[madmum_sarah]

well i refused to come on after last night, i just couldnt face it all.
mark came home last night and instead of going straight to his came here to hug me and find out what happened. he also says i need a second opinion, problem is, this was second and third as another gynae backed her decision
anyway, after spending all night crying mark came down this morning and his parting words before he went to town were....
"get on that ###### computer and speak to the girls, they understand how you feel and i just feel rubbish at these things as i dont understand it"
i told him i couldnt but he told me if i hadnt been on to update by the time he came back then he will go straight home!
well i have cried all the tears i think i can right now and after a lot of thought and talking to my own doctor i will be continuing the way i am. yes, the meds HE has me on make me constipated and sore but they take the edge of the "endo" pain and i have other stuff to tackle the side effects of them. they are also safe in the 2ww!
he can not believe that the gynae was so insensitive and told me to continue how i was going with my thoughts and memories as they are what are getting me through this and thats what the people who actually saw me and my scans decided happned!
im still really unhappy but i just cant go through with the thought of defo never having another baby. that has to be my bodies and gods choice, not some stupid gynae!
i suppose what didnt help yesterday was after all that i went to catch the bus and in the loos there was this young girl screaming at her baby for crying when she was doing something (reapplying her make up) when i looked over the baby was a 3 week old baby girl! i held her while her mum did her make up and then the mum broke down because apparently it was the first time the baby hadnt screamed in days. i remember those feelings so well and i really felt for her but holding that baby reminded me that i want my own so much and this time i wouldnt be alone as i would have mark.
hopefully il be back to my post crazy self soon but just now im no good to anyone so probably wont be about so much. im sorry.
xxxx
oh and incase you have forgotten...

<div align="center">I bloody love you all!!!
</div>

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm glad mark talked some sense into you....lol! Sarah, I love you girl! I know you're going through a hard time. I'm glad you decided to do as you've been doing. It'll happen for you soon, I just know it. I'm here if you ever need anything. Post when you feel like it. Just don't stay away too long. I miss you

[madmum_sarah]

ok i thought i had cried all the tears i could. that was until i read your reply michelle!
i love you girl and im so happy you got your bfp. il still be lurking when i can but just not replying as much.
im sure it wont be long till im back though cos i miss you girls too much. who else knows what im going through and undertsnds it!
thanks sweetheart
xxx

[Wee3monkeys]

Awww, Sarah, I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough patch! Forget that stupid lady, listen to your regular doctor that knows you! I'm sorry that the meds he has you on make you feel icky, but at least you have a plan, you're going to stick w/ it and get your BFP!!!!!!! I just know it!!!

Hun!!!!! Big, Big !!!!!!!!!!

[Pitridge]

Oh Sarah
Don't listen to that awful witch, listen to your doctor. I'm glad that Mark is there for you since none of us can be there for you right now (I would take the first flight out if I had the money). It breaks my heart to know that youare going through such a hard time, I'm here for you anytime you need me. Please don't go too farot stay away for too long. Love Ya girl and tons of going your way

[madmum_sarah]

thank you so much girls.
ive been so away with it that i havent really been paying attention to something i should have (my darling friend pointed it out to me as she can get onto my ff charts to see them all.)
i hope this works
these are my no preg charts




if you look at my chart through my link you will see the bfp i got in feb (jan cycle) and my chart for this cycle. now im defo not getting my hopes up but as my mate has pointed out and looking i can see it myself, my bfn charts were always up and down after O BUT my bfp and this cycles chart are different, they are steady (but low this cycle)
oh wouldnt it be nice to be able to say screw you gynae i proved you wrong and to get my bfo for my birthday!
like i said i AM NOT building my hopes up but......
dust please!
xxxx
told you i couldnt stay away
xxx

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

That's awesome! I'm so glad you didn't stay away. Here's lots of dust coming at ya, What day is your bday?

[madmum_sarah]

my birthday is monday hun. il be 16dpo so still super early for me (17-18 day lp and tend to get late bfps) but hey, im still gonna try!
thanks for the dust
xxx

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I'm glad Mark made it back for your bday. Are you gonna do anything special?

BTW how is his friend?

[Eleysia]

Sarah i love you girl, from the bottom of my heart i really do. How awsome of Mark for being there with you to help you along. I really hope that youre just crying because your hormones are outta wack, and that you really will have your BFP in just a few short days If you need anything please know im here for you. Take some time to yourself and just take a deep breath hun, you need it.

[Brittanie]

It's really too bad you can't "think" about yourself!! LOL!!! Good luck honey and LOADS of !!

[madmum_sarah]

eleysia thank you sweetheart. il be just fine, im amogst friends, people i love, people who know what it feels like! i love you sweetheart and pray all is ok!

marks friend is at home now. he is still pretty bad but at least hes in his own home and a nurse coming to check his machines a few times a day (thankfully his mrs is a carer too so she keeps a close eye on him much to his misery cos she has banned smoking from the house )
not planning anything special. may go for a meal on sunday but we try and do that most weeks anyway. just him being home is a good one for me then the following monday hes off again for a whole week its his sons birthday on 17th so he spending a week with him. im going to miss him but i totally understand why he has to be there.
i also told him today im going to pay for him to go down once a month to see mark jr becasue the way his money is he finds it hard to go as often as he wants. think hes pretty happy about that (although he doesnt know yet he will not be going WHEN i am due our baby! im determined i will have one!
xxxx

[katiegirl]

Your chart does look great!!