I just isn't fair

MountainMomma · #1 June 9th, 2008, 06:36 AM

I retested yesterday right before work. DH was so surprised by the lines on the other test that he made me test again with another digi. I wish I hadn't.

Last night at work I started cramping pretty bad. The got worse quickly, and then I started bleeding bright red and passing really big clots. The cramping was really bad at one point so I ran to the bathroom, and the one of the clots was so big I could feel it pass through my cervix. I knew then that it was over. When I came out my boss could see that I'd been crying. She asked me if I was ok so I took her aside and told her what was going on. Instead of sending me home she told me to take a 5 minute break and then get busy. When my five minutes was up she told me, "It's not like the world is ending. You already have two kids. Just be happy with what you do have and stop being so selfish!" I wanted to scream. I finished the shift, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever go back. I'm not scheduled again until Thursday, so I have a few days to decide.

I just wish I knew why this keeps happening to us. 4 losses in 2 years. I don't know it I can handle another one, but I know I can't stop trying. I want a baby to much. I don't know if I'll be around much today. Physically I'm doing okay. The cramping is pretty much non-existent and the bleeding it basically back to a normal flow level. mentally though.....I don't know....I might just curl up in a ball and ignore the world for a day or two.

Here's the test from yesterday afternoon. I really wish I hadn't taken it.

Augie · #2 June 9th, 2008, 06:47 AM

Wow, sweetie. I'm so sorry for you losses. I know from experience, nothing I can say will help.

(Though I wish it would.)

As for your boss, that was totally uncalled for. I definitely wouldn't have kept my cool. And I would NOT have finished the shift. I don't typically have much of a temper, so it surprises people when I lose it, but boy would they have seen it!

madmum_sarah · #3 June 9th, 2008, 06:50 AM

oh hunny

this is precisely why i cant bring myself to test again!
im so sorry for your loss

xxx

Danielley08 · #4 June 9th, 2008, 07:23 AM

I'm so sorry and I would definately be finding me a new job if I were you...

*Bobbie* · #5 June 9th, 2008, 07:38 AM

Stephanie.... awww hon

Don't wish you hadn't taken it. You KNEW you were pregnant. I think sometimes it is better knowing than thinking you are imagining it. KWIM? Heck I knew it and I have never even met you.

I would go into the ER just to make sure everything is okay. I know it's a bit of a ways for you (right?) but I think it might be worth it to make sure it really is over. I hate false hope, but maybe you are still okay? I know I am grasping at straws here but I don't want this to happen to you again. I want you prgenant with a sticky bean sooo freakin' bad.

I will be praying for you girl.... love ya lots

and

again cause this just SUCKS!

katiegirl · #6 June 9th, 2008, 07:45 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this again.

As for your boss - that makes me want to just punch her in the face.
What a JERK!!

Brittanie · #7 June 9th, 2008, 07:57 AM

Oh honey, I'm in tears for you. I'm so sorry. This sucks so BAD! I wish I could tell you what's going on.

As for your boss, that was completely heartless. 5 minutes???? ALL she gives you is 5 minutes???? Sometimes I think women can just be so mean. You have every right to be hurt by that. I'm sure you ARE grateful for the two you have. I'm sure you love them more than anything. But those two don't "make up" for your for angels. While they give you something to live for, they don't stop the hurt.

We love you honey. And I know that I'm praying for you.

Christine-MA · #8 June 9th, 2008, 07:58 AM

So sorry to hear what you went through. I can't believe your boss though, that's the last thing you want to hear at that time.

Madison.N.Hailey'sMom · #9 June 9th, 2008, 08:05 AM

Oh Hon I am soooo sorry that you are going through all this

As for your boss I would have blown my lid. Is there anyone higher up then her that you can tell what she said to you. That should not be allowed to happen to anyone. I hope that you feel better soon as best as can be expected and we are all here for you.

Pitridge · #10 June 9th, 2008, 08:11 AM

Oh, I'm so sorry, not again

...I know that I can't say anything that will make you fell better but I agree with Bobbie about going to the ER and make sure it's really over, I pretty sure it's easier said than done. I'm sorry about your boss, what a Bi*** (sorry don't mean to offend anybody), 5 min???????? She sounds very bitter.

We are here for you.

Wee3monkeys · #11 June 9th, 2008, 08:12 AM

Aw, woman, that sucks!!!!!

I'm so sorry!!!!!

!!!!!!

I wish I could do or say something to help you through this, but I know it's just not possible at the moment. Know that I'm here, with all the other ladies, if you need anything!

As for that boss, I say make a complaint for her inappropriate behavior! If it was a medical emergency, you should have been sent home!! Without questions!!!! What a cold hearted b***ch!!!

Big

, I'm so very sorry for your losses!!!

Eleysia · #12 June 9th, 2008, 08:15 AM

Stephanie im so sorry. I wish i could take this for you i really do.

if you need anything im here, as are all of the pther ladies here. We all love you and im so sad to see this happening again to such a wonderful woman.

I dont have any words for your boss. I am just shocked that someone could be so heartless at a time of being needed.

I know if it were me i would go back, but only for thursday and let her know how incredibly hurtful she was, then id make a grand exit and tell her to shove it.

Im here if you need anything, even if it is just someone to listen

mom 2 haley & tyler · #13 June 9th, 2008, 10:50 AM

I'm so sorry Steph. I wish I could say or do something to take away your pain. I agree with Bobbie about going to the dr though. Please let us know if you need anything at all. We love you.

I can't believe that woman said that to you. That was very uncalled for. I would definitely report her and not go back!!

..Jessica.. · #14 June 9th, 2008, 11:16 AM

OMG Steph!!! I'm so sorry!!!

Life just isn't fair at all!!!! What your boss said is absolutely disgusting and you should definitely report her!!!

I'm so so sorry hun!!!!!

Mommy2Makenna · #15 June 9th, 2008, 11:55 AM

I am so sorry about your little bean!

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but we all know that there is nothing we can really say.

As for your boss.... I am a manager myself. I manage a department that works 24x7 and has very high performance requirements. I understand the need to have people working, HOWEVER, there is NO EXCUSE for the way she treated you. I have had situations come up that required my compassion in the middle of a "rush". I give my employees as much compassion as I can and there have been times when I have sent people home and worked the rest of their shift for them so they can get through whatever experience they are enduring. My jaw was on the floor as I read your post. It is so sad how many people in management need sensitivity training. I don't think I could go back to work there (although it would depend on how much I needed a job -- at worst, I would be looking elsewhere to move as quickly as possible). I would, however, make sure that the company knows exactly why you are leaving. If it is a big company, Human Resources would be the place to start. You will probably get a more favorable response (one that will bring about change) if you talk calmly about the situation and explain how it made you feel. Good luck dealing with this insensitivity. You don't deserve to be treated this way!

HavensMomma · #16 June 9th, 2008, 11:57 AM

I'm so sorry hun

I will keep you and your bean in my t&p's. I agree with Bobbie, you should go to the ER to see whats going on hun.

.x~KAT~x. · #17 June 9th, 2008, 12:27 PM

oh honey i am so so so sorry...TTC is so heartbreaking sometimes, i really hope that you can find the strength to try again, because im sure your sticky bean will happen soon xxx

MountainMomma · #18 June 9th, 2008, 12:31 PM

Thank you for all your kind words ladies. It means alot to me. No one IRL understands what I am going through. If I told my mom about this she would say it was just another sign that I'm not supposed to have any more. My MIL and SIL (as much as I love them) would give me the typical "It just wasn't meant to be" or "It's nature's way of only giving us healthy babies" type thing.

I'm just grateful that the two I have are older. I gave them breakfast and went back to bed. I didn't get up until just now. They've been playing quietly, watching TV and even remembered to take the dog out.

Bobbie, I am seriously considering going to the hospital when DH gets home in a few more hours. There is a hospital here in town....but they aren't much more than a bandaid stop. They don't have a L&D unit, a surgical unit, an ICU or Cardiac unit. They have.....well, basically just the ER and then send you on to another hospital once you are stable. I might have DH take me there and see if there is anything they can do to check on things. If we end up going to the other hospital I'll have to find someone to watch the kids first. We'll see how things are going when DH gets home.

~DaemonMykailasMum~ · #19 June 9th, 2008, 12:38 PM

oh no Steph, I am SO sorry

xoxoxox
Syleena

jenn27 · #20 June 9th, 2008, 12:42 PM

I'm so sorry Steph. I can only imagine a little bit of the pain that you are going through. I just miscarried last week and i have been devestated. I know there is nothing i can say to make it any better and I am not going to try. I just want you to know I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers.