed.. ***?!?!? They called in the gyno and he did an u/s... He IMMEDIATELY noticed a large dark area, behind the placenta.. Blood He asked where I lived, I told him a 5 min drive from here, He sent me home, saying that its a wait thing, My body could either Absorb the blood collection and/or expell it, and I could continue having a viable pg, or I will miscarry.. He said if I notice ANYTHING out of the ordinary, other than the bleeding.. ex: if it gets worse, if I get severe cramping (Which I was already having) if I start getting dizzy or vomiting, etc etc.. So I go home, an hr later, dbf came home from work, the minute he walked in.. He looked heartbroken, he seen the look on my face, and the hospital braclet on my wrist (He works up in the bush, no phones) and I said, Im pretty sure We're losing it.. then an another hr later, another HUGE gush came out, Like.. Literally (T M I) pouring out.. I went back.. I was now having STRONG contactions ever minute or so.. They checked the baby, it was now squirming around like it was totally panicked (Which it was!) and its hb was over 200 bpm!!!! Checked my cervix.. Wipe open I laid there, having contactions, bleeding severely.. They even asked if I would except blood if needed.. anyway They did One more ultrasound (This was about45 mins after the one where the baby was panicking) and the baby was still.. His little heart finally stopped beating some where between 8:35 and 9:20pm on May 8th.. The placenta had torn off the uteran wall due to internal/uteran bleeding so my little baby had suffocated.. Once I knew my sweet baby was now an Angel, I opted to have the d&c, they also were recommending it, because of the bleeding and contractions.. I was put out, (First time in my life! First time in my life Ive even had an IV!) I was scared sh!tless and got the d&c at about 10 pm.. They kept me over night to monitor me because of the blood loss, and I laid in that cold hospital room and jus bawled... All night long, I think I mighta slept an hour and a half.. if that.. .. Anyway.. I know that was a BOOK! But Thats my story.. Completely heartbreaking.. Its been just over two weeks, and Im just starting to feel a little more human, and in reality.. Im still completely heartbroken but am doing better.. Ive been physically nauseous since it happened.. and am also, JUST starting to feel a bit better in that department.. I still feel like throwing up when ever I think about it.. and just at random times during the day.. But Im not stuck in the bathroom dryheaving like I was for the first week and a half.. Anyway! Reason Im posting here! I plan to ttc again.. My doc said to wait one full real cycle.. So he wants me to wait for my first af.. chart that cycle, but not ttc.. then ttc the cycle after that.. So.. IF af doesnt mess around, and actually shows up with in a reasonable time frame (30-36 days) I should be able to ttc starting in my July cycle..

If you got this far, Thank so much for reading my story, and I hope to get to know you all, and I hope you ALL get your sticky bfp's very soon!

[princesskate]

aww sweetie i am so very sorry for your loss, i had tears in my eyes reading your story. Im not usually very good with words when it comes to finding the right theing to say, but i want you to know i am thiking of you.

i have lost 4 losses altogether, and eveytime i dont think there is the right thing to say, nothing anyone said made me feel better anyway.

Anyway, i am a newbie here too. i am currently on the 3 month wait after an ectopic, and i also will be ttc in july. lets hope we get BFP's and sticky beans together

I find this board to be a great comfort and im sure you willl to, all the ladies here are very supportive. you are in my T&P's sweetie xxx

[madmum_sarah]

hello again syleena. i did leave you a welcome message a little while ago but heartbreaking as itis, its nice to get a more detailed introduction.
i am so sorry to hear of your loss, its never easy
well im sarah, mum to 4 boys, a girl and my angel baby "jamie"
i look forward to getting to know you better and hope you find this forum as helpful and supportive as i did. the girls here are amazing
xx

[MountainMomma]

I am so sorry for what you have had to go through. Your story is heartbreaking, and I am sitting here for you and your angel. The ladies here are amazingly supportive and so wonderful! I can't even imagine where I would be right now if not for this board and the ladies on it.

[mommy jenn]

oh my lord that was so sad... i cant believe that!! im so so sorry you had to go through that, its so not fair!!!

[jennntj13]

OMG, that breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss and what you went thru... I still have a hard time believing that God would ever do this to a person. Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly.

I am Jenn (31), wife to Jer (29), and mom to Jackie (3). I have had 2 m/c's since January and am still dealing with that second one, as my body seems to not want to become un-pregnant... but I definitely do want another child, so as soon as we figure out when it is ok to TTC, we will try again.

I can't wait to get to know you better and I hope that you get that with a sticky bean soon! Big

[KDD]

Syleena, your story is so heartbreaking. I hope that everything goes well and you can ttc in July as planned.

[Mommy2Makenna]

Syleena -- I'm so sorry for your loss. M/C is such an aweful thing -- I REALLY wish no one ever had to go through it! I'm glad you found us and shared your story. I hope you find that beautiful BFP soon.

[~DaemonMykailasMum~]

Thanks so much for the warm welcome ladies... I can tell this board is full of wonderful supportive women as Ive been lookin around for a few days now... I also post on the Pregnancy Loss board.. I hope this will all get easier with time and eventually be able to smile when I think of my Angel who I got to see 3 times on the ultrasound before he passed away.. I made this and thought I would share.. Hopefully it shows up big enough for you to be able to read.. You may be able to see it better if You enlarge it.. It was written on May 11th, 3 days after the tragedy..

Your story is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

It's just not fair!!!

[dojodiva]

I am terrible sorry for your loss. I lost twins at 11 weeks on March 14th and had a natural m/c and can relate to your feelings of contractions and the gush of blood. I'm so sorry you had no idea it was coming, though...it's such an awful experience and to have it come so unexpectedly...it makes my heart break. I am so sorry you experienced this. Welcome to the board. I'm new here as well but have found it to be a great place for support and for being with people who "get it".


((HUGS))

[MinDB]

i'm so sorry for your loss . big to you.

[ShannonMVT]

Oh sweetie that is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Bakin8th]

Hi Welcome!!
Its nice to see you over here after the pregnancy loss BB. I am so happy you ttcing good luck!!

[jennntj13]

What you made is beautiful... it brought tears to my eyes. Big

[Pound]

i'm so sorry for your loss. =(
it must've been so sad to see the baby, then the next u/s see no heartbeat.

i'm linda btw, and i also had a d&c in march, the first time ever i was put under too. and i too cried all day alone in the ER. i hope you can ttc in the next few months and get another bfp.

[Frozendesire]

I read this earlier, but I didn't know how to respond. I am so sorry for your lose, I wish no one had to go through that. I am so very sorry.

You found a great place. I hope you post lots and become comfortable here.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I am so sorry for your loss. It broke my heart to read that. You are a strong woman. I hope you will get a sticky BFP when you ttc. Welcome to the board. I look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.

[Pitridge]

I'm so sorry for your lost. your story is truly heart breaking. I also had a d&c, first time in the hospital, I was so scare, it's scary to go throuh it. Wellcome.

[~DaemonMykailasMum~]

Thanks ladies.. I too hope to start posting lots, and get to know all of you well.. I already feel comfortable here and Ive only been here a few days.. Thanks again ladies